For Esther

Firstly, I just have to say, Shawn and Melissa's wedding was by far the greatest party I have ever been to. (Sorry for those of you whose weddings I have attended, but it's true). Anyway, more on that later.

I want to talk about Purim. Purim is the upcoming Jewish holiday in which we read the story of Esther and celebrate not being the objects of genocide. It is a happy holiday. We put on costumes, give out food and charity, host a big meal, and in general drink a lot of wine and make a lot of noise. In addition, the entire month of Adar, in which this holiday falls, is considered a month of joy and pranks. It is like April Fool's Day for a month. This year is especially exciting because, due to the leap year, we have two months of Adar.

I recently received an email from my friend Esti discussing the recent slaughter of the Fogel family that occurred in Israel last Friday night. This, in addition to other tragedies that had occurred in the last two months made her ask "what the hell? what is going on? God, what is happening?". As she described the sorrow and confusion she was feeling, I felt guilty for feeling so happy in my post-wedding euphoria. And yet I understand her. I have experienced heart-wrenching loss in the month of Adar, I have experienced the confusion and pain brought about by senseless tragedy in this "happy, joyous" month. I have had Purims where I simply did not have the strength to dress up, was not in the mood to sing and dance.

Last night my father called Purim a "kid's" holiday. The dressing up, the treats, the noisemakers- I had to admit, it is kind of juvenile. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that Purim is about so much more. Everyone knows the story, and yet do we notice that there is not very much joy in it? Today we are fasting, as all the Jews fasted upon Esther's request before she went to the king to beg him to save the Jews. This is a story of near-destruction. Of a queen that had to hide her heritage out of fear for her life, of a people that were on the brink of being slaughtered by their more-than-willing neighbors. Our "salvation" was the chance to defend ourselves. Yes there is a happy ending, the bad guy gets killed, the good guys get promoted, and the Jews live. Do our celebrations reflect this whole story? Or just the simple happy ending?

I have a professor who keeps telling my class that our twenties are the best years of our lives, that "It's all downhill from here". When I told my nearly-80 year old grandmother this last week, she scoffed. She told me that the best year of her life was 40. At that point she knew who she was, what she wanted, and what she loved. It is the perfect balance of experience and ability. I liked this idea, not only because it gives me another 15 years before I "peak", but because it values a balance.

I think that when we are young, my father is right, Purim is juvenile. It is a chance to get a fun costume and lots of candy. As we get older we get excited about the socially-encouraged drinking aspect. But as we mature, we become more well-acquainted with pain. We begin to understand pessimism and develop our doubts about the goodness of humanity and the reasoning of God. I have seen people lose their faith- in God and in humanity. And this makes me believe that Purim is even more important for adults than it is for children.

This is our chance to feel joy, even if it is senseless. It is a holiday for appreciating the ridiculous, laughing at the silly, and enjoying the simply pleasure of good company and good food. The Jews of Shushan experienced a senseless discrimination, a baseless hatred- something that our history is rife with. And they survived it. As Esti said "death is what makes life worth living". It is the experience of senseless pain and tragedy that makes senseless joy and ridiculousness so much more valuable. Because on Friday a family can be murdered and on Sunday a marriage can begin another one. I don't think Adar is a month of joy, as in every other month, horrible things will keep happening. But it is an opportunity to feel joy, if for no other reason then that we are still alive.

As I said to Esti, I hope you find joy this week, I hope you revel in it and love it and can feel that, in some way, it balances all that pain and hurt.

Halfway Done

Well folks, I have officially reached the halfway point!
Well maybe not officially, I haven't really done the math, but I just finished all my midterms and am now on spring break so it feels like halfway. Plus, in one more week I will be attending the HIGHLIGHT of my time in America, the BEST (okay, well second best, because Alon always comes first) reason to come back to America...(drumroll please).... Shawn and Melissa's WEDDING!!!!!!!!!!

This wedding has been the most exciting thing that I have been looking forward to ever since I knew I was going to be here to make it. It has been my consolation every time I had to sit by my computer waiting for someone to post pictures on Facebook of the weddings I missed in Israel. Now I just have to find something to wear and I can go spend the day in Miami with all my friends from college, some of whom I haven't seen in two years :)

It will also be a lovely way to end my spring break as I am spending most of it in New Hampshire, where spring has very clearly not yet sprung. While DC has been acting like the tease it is, interspersing days of wintery windiness with sunshine and high temperatures, it still made me feel like spring was just around the corner. But as I drove north today the temperature slowly dropped, and the snow began to accumulate. I am now bundled up at my Bubbie's with a few feet of the white stuff outside. Apparently all the flooding roads are a sign of spring here, but it just isn't quite as exciting as reading about the plans for the Cherry Blossom Festival in the morning paper.

 

But no matter what the weather or where I am, the exciting part of this week is where I am not. I am very happy that I have one week in which I do not have to sit in class. While the topics we are covering have become much more interesting- we have moved past Freud, Freud, Freud, to the current generations trend towards later marriage, how a baby learns to speak, and various types of anxiety disorders. We watched video's of Milgram's study, read case studies on people with Disassociative Identity Disorder (Multiple Personality Disorder) and read about an experiment where the doctor checked himself into a mental institute to see if anyone could tell he was sane. The material is all very interesting, but unfortunately, it is mostly not well taught.

Ranging from terrible examples to professors oversharing about their personal life (which leads to students oversharing about their personal life), there have been certain professors that,well, suck. There is one class that I actually think I could teach better than the professor because at least I have read the book. I was given a test this past week and was told that each question was worth 2.4 points and there would be 2 points extra credit because she got a little confused when trying to calculate how many questions to put on the test. I have another teacher who has yet to give us a test, a homework assignment, a reading assignment, or a quiz. It took him a month to give us a syllabus and he has only now realized that he has done nothing in terms of assessment. Oh, and I chewed out one of my professors last week after she went on a rant against alternative therapies. She did send out an apology letter to the class, so I don't think it will badly affect my grade, but there is just only so much stupidity that I can handle.

Which is why I am now going to go back to enjoying my break :)

Shabbat Christmas

Two weeks in America and it still just feels like vacation. It is cold here. And Christmasy. It's funny, I was never anti-Christmas and I still love the lights and going to my Bubbie's for the holiday, but now it feels like from the moment I landed the whole country was shoving its Christmas cheer down my throat. Within two minutes of landing, before the seat belt sign even turned off, there were carols playing on the plane. Everything has Santa on it or fir trees or wreaths. And while there are some nice sales as a result, holy lord its a little overwhelming. But now the holiday is over, and I have to say, I actually enjoyed the day, if not all the hype that led up to it.

My brothers and I drove up to NY last Wednesday, and while the hour long debate they had about Roman warfare while speaking in exaggerated (and bad) Southern accents was annoying to say the least, I have missed them and it was nice to spend time with my little brothers. Barak and I stayed at Shosh and Ez's for a few days while Rafi galavanted around NYC with his friends. I was content to stay in Riverdale and hang out with my nephew and watch Bones (which is my rebound show after two years of watching nothing but Glee). I got to have lunch with one friend, and while it was really nice to catch up I have finally realized that in the past two years my friends have all moved to new places and made new social circles and while they will always be my friends we are now the "grab a coffee and catch up when you are in town" friends and no longer the "Hey, what are you up to tonight?" friends that we used to be. But steering clear of the unknown depths of what my social life is going to look like for the next five months, on Friday Shosh, Ez, and Alon, and Rafi, Barak, and I all headed up to New Hampshire for Shabbat Christmas with Bubbie. We had family dinner on Friday night, which my aunt and uncle had to leave early in order to make it to church, but that was fine. The boys all bickered and Bubbie had fun listening and everyone doted on Alon. It was nice family time. Christmas/Shabbat morning we all got up early and I had enough time to daven before we all had to congregate around the tree to open presents. We were all given our Chrismakkah gifts and lounged around the tree in an overflow of wrapping paper and empty boxes.

We had cholent- our cousins favorite food- for lunch and lounged about reading and napping in typical Shabbat style. We said havdallah an hour before Christmas dinner and whipped up some spaghetti to eat as the main course was a very not kosher deep-fried turkey. Uncle Steve and his moustache were a huge source of entertainment for Alon, and thus for the rest of the family, and all in all it was really nice quality family time. I do understand why this is such a popular holiday. I just think the commercialism is a bit of an overload.

Anyway family time was cut short when my father called with a blizzard warning and we ended up packing up and heading out that night in an attempt to beat the storm home. I am now in NY watching the snow blowing around and looking forward to a few cozy days with my sister's family. Hopefully I will be able to make it to Boston for New Years with my favorite person and after that, well classes, and real life, begins.

All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go

My apartment looks so empty. my room so lonely. Most of the week our apartment looked like it had been raped with trash everywhere, suitcases in piles exploding all over the place and a ridiculous amount of STUFF scattered all over every surface. But now it is Friday, and we are all cleaned up. Still, the walls are bare (as all the art on them belonged to me) me room looks naked and a surprisingly large amount of boxes sit in the corner waiting to be moved to Efrat. Nechama moved out on Sunday and the new roommate, Ilana, moved in on Tuesday. My replacement is coming on Sunday and it very much feels like the end of an era. For two years, this apartment was my home and the people that gathered here became my family.
I am excited to come back to the States, in fact I am more than ready to move on to the next step, thrilled that I am going to get to spend so much time with my family and friends. And kind of hoping for some snow (knowing my luck, there will be none, despite the Snowmageddon of last year). I feel ready for this move, and for that I am glad. I know that I will be coming back soon and five months will fly by, but again, it is this feeling of moving on to something else, of taking the next step that is making me pause, sitting on my couch that will soon no longer be mine, saying goodbye to an apartment that already feels like a memory.
And now I am getting overly poetic which I really shouldn't do, as two years in Israel has severely impaired my vocabulary. So I am going to head out, enjoy my last Shabbat in Israel (for awhile), and I will see you all soon!!

Home for the Holidays

I know it has been awhile, and for that I apologize. It was a combination of lack of time and lack of anything exciting to say. And partially an aversion to having to relive my week and take out the valuable parts.

I find that my mood is fluctuating alot and I am having trouble thinking about why. There are alot of emotions tied to my almost imminent departure, both good and bad. There are days when I cannot believe I am leaving for so long, and others when I cannot wait to get out of here. I am ready for the change that these few months will bring, but I do worry about having to come back and start from scratch in Haifa.

Esti and I

Last night my roommates fiancee, Avi invited us over to sing with him while he lit candles so he wasn't alone. It was only about 20 minutes, and only a few of us, but it was the kind of request that one asks of their "Oleh" family, and it made me smile to be with mine. Tonight was "Family Channukah". It started with a brief visit to the Auerbach Family dinner, to which the invitation alone reminded me how much a part of the family they consider me. I then had to rush home for my "family" as my roommates and a few close friends were planning on lighting together, eating some latkas and exchanging gifts. It was so nice to line up and light with my friends and then sit around youtubing Channukah songs, eating a ridiculous amount of fried food (this is totally a southern holiday) and swapping silly gifts. It really felt like home and made me realize how much of a home this apartment has become. Not just in terms of how comfortable I feel here, but how many of our friends find refuge in our apartment and come to us when life is kicking their ass. More of my friends came over around 8, thankfully bringing some salad to cleanse our palettes before the next round of latkas (these ones were zucchini!) and providing this wonderful comfortable atmosphere of friendship and food. 

I have missed my family on every one of the holidays (especially Thanksgiving), but it was so nice to see all my different families come together with me for this one. It comforts me to know that these people are more than friends or neighbors. They are the you of Israel. These are the people that will miss me when I am gone and welcome me back when I return. Coming back to America is never had because I know my family waits for me and misses me and cares for me. And today was the very necessary reminder that I have managed to build that here as well. 

I wish you all a wonderful Channukah full of light and love and latkas.

Our Chanukayot

Gaf Ohad was in My House!

There were many things that I accomplished this week. Like an expedition to my bank that included lying bus drivers, and driving the wrong way down a one-way street. Like discovering the most disgusting smell in existence because I clean up after lazy rich people. Like seeing Shakespeare at the Jerusalem Theater (Macbeth is totally messed up). BUT the best part of the whole week was my Mesibat Shicrur (Release Party) last night. 

Elodie and I

My friend Elodie and I made aliyah at the same time, went to ulpan together, both decided to volunteer for the army, went through basic training together, and both ended up in the Air Force. So, of course, it was only natural that we throw this socially required party together. We invited our group of lone soldier friends and all my friends from the neighborhood, but it was clearly going to be a very American party. That is until half the guys from my office showed up, including my two commanders! I had invited them, but since they all like almost an hour away and knew this was going to be a very english-speaking party, I did not actually expect anyone to come. 

But come they did, bearing beer and presents (they gave me a big collage of army pictures, and then one of me and Alon, because they know how much I obsess over him). And then, like the wonderful people that they are, they came in and became the life of the party. They heckled Mia all through the embarrassingly sweet speech she gave about me, became best friends with David (Davida's husband) the only other Hebrew speaker there, and had a blast talking to all the different lone soldiers. They are all ridiculous people, and sitting with them in my home as they laughed and joked and did all their usual shtuyot (um, jokes? ridiculousness? I dont know how to translate this word), well they just made the party for me. It meant so much to me that they came.

Gaf Ohad

I am still smiling about it. I know I have said it time and again, but these people really made everything I went through in the past year worth it. I wish y'all could meet these amazing people, and that they could meet you! Guess pictures will have to do though...

The Joys of Being a Civilian

Sorry I am sending this one a little late. I was working on Friday and did not have time.

Did she say working? I thought she was on vacation and enjoying doing nothing!

As it turns out. Doing nothing can get really boring. And it causes your butt to fall asleep. So this past week I found all sorts of wonderful things to DO that I could not/ did not do when I was a soldier. These included:

1. Sleeping In. It only took about two days to untrain my body from getting up at 6:30 am and I can now happily sleep until 11. The only bad side effects are some very weird morning dreams and an occasionally missed morning prayer.
2. Going to see Art. Jojo and I went on a wonderful hike through the concrete jungle of Jerusalem and ended up at the new and improved Israel Museum, where, after a mostly boring "archeological" tour, we got to look at art and have a long heated debate about what that means. It was lovely :)
3. Learn Torah. Not only did I get to have my weekly learning session with my friend Ophra, but we also went to a shiur (lecture) on Abraham and why God chose to speak to him. 
4. Make Money. I have started working as a cleaning lady, and with the three jobs I had this past week, made more money than I made in a month as a soldier. Cleaning is tiring, but I like it well enough and it makes way more money than babysitting. Still a pittance compared to what I would make in America, but it is good enough for me.
5. Enjoy Strange Israeli Cultural Events. Like the Jerusalem Renaissance Festival. As a big fan of the Maryland Renfest, I had high expectations, but aside from the coolness of getting to go through the Christian quarter of the old city, it was mostly a bunch of Israelis dressed up and acting like crazy people. There was a fire-thrower and some contortionists as well as a man with a pretty cool music box. But it is kind of weird to hear knights fake fighting while insulting each other in Hebrew. AND there were NO turkey legs or funnel cakes! What is the point of a Renfest in Israel if they dont have those foods I have been drooling over for years?

Otherwise, it was a pretty chill week. Boris called to tell me he missed me. I got to hang out with alot of different friends, and I am actually enjoying cooking for myself and eating good healthy food! (well maybe not always healthy, but I try sometimes).