Conundrum is an understatement

This week the army was in its prime. My temporary status finally ended and I was sent back to the Yamam, who is in charge of sending soldiers to where they are needed. I was sent there after basic training and they sent me to the helicopter course. I was sent there after they kicked me out of the helicopter course and they tried to send me to Eilat. I argued, and they sent me for a week to the base I have been at for the past month. Luckily I have learned by now to sleep in and take my time getting there, as inevitably you end up sitting outside on a bench for three or four hours waiting to hear something like your name shouted from the incredibly fuzzy loudspeaker. 

So on Monday I packed my book, charged my ipod, woke up late and headed to Tel Aviv to see where they would try to send me now. Keep in mind, that for the past month I have been talking to the commander on my base about being an English teacher there, and had seemed to have put together a plan for me. But alas, man plans and the Yamam laughs. So when I finally got called in to talk to someone, I, well I think its best if I transcribe it for you:

Yamam: We are going to send you to be a secretary.

My Head: WTF???

My voice: Really? I thought I was going to be an english teacher.

Yamam: No, theres no chance you can be an english teacher.

My Head: WTF????

My Voice: Well, I was under the impression that I just spent a month on this base so that I could become an English teacher.

Yamam: Well who told you that?

My Head: You did you *&@#^*$&#*&@#!!!! Right after you wasted a month of my time sending me to a course I couldnt take. A-hole.

My Voice: Um, you did.

Yamam: Go wait outside.

So I went outside and immediatly called my commander and told him they had no idea what I was talking about. So he said he would call and I sat down to wait for another hour. Eventually they called me back in and told me to come back tomorrow and they would see if I could be an English teacher.

My commander called me back and told me that the English teaching office was on the same base and that I should go see them before going to the Yamam. So the next day I went and talked to them first and they told me all about the job- which is teaching english in hebrew (?) and then gave me a hebrew test that consisted of translating a paragraph. I then went to the Yamam, sat their until 2:30 and finally got called into the office. The man looked at me like we had never spoken of this before and said " We are going to send you to Chazor (my base) to be an English teacher, okay?". And I got my little paper and got all excited that I finally had a job.

So I go back to my base, spent all Wednesday meeting with all the various offices I needed to see to finish my clearance and showed up on Thursday ready to work.

On Thursday my commander called me into his office and said I had not passed my test and was not deemed qualified for the job they had already given me. But since he thinks I can do it, he will still let me, this just means I cant go to the course. 

So the army has given me a job they say I am not qualified for and therefore refuse to train me. Oh, the army...