It started on Sunday, when I went back to my base for the first time since my Shmirot (guard duty). I decided to go and talk to the Rabbi on base about what happened to me on Shabbat. We ended up having a 40-min discussion that upset me for the rest of the day. The argument that he made, which I actually respect, is that just because I don't agree with their interpretation of halacha, does not mean that I cannot respect it. They were not trying to offend me, they were trying to follow the laws as they understand them. My counterargument, which the Rabbi did hear and agree with me, is that the army is not Mea Shearim, and while I might have to live by their standards of halacha when on their territory, their job when they come to base for Shabbat is to bring a Shabbat environment to all the soldiers. And while they were more than willing to accept men at any level of religious observance, they were not accepting of women at all. He agreed with me and said he would talk to the yeshiva that sent them, but there was an attitude of acceptance that really upset me. I remained upset when I returned to my office and ended up getting caught crying by my co-workers. And what I found is that even among the non-religious, there is an attitude of complacence towards the ultra-religious. One of the girls in my office had actually been in a car that had been stoned on Shabbat, and still, she treats me and other religious Jews with respect and understanding.
When I moved here I thought it would be so much easier to be religious. And in a way, it is. I will never have to worry about working on Shabbat, I will never have to arrange my course schedule's around the Jewish holidays. My children will grow up in an environment where they wont be embarrassed to be shomer negiyah and learning Torah can be cool. But as I learn more and more about the religious world here, I find that it is much harder to accept the religious attitudes and divisions here. Ignoring the stereotypes and misconceptions and negative attitudes dividing the religious and non-religious, the way the religious people turn against each other and judge each other... it embarrasses me. We do not respect each other and we judge others for not practicing Judaism the way that we do. We categorize everyone by the way they dress and how often they pray and what type of kippah they wear. And it pains me. It pains me to be disrespected and it pains me to see how we treat each other. I came to a place where I could raise my children surrounded by their nation, by a Jewish family, and I find myself rejected by the very people that I consider my "family".
Sorry, I have rambled on again about a subject that is important to me, but somewhat dreary and depressing. I will move on to the next obstacle my brain faced this week.
On Tuesday I took an "occupational exam" that tested my strengths and will supposedly tell me what I am good at and where I should work. I mean I could have told them that I am not good at math and physics without sitting through a few hours of testing, but it was kind of fun to challenge my brain. I haven't done arithmetic without a calculator in over 5 years, so that was interesting. Plus there was a fun part of the exam that tested creativity and I enjoyed that part. But it was a full day exam and my brain was hurting by the end.
On Wednesday I went to Haifa to learn more about the creative therapies Master's program I am interested in. I spoke to the not so nice secretary and a few of the students and then embarked on a two-day frenzy in which I attempted to register for four online classes that I need to have finished by October in order to start the program in the fall. It was intense. I failed. So I will now be taking the next year to complete these four classes and apply for Fall 2011. Which means I am going to have to get a job. But Im not there yet. As I said, my brain has retired for the weekend, and there is no bringing her back until she's ready.
Thank God for Shabbat.
No comments:
Post a Comment