"How to Maneuver the Fire Swamp of Medical Bureaucracy"
1- Go to the clinic on base.
2- Be seen by a mostly incompetent medic who then sends you into see the doctor.
3- Be seen by the somewhat more competent doctor who gives you a form and tells you to go get a test.
4- Through luck and perserverence, manage to get through the automated machines that answer your phone call and make an appointment.
5- Cancel appointment because you were put on guard duty.
6- Repeat step 4.
7- Two months later, head to appointment at different base. Learn that this involves walking one mile and that your water bottle is not big enough for adventures in this country.
8- Spend ten minutes wandering through a maze of a building trying to figure out where your appointment is.
9- Find the office 2 minutes before your appointment and go check in at the front desk.
10- Try not to explode when they tell you that you do not have an appointment today.
11- Argue. Plead. Cry.
12- Get seen by the doctor.
13- Go upstairs for the second test. Pray that they wrote down that you have an appointment.
14- Cheer when they confirm your appointment.
15- Discover that it is with the wrong doctor.
16- Argue. Plead. Yell.
17- Get sent into the commanders office.
18- Be told there are no more appointments for months. You must go to a civilian doctor. Here is the number. Get a form from your base.
19- Make an appointment with the civilian doctor.
20- Make an appointment with the doctor on base to get permission to see the civilian doctor.
21- Be told that you cannot see Civilian Doctor A. You can only see Civilian Doctors B, E, and G.
22- Get permission slip and go to front desk for the number for Civilian Doctor B.
23- Get back to your office, call the number and discover it is the wrong one.
24- Call the clinic again and ask for the right number.
25- Be told that they do not have it. Figure it out yourself.
26- Argue. Plead. Yell. Get hung up on.
27- Cry.
28- Attract the attention of the men you work with, who through magical telephone skills, get you the number.
29- Express shock and surprise when you get an appointment for the next week.
30- Write a long rant complaining about the army.
"Fun Day for the Lone Soldiers"
This week I was invited to a "Yom Keif" (Fun Day) for the lone soldiers on base. This meant me, a bunch of Russians, and Shachaf (who works in my office). I tried to stay optimistic despite having to rise at 5:45 am in order to get to base on time for the "Yom Keif". We were showered with baked goods, packed on to a bus, and sent to Ra'anana to spend the day at a country club. The only "country" part of this club were the random chickens wandering around the pool. So we spent the morning chilling by the pool wondering why we didnt just do this on base before being invited to the entertainment portion of our day. Which was a magician. Our "Yom Keif" was basically an 8 year old's birthday party. Which of course, I am not one to complain about. Because I love magic (Ari- I have a new trick for you to master) and I love pools, and they even gave us popsicles. We even got goodie bags (though deoderant and socks are NOT as exciting as candy and noisemakers). What I really missed was the part where your parents pick you up at the end of the party. Because it took me 3 hours to get home from Ra'nana, and after 20 minutes at the first bus stop I was really missing that pool.
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