I choose this color for America because America is green. It is also big, thus the easy-to-read font size.
America was awesome. Pretty much all of my pictures are of Alon, and I think I could have spent a whole month with just him (and a month's supply of mommy-milk) and been happy. It was a wonderfully family-filled trip, and while I did not get to see all of you (and am kind of bummed out about that) I have to say, it was a much needed vacation with much-missed people. I got to spend a good amount of time with my sister and brother in law (Hey Ez, did I tell you that in Hebrew you are my Geese. Yup, not only is it shorter than the English but it makes you a bird) and got to watch them becoming parents. And I got to spend time with my brothers and participate in their college experience (okay, so its not so different from mine, but still) and I got to spend quality time with both of my parents. I got to do all the family things like fighting and crying and laughing and teasing and shooting and cooking. And I got to finish the painting project I started last year that no one bothered to finish!
So all in all, I had a really good time. Such a good time, in fact, that when the time came to leave I didnt want to. Which kind of worried me. Enough that I stayed awake my whole flight watching movies so I didnt have to think about anything. Also because there were alot of good movies.
I choose this color for Israel because it is kind of the color that everything is right now. And I have bolded it because people here yell alot.
Anyway, once I landed in Israel and had a nice fight with the driver that took me home, I started to feel happy to be back. Driving into Jerusalem will always make me happy, even if I have only been away for a few hours. A few of my friends came over to greet me, all the guys from my office called me to welcome me back and I was surrounded by much love and sushi. I had a few days off to unpack and recover from jet lag, and then I went to Kibbutz Ein Tzurim for a very good Yom Kippur. Yes, we prayed for 7 hours, had a 45 min break and then went back for the last 3 hours, but there was so much good energy there. We sang our prayers and everyone was so present! It was more joyful and mournful and I think that is actually okay for the Day of Judgement. Because after all, we are not perfect and we hopefully all just spent ten days thinking about what we did wrong and how we want to be better. And this day, this is the day to tell Hashem how much we love Him and pray for mercy. It was a very loving environment and I had a really meaningful Yom Kippur as a result.
On Sunday I headed back to base for the first time. I was met with big hugs and exclamations of how much they had missed me and then the inevitable annoying paperwork because the army or I confused something along the way. Long story short, I had to sign on to serve one extra day because someone wrote down the dates of my trip wrong.. I then went home to deal with the University where I am trying to take some classes next semester and was met with more incompetence and misunderstandings. I experienced that again when I went to try to get my phone fixed and got home with an overwhelming desire for my mother.
And this is Israel. This juxtaposition of moments that are so frustrating and hair-wrenching that they make you say "What the hell am I doing here?!?" and moments that are so liberating and exhilarating that you think "Wow, I am so lucky to be a part of this." I got a ride the other day from a woman who made aliyah fourteen years ago and was still overjoyed with the fact that she lives in ISRAEL. I listened to her go on about how lucky and happy she is to be here and I hoped that twelve years from now I will still be that excited. Because it is HARD. It is so freaking hard sometimes when you just cant say what you want to say or do what you need to do because you dont know how or it doesn't exist, or if it does you don't know how to find it! So I don't know why I am still happy to be back. Why, like every Israeli I know, there comes a point after all that frustration and yelling that I can take a deep breath and say "It will all work out" and believe it.
I think you do have to be crazy to live here. I certainly feel like I am sometimes.
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