For Esther

Firstly, I just have to say, Shawn and Melissa's wedding was by far the greatest party I have ever been to. (Sorry for those of you whose weddings I have attended, but it's true). Anyway, more on that later.

I want to talk about Purim. Purim is the upcoming Jewish holiday in which we read the story of Esther and celebrate not being the objects of genocide. It is a happy holiday. We put on costumes, give out food and charity, host a big meal, and in general drink a lot of wine and make a lot of noise. In addition, the entire month of Adar, in which this holiday falls, is considered a month of joy and pranks. It is like April Fool's Day for a month. This year is especially exciting because, due to the leap year, we have two months of Adar.

I recently received an email from my friend Esti discussing the recent slaughter of the Fogel family that occurred in Israel last Friday night. This, in addition to other tragedies that had occurred in the last two months made her ask "what the hell? what is going on? God, what is happening?". As she described the sorrow and confusion she was feeling, I felt guilty for feeling so happy in my post-wedding euphoria. And yet I understand her. I have experienced heart-wrenching loss in the month of Adar, I have experienced the confusion and pain brought about by senseless tragedy in this "happy, joyous" month. I have had Purims where I simply did not have the strength to dress up, was not in the mood to sing and dance.

Last night my father called Purim a "kid's" holiday. The dressing up, the treats, the noisemakers- I had to admit, it is kind of juvenile. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that Purim is about so much more. Everyone knows the story, and yet do we notice that there is not very much joy in it? Today we are fasting, as all the Jews fasted upon Esther's request before she went to the king to beg him to save the Jews. This is a story of near-destruction. Of a queen that had to hide her heritage out of fear for her life, of a people that were on the brink of being slaughtered by their more-than-willing neighbors. Our "salvation" was the chance to defend ourselves. Yes there is a happy ending, the bad guy gets killed, the good guys get promoted, and the Jews live. Do our celebrations reflect this whole story? Or just the simple happy ending?

I have a professor who keeps telling my class that our twenties are the best years of our lives, that "It's all downhill from here". When I told my nearly-80 year old grandmother this last week, she scoffed. She told me that the best year of her life was 40. At that point she knew who she was, what she wanted, and what she loved. It is the perfect balance of experience and ability. I liked this idea, not only because it gives me another 15 years before I "peak", but because it values a balance.

I think that when we are young, my father is right, Purim is juvenile. It is a chance to get a fun costume and lots of candy. As we get older we get excited about the socially-encouraged drinking aspect. But as we mature, we become more well-acquainted with pain. We begin to understand pessimism and develop our doubts about the goodness of humanity and the reasoning of God. I have seen people lose their faith- in God and in humanity. And this makes me believe that Purim is even more important for adults than it is for children.

This is our chance to feel joy, even if it is senseless. It is a holiday for appreciating the ridiculous, laughing at the silly, and enjoying the simply pleasure of good company and good food. The Jews of Shushan experienced a senseless discrimination, a baseless hatred- something that our history is rife with. And they survived it. As Esti said "death is what makes life worth living". It is the experience of senseless pain and tragedy that makes senseless joy and ridiculousness so much more valuable. Because on Friday a family can be murdered and on Sunday a marriage can begin another one. I don't think Adar is a month of joy, as in every other month, horrible things will keep happening. But it is an opportunity to feel joy, if for no other reason then that we are still alive.

As I said to Esti, I hope you find joy this week, I hope you revel in it and love it and can feel that, in some way, it balances all that pain and hurt.

Halfway Done

Well folks, I have officially reached the halfway point!
Well maybe not officially, I haven't really done the math, but I just finished all my midterms and am now on spring break so it feels like halfway. Plus, in one more week I will be attending the HIGHLIGHT of my time in America, the BEST (okay, well second best, because Alon always comes first) reason to come back to America...(drumroll please).... Shawn and Melissa's WEDDING!!!!!!!!!!

This wedding has been the most exciting thing that I have been looking forward to ever since I knew I was going to be here to make it. It has been my consolation every time I had to sit by my computer waiting for someone to post pictures on Facebook of the weddings I missed in Israel. Now I just have to find something to wear and I can go spend the day in Miami with all my friends from college, some of whom I haven't seen in two years :)

It will also be a lovely way to end my spring break as I am spending most of it in New Hampshire, where spring has very clearly not yet sprung. While DC has been acting like the tease it is, interspersing days of wintery windiness with sunshine and high temperatures, it still made me feel like spring was just around the corner. But as I drove north today the temperature slowly dropped, and the snow began to accumulate. I am now bundled up at my Bubbie's with a few feet of the white stuff outside. Apparently all the flooding roads are a sign of spring here, but it just isn't quite as exciting as reading about the plans for the Cherry Blossom Festival in the morning paper.

 

But no matter what the weather or where I am, the exciting part of this week is where I am not. I am very happy that I have one week in which I do not have to sit in class. While the topics we are covering have become much more interesting- we have moved past Freud, Freud, Freud, to the current generations trend towards later marriage, how a baby learns to speak, and various types of anxiety disorders. We watched video's of Milgram's study, read case studies on people with Disassociative Identity Disorder (Multiple Personality Disorder) and read about an experiment where the doctor checked himself into a mental institute to see if anyone could tell he was sane. The material is all very interesting, but unfortunately, it is mostly not well taught.

Ranging from terrible examples to professors oversharing about their personal life (which leads to students oversharing about their personal life), there have been certain professors that,well, suck. There is one class that I actually think I could teach better than the professor because at least I have read the book. I was given a test this past week and was told that each question was worth 2.4 points and there would be 2 points extra credit because she got a little confused when trying to calculate how many questions to put on the test. I have another teacher who has yet to give us a test, a homework assignment, a reading assignment, or a quiz. It took him a month to give us a syllabus and he has only now realized that he has done nothing in terms of assessment. Oh, and I chewed out one of my professors last week after she went on a rant against alternative therapies. She did send out an apology letter to the class, so I don't think it will badly affect my grade, but there is just only so much stupidity that I can handle.

Which is why I am now going to go back to enjoying my break :)