"Patience, I say, there is no shortcut."

So first things first, my job. My job is... unclear. I am in a new office on a new base near Gedera, about a 40 min bus ride from Jerusalem. Which means it only takes me about 2 hours to get from home to my office, and they let me go home every night. I am working with a group of older male officers, who are incredibly funny and immature in all the right ways, not the annoying ways. It is in an office, which is not at all what I wanted, but its a very nice work environment, and no one asks me to make them coffee. As for what I do, well this week it was mostly reading (finished Call of the Wild and In the Land of Israel by Amos Oz- which I highly recommend), but if I stay there I will be doing some combination of a) teaching english, b) teaching Microsoft Office, and c) making a movie about how you have to make sure to check the air something so that something doesnt happen and the plane doesnt crash. I clearly understood the technical aspects of this movie.

The exciting part of my week was that I got to go on two tours. The first was of my base- there was a group of visiting high school electricians (yes, they learn this stuff in hs here) that came to learn about the types of jobs they could have in the army. So I got to see all the electrical whatnots that they put in the plane and learn about all the smart bombs and cool technology that the Israeli army is using these days. And I got to go near the F-16's which was a little sad, but mostly cool.

The second tour was to the IDF museum and Etzel museum in Yaffo. Etzel is one of the military groups that fought before the War of Independence and eventually joined the Haganah to form the Israeli army. They are also the ones that blew up the King David hotel, and at one point managed to steal 10 tons of artillery from the British army with about 10 men. The IDF museum is in the old Turkish train station and houses basically everything military and historical, from Ben Gurions car (he drove a Ford!) to every tank and gun they could get their hands on. It was kind of crazy learning about each of the Israeli wars (from a non-Diaspora Jew perspective) and seeing the weapons that they were using. The War of Independence really is a freaking miracle- these people were armed with Mexican canons from the 1900's and weapons they designed, like the Davidka, which doesnt really do so much but makes a really big noise. And that was frequently enough to scare away the Arab forces they were fighting. And as we went forward in time through each war and the crazy odds we were against, its really amazing that we still exist.

And then we got to the war on terror, which we are still fighting now and I just started to get angry. Its ridiculous that 60 something years later we still have to fight to be recognized, still have to argue that we deserve to be here, still have to deal with people who want to deny our right to exist.

And the craziest part about it is that while I am getting all worked up and upset about what our tour guide is telling us, all these other soldiers are taking it in stride. True, some of them just arent paying attention, but for the most part, they are just used to it. They are used to the fact that this is how it is and even if they agree that it is unjust and unfair, it doesnt get to them because it is no longer fresh.

I feel like every day I learn something new about Israel or Israelis and every time I am shocked by the strength and endurance that they show. I have heard Americans be accused of being naive and optimistic, and I am beginning to understand why that is a bad thing to Israelis. I see how they can look at us and think we are silly for clinging so dearly to our ideals of fairness and justice for all when they are fighting nail and tooth to stay alive. But I also see how important it is, that there are still those who are young and idealistic and willing to sacrifice for what they believe is right.

I have long found myself torn between the democratic ideals and beliefs I have been raised with and the determination to help Israel survive and remain a Jewish land despite, and in spite of, those who wish to see us destroyed. Because the truth is, they frequently clash. The clash of democracy vs theocracy, of security vs. equality, nationality vs. humanity. And I dont have the answer for it all, I dont have any solutions, and while at times it becomes overwhelming and I just dont want to think about it anymore and dont want to argue about it anymore- I thank God that I have not become complacent. That I still feel the injustices, on both sides of the spectrum, and that I still believe that we can find some kind of equilibrium

Eight Holy Nights

So everyone Jewish knows, that unlike Christmas, Hannukah just doesnt have that many good songs. I mean, the radio stations start playing carols months before Christmas, but there is only one Hannukah song ever interspersed amongst them. Thank God for Adam Sandler.

One would think the situation would improve in Israel, but alas, they only have two or three Hannukah songs that they just put on repeat. And they arent as good as Adam's. Not only that, but since the Christian population in Israel is mostly Arab- there are no Christmas carols either! And I'll admit it, Im still American enough that I kind of miss the whole Christmas cheer- the lights, the songs, the strange men in red inviting children to sit on their laps...

So my friend Ari and I solved both of these problems by coming up with a Channukah Carol to which I am dedicating this email.

On the first night of Channukah, my Saba (grandfather) gave to me- 1 Channukiahhhhh

On the first night of Channukah, the good Lord gave to me- a last minute shuttle that got me to my Rabbi's house in Beit Shemesh just in time to light candles. He also blessed me with a Rabbi and wife who like me so much that I could call them six hours before Shabbat and invite myself to their already crowded house.

On the second night of Channukah, my Savta (grandmother) gave to me- 2 dreidels and one Channukiahhhh

On the second night of Channukah my Rabbi's wife gave to me- a pair of fuzzy toe socks that I got to enjoy for a total of five minutes before her daughters stole them. But it was a really nice thought.

On the third night of Channukah, my Saba gave to me- 3 Sufganiyot (jelly donuts), 2 dreidels, and one Channukiahhhh

On the third night of Channukah, my Momma gave to me- a giant basket of cookies, chocolates, balloons and a teddy bear. Which was just what I needed, as that day I had returned to Haifa to be processed off my base. I spent the whole day waiting around for the people I had been really excited to have teach me, process the paperwork to kick me off base. It sucked. (The base part, the cookies were actually really good)

On the fourth night of Channukah, my Savta gave to me- 4 potato latkas, 3 Sufganiyot, 2 dreidels, and one Channukiahhhh

On the fourth night of Channukah, the good Jews of Israel reminded me why I am proud to serve in the IDF. I spent the day in Tel Aviv arguing with somebody important and eventually landing some sort of job that involves English. Neither she nor I really understood what this job is, but they are letting me try it out for a week, starting on Sunday. This also meant I got a Channukah vacation :)

That night, the group I used to volunteer for- Standing Together- sponsored a Channukah party for lone soldiers (those of us volunteering with no parents in the country). I got a free dinner, a lovely package of socks and men's deodorant, and most importantly, I had some charming elderly Americans and adorable South African teenage boys tell me how proud and thankful they were that we were serving in the Israeli army. Also, the man I used to volunteer for was shocked that I had switched sides and was incredibly proud of me. To put it simply, it was really good for my morale.

On the fifth night of Channukah, my Saba gave to me- 5 pieces of gelt, 4 potato latkas, 3 Sufganiyot, 2 dreidels, and one Channukiahhhhh

On the fifth night of Channukah, Tamara Fine-Skversky gave me the opportunity to see the holiday lights- Israel style. Ari and I went and volunteered where Tamara works, in the depths of Mea Shearim and spent most of the afternoon cutting vegetables (with which they prepare healthy meals for the elderly). We finished just as it was getting dark, and as we walked out into the incredibly charedi (ultra-orthodox) neighborhood, we encountered dozens of religious families standing outside their homes lighting their Channukiahs, singing, and dancing. While the small oil-burning candelabras may not be as impressive as a giant blow up Santa or a block of bedazzled rafters, it was pretty cool to walk through the windy back streets of Jerusalem and see candles burning at every doorstep.

It was also the first night I had someone else to light with, as Ari and I picked up Thai food, and lit together at his apartment. Its way more fun to light with friends.

On the sixth night of Channukah, my Savta gave to me- 6 Sidrei Mishna, 5 pieces of gelt, 4 potato latkas, 3 Sufganiyot, 2 dreidels, and one Channukiahhhhh

On the sixth night of Channukah, the awesomeness that is Caroline Battle (www.carolinebattle.com) gave me a much needed kick in the pants and I pulled out my art supplies for the first time in too long. I spent the day getting ink on my shirt and glue on my fingers and charcoal, well, everywhere.

The creative streak stuck with me, and that night I made latkas for the first time, smoked up our apartment (just like home!) and forced my roommates to eat them. We lit together, chowed down on oily potato pancakes and applesauce, and exchanged giant pieces of gelt. It was almost like family :)

On the seventh night of Channukah, my Saba gave to me- 7 Maccabis, 6 Sidrei Mishna, 5 pieces of gelt, 4 potato latkas, 3 Sufganiyot, 2 dreidels, and one Channukiahhhhh

On the seventh night, oh, well, thats right now. On the seventh night my friend Daniel gave me a party. Well its not really for me, its for him, but I get to go, so its kinda like a present. One that I have to go get dressed for now. So I will quickly conclude.

On the eight night of Channukah, my Savta gave to me- 8 pachs of oil, 7 Maccabis, 6 Sidrei Mishna, 5 pieces of gelt, 4 potato latkas, 3 Sufganiyot, 2 dreidels, and one Channukiahhhhh!!!!

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again

Remember those good old days of emotional turbulence and rollercoaster analogies? Well they made a come back this week.

Sunday started off amazing because I got into the helicopter training course I had been hoping for. I was with two of my friends from the week before and seemed to be with a pretty good group. It was the first time I was in a group with boys, which was different, but pretty entertaining. My mefakeds all seemed pretty cool and were very understanding of my new immigrant and lone soldier status and seemed very ready to help me out. Now each course has to do a Shavua Ra'am, which means spending one week doing kitchen and guard duty for the base. As our mefakeds didn't want to interrupt our learning in the middle of the course, they decided to do this in the beginning- meaning that for this past week I was on kitchen and guard duty.

I started out in the kitchen, which aside for the 5 am wake up, really wasn't so bad. It was mostly cleaning off tables, mopping floors, and occasionally acting as the Pudding Police and making sure everyone only took one. It actually meant I got better food, as I spent most of the week working in the commanders cafeteria. And of course, being the police, I got to eat as much pudding as I wanted.

Our kitchen crew ended up forming a sort of clique, which consisted of the two girls I knew and four boys from our course. They were all 18, and for the most part acted like it, but they were entertaining and fun to hang out with most of the time. Jackson, with the ironically American name, was the only one I really had a problem with. Jackson is from a kibbutz up north that has a lot of American immigrants. This has led him to despise American accents. So every time I spoke, he would complain, and when I yelled at him that I cant help the way I talk and he should stop being an ass, he would proceed to rant about all the horrible American traits like obesity, bad movies, and optimism. He seemed to think that all Americans are afflicted with Valley Girl perkiness. Needless to say, this tended to annoy me, but as he is an 18 year old boy, every retort I made went in one ear and out the other. So I tended to walk away from our kitchen shifts annoyed and frustrated.

This, in addition to a few other incidents, began to give me a taste of what it would be like to spend the next year surrounded by 18 year olds, and the prospect was a little scary. I have met some incredible individuals, but on a group level, especially once boys become involved, the maturity is a little low for me.

So I spent a good part of the week trying to envision a future filled with frustratingly immature friends and ceaseless taunting for the way I speak.

Then Thursday came around, and the switched me to guard duty, which was cool, because I got to spend most of my time doing whatever I wanted and just had to walk around with a gun in case they called me and needed me to fill in for someone. I was a little worried because I had been woken up that morning with a phone call from my mefaked who wanted to confirm that I was in fact 23 years old and volunteering for a year, but as this was not the first time the army called me to confirm facts I had already confirmed 15-20 times, I tried not to think about it too much. When he called me again that afternoon, I became more nervous and the next hour I spent sitting outside his office waiting for him to be ready didn't help. Eventually, I got called into the office of the Mefaked Gaf (who is in charge of all the courses in our area), saluted, and was asked if I knew why I was there. I didn't, and when I shared that with him, he started off his nice little soliloquy with "Well, you are 23" and I knew it was only going downhill from there. He told me that what I am doing is incredibly brave and that he wishes all his soldiers were as motivated as I am, BUT since I am only volunteering for a year, and our course is three months long, it is not worth it to train me. He continued to assure me that it wasn't me, it was my time, but apparently my motivation is not enough, and despite the fact that I am probably the only person in his unit that has ever cried because they had to leave, they kicked me out of the course.

So I am no longer going to learn about helicopters, which to sum up everything that went through my head and came out of my mouth, sucks. They were pretty quick about taking away my gun, and I in turn, was pretty quick about throwing all my stuff in my bag and getting off base before I embarrassed myself by crying in front of even more people. And I once again found myself being sent home by the army, with no idea what I will be doing for my remaining 10 months.

So that sucked a lot, and while I do believe that it will all work out for the best and I hope that I will still placed in a job that I enjoy and find meaningful, I am pretty bummed out about losing the opportunity to work on Apaches. Because that would have been really cool.

I am apparently funny in Hebrew

The exciting news of the week is..... I still dont know what my job will be! Oh, how I love the army!

Turns out that what I thought was supposed to be my first week of training was a Shavua Mi-yoon, a week of more tests and interviews to determine where to put us. By this, I mean we took three tests and had one interview, had an assembly where we learned about the jobs being offered to us and spent most of the rest of the week sitting around on our butts.This was better than last week because this time I was with 23 other girls and got to spend the week being intentionally and unintentionally funny in Hebrew. Still havent gotten over the looks of shock on girls faces when they find out I am 23 either. Thats always fun.

But this week, for once, I was not the only Olah (immigrant) as there were 5 other Russian immigrants with me. This didnt really help me as they would all just speak to each other in Russian, but it was nice to have other people who had more trouble with Hebrew then I did.

As for the jobs, I am pretty optimistic since I totally rocked my tests and interviews. It helps that I am pretty much the only person that wants to be in this part of the army and that two of the tests were on english comprehension. I found out over the course of the week that to people who dont volunteer for the army, the only thing they are interested in when choosing a job is:

1) how close to home they will be

2) how often they will get to go home

3) whether there will be hot pilots around and 

4) what kind of shoes they will get to wear.

This got kind of annoying as all of our "questions" time was wasted arguing about how often they would get to go home and as a result, not all of the jobs were throughly explained. But by the end of the week, I succeeded in picking my top 5 and am sincerely hoping I will get my first choice. So, what are the jobs you ask?

1) Apache technician- This is the hardest job with the least amount of time at home. You have to be able to get up at 2 am to greet the incoming copters, you get to climb all over the helicopter doing all the dirty, grungy, work and you are responsible for making sure they are prepped to fly. This is of course, my dream job, and since you need a good understanding of english (as these helicopters are all manufactured in Arizona) and I am one of the few girls that want this job, I think I have a good chance of getting it. Oh, and I am a girl enough to get excited that they will give me boots on this job.

2) Ammunition technician for the F-15I- This job was presented to us with a video that had fast music and lots of images of pilots and airplanes and basically gave no more other information other than the fact that this job is cool. All of the boys wanted this one.

3) F-16 electrician- I figured the teenagers with electrical experience (because apparently they learn things like this in high school) would get preference over me on this one.

4) Engine technician- Works on the innermost engines, but as you cant get to those when they are in the plane, there is very little next-to-plane time on this one. Plus the girl that pitched it kept talking about how much time you got to spend hanging out at the pool so I figured our priorites were a little different.

5) This was some sort of job that requires understanding how the plane was built. What they do with that information was a little unclear to me, but as it has no next-to-plane time, I dont really want it.

Anyway, that was pretty much it for this week. I am home for the weekend (which will apparently be a frequent occurrence!) and headed back to Haifa on Sunday where I will hopefully be given a job at last. I would of course not be at all surprised if that did not happen or if they decided to send me to pilot's school next as the army makes absolutely no sense. Oh! I forgot to share my story about how they army makes no sense. There was a girl in my room with a fear of planes. Like a debilitating phobia that incapacitates her when she is anywhere near an airplane. And they sent her to the air force technician school.

That is all.

No one eats green veggies on Thanksgiving

Aright, I have been trying to figure out a way to organize the random medley of events that happened to me this week and I am resorting to a food analogy. Please bear with me.

This week was a salad. Nothing fancy with purple cabbage or chicken strips, just your basic tossed salad. So going basic, we'll start with the lettuce. Lettuce is the base, it fills out the salad, holds onto the dressing and is basically the most necessary ingredient. In fact, Im pretty sure my brother Barak thinks that lettuce is called salad. My lettuce is living in Israel- without which none of the weird things that happen to me would make sense.

Next were going to throw in some carrots. Carrots annoy me because they take a really long time to chew. Over the years I have acquired the patience to actually chew my carrots, but when I was younger I used to just bite off small pieces and swallow them. So our carrots represent my patience. Which was really put to the test this week as I waited for buses to take me to and from Rehovot each day. As I sat around on my base waiting for someone to give me something to do. As I sat in army offices waiting hours for a piece of paper. And as I waited each painfully long day for the army to release me from my mind-numbing boredom.

Tomatoes- Tomatoes are one of those things that I have always eaten, but only started to really like a few months ago when I ate an absolutely amazing one at the Skversky's. I also like tomatoes because even though you know its coming, I still get excited when I bite into one and get that big juicy sploosh in my mouth. This week books were my tomatoes. The analogy is not perfect, because I have always liked reading, but this week I found myself picking up old classics (they fit perfectly into my uniform pockets) and even though I knew I had liked reading it the first time, I still enjoyed the big juicy sploosh that is quality writing (or in the case of the Harry Potter books, just fun stories). These books were my saving grace this week as I spent most of my days sitting in an army warehouse with nothing to do. Of the three days of work I had this week, I think I did a total of two hours of work. Not that I am lazy, they just had nothing for us to do after we folded all the flags and organized the silverware.

Avocado- Avocado is always the most exciting part of the salad for me and I go out of my way to pick them out. Now, I didnt go out of my way to pick these out, but there were a few exciting events that happened to me this week. The first may not seem so exciting to you, but at the time helped me retain my sanity. On our first day in the warehouse (they kicked us out of the armory because they were having inspections), our commander would give us about 10 min worth of work and then leave us there for 2.5 hours. So pretty much, we were bored out of our minds. We played catch with a tassel, found a lighter and after almost setting a box of flags on fire decided that was a bad thing to play with, attempted to sleep on a shipping crate, and then WE FOUND A BOX OF DOMINOES! Im telling you, it was really exciting!

Okay, my next story is a little better. As I was coming home on Wednesday the whole "soldiers know how to handle crises" thing was put to the test when a young yeshiva boy passed out on my bus busting his head open on the way down. Luckily there were other concerned citizens to do things like call the ambulance and talk to the kid, but I ended up being the one pressing the freshly bought dinner napkins donated by a nice old lady to the guys forehead because he had blood running down his face. He was still on the floor of the bus, so I sat next to him applying pressure trying to transfer all of the medical stuff I had learned about bullet wounds to this situation and eventually giving up and going for the "put something on the bleeding part" technique. I did this until some self-righteous woman suggested that this religious boy might be more comfortable with a man holding napkins to his head, because clearly, when semi-conscious and bleeding from the forehead having a woman apply pressure to your wound might lead you to improper thoughts. But I gracefully passed my duty onto another religious man and sood after got off the bus.

And the last, and most important part of the salad, is of course, the dressing. The dressing permeates every part of your salad, making it so much more exciting than a pile of vegetables. Well this week's dressing was Thanksgiving. Now, as I said last week, I was very upset to miss the madness that is my home on Thanksgiving, but apparently I am not the only American in Israel missing the taste of home (aka turkey and stuffing). But just as Jews in America celebrate two days of chag (holiday) due to an uncertainty born of a seven hour time difference, Americans here seemed a little unsure when to celebrate Thanksgiving. So they just did it all week long. On Tuesday night I went to a Sheva Brachot (post-wedding party) and had turkey and stuffing. On Wednesday I was invited to a party in Nachlaot and had, turkey and stuffing (and really good cran-apple stuff). On Thursday, my slightly less-confused roommate hosted Thanksgiving dinner and I had more turkey and stuffing (and made a really good pumpkin pie!) and I just found out that the people that are hosting me for dinner tonight are serving, bum bum bum, turkey and stuffing. So if I missed out on quality Covel time this Thanksgiving, I definitely made up for it in quantity.

Anyway, Shabbat is fast approaching and I must go prepare. I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving and enjoy your long weekend! Ill be rising at the crack of dawn on Sunday and heading to training in Haifa. Oh, how I miss Sundays.

Life is like a box of chocolates

Remember that scene in Forrest Gump where he super-speedily dismantles and puts back together his M-16? Well this week I was Forrest Gump x200.

After some army craziness that I will elaborate on further, I ended up spending all day yesterday in the armory cleaning guns. There are two rounds of cleaning that the guns go through, the first  is simply opening up the gun and removing the Michlal (which I think is the bolt in english) and dipping the two of them in an oily, turpentine-smelling solution and brushing them down. I had this down to an art by the end of the day, they were teasing me for being so fast. The second, which is more fun and less smelly, is dismantling the michlal and cleaning and oiling all the smaller parts. I didnt get to do this as many times, but perhaps next week.

As for how I found myself wearing a pitiful plastic apron and dipping guns in oil- it is a story that makes everyone that has served in the IDF sigh and say "Welcome to the Army, Kf".

Sunday morning I showed up at a base an hour late, which turned out not to matter because no one noticed, and sat around for a few hours until I finally got called into an interview. Ten short minutes later I was jumping for joy because I got the job I really wanted and they are going to train me to be an airplane technician!! This a) means I get to not only get to touch an F-16 but become intimate in a way that makes my brothers drool. Ha. and b) I get to go back to the base where I had basic training and talk to my Mefakedet's like we are both normal people which not-so-secretly thrills me and c) I get to wear a cool jumpsuit.

But as my training doesnt start for another week, it also means they had to find something to do with me so I dont go soft with a week's vacation. So they sent me to a base that is close to home (only two hours by bus! oh joy) to do, well, busywork. 

So I get to my new base on Monday, thrilled to see at least 8 F-15's flying overhead, and spent another few lovely hours sitting around before they were like "Uh, we cant process you today, too much going on, come back on Wednesday". Sweet.

I enjoyed my time off, and then headed back again on Wednesday, this time an hour and a half late, and it once again didnt matter In fact, I had timed it perfectly because about 20 minutes after I got there, they needed the room we were waiting in so they sent me and six other girls off with a man named Michel. Michel gave us to his adorably nerdy secretary who then spent the rest of the day shuttling us around the base to get our clearance form signed. They sent us home at 4:30 with instructions to be back on base at 7:30 every morning. I am still trying to get them to give me a place to sleep as this means I have to be up by 5 am.

Anyway, by now its Thursday, I arrive on base and after making me sweep the dirt for like 40 minutes they sent me to the armory where I became Forrest Gump. Oh and they also made me mop the dirt. Dont really know whats with them and trying to clean the ground. Especially since they kept making me use horribly corrosive un-environmental chemicals. 

Anyway, I am off for Shabbat and enjoying all my free time although it does feel really strange so fresh out of the lock-down that is basic training. But as I am very quickly learning, nothing the army does makes sense but is working out ok for me so far so I am not going to complain.

Oh and to the 30+ people who are going to be in my house for Thanksgiving- I MISS YOU ALREADY! My roommate is planning a small Thanksgiving dinner, but it is just not going to be the same without my Momma's massive turkey and my dad's mashed taters, and Shosh's biscuits, and Aunt Z's sweet potatoes. And Nat, I am making pumpkin pie just because I cant imagine Thanksgiving without it. In fact, its hard to imagine Thanksgiving without the family craziness, so YOU BETTER CALL ME!

Basic training is like learning to be a duck

 I had an epiphany the other day while marching after my Mefakedet and realized that soldiers are basically well-armed ducks. How so, you ask? Allow me to elaborate:

Firstly, the first and most important thing we learn is how to follow the leader. If you were to peek onto our base during training you would find our mother ducks/mefakedets marching around closely followed by their ducklings/soldiers. And woe unto she who falls behind or out of line, because Mama Duck sure knows how to scold.

Secondly, the ability to wade through lake-size puddles is an important trait come winter-time in Israel. While we lack that nice oily sheen that keeps us dry, that does not stop us from standing, marching, running, and sitting in the rain as if being perpetually wet was the most natural state for a human being.

Thirdly, not only do 18 year old girls tend to eat like birds, but the army loves to feed us nothing but bread and will frequently regurgitate breakfast and serve it as dinner.

Okay, enough of that analogy. I am done with basic training and that is the exciting part. I have finished all of my tests, am now certified to carry a gun, and most importantly, I got my first piece of army bling- the awesome Air Force pin I put on my beret.

We had our ceremony on Monday (which I unfortunately have no pictures of), and I was named the Mitztayenet of our Machlaka. Which means, that of the 61 girls in my group, my mefakedets' all thought that I was the best soldier. And the coolest part was the girls all agreed and told me I deserved it. So at our Tekes (ceremony), I and the four girls chosen from the other Machlakas went up to the front, saluted the general of the base and received certificates and handshakes and "Good Job"s from the big man with all the knots on his shoulder. There was some embarrassment during practice while I tried to perfect the Israeli version of "Hut" in order to signal to all the girls when we should salute, but it all worked out in the end.

After that, we all swore ourselves to the army, first repeating the oath as a group, and then each individually being handed a gun and Tanach (Bible) and shouting "I swear!" to our Mem'Mem. I cannot even begin to describe how it felt to walk up there and shout my allegiance to the Israeli army. I cried, of course, because I was just so overwhelmed with emotion it had to come out somehow. At that moment I really became an Israeli soldier and all the running through the rain and crawling through the dirt and standing for hours in the sun- it was all worth that moment. I don't even know what I will be doing for the next year, but thats okay, because whatever it is, its going to be for the IDF and thats all that really matters.

I have to say that at that moment I also very much felt like a lone soldier and wished my parents were there so my mother could cheer so loudly I would blush and my father could watch us march around in formation and salute with our guns. My friends came to support me, but missed the whole ceremony (thus no pictures). They did however bring love and cookies and a much needed show of pride and emotional support.

Anyway, I am off for Shabbat and headed back on Sunday to hopefully find out what I will be doing for the next 11 months. I am thrilled to be home where I can shower alone and wash all my clothes and eat whatever I want whenever I want. And of course, so I can come online and catch up with everyone. Because even though its only been 2 1/2 weeks, it felt like months. Its crazy how life can change in such a short time.

    

I dream in formation

Well this was quite possibly the longest week of my life. Im not even sure where to start. I think were gonna go with list form.

Things I learned in basic training:

1. זמן זה קודש- Time is Holy. By this, they mean that we better freaking be on time and standing in formation so that we can wait a hour for whatever it is that we are supposed to be doing next. 

2. Akshev is a magic word. Like in "Simon Says" if you do not begin every sentence with "Akshev [insert rank of person you are talking to]" you have to go back and start again. Unlike "Simon Says", if you do this too many times they make you do push ups.

3. When the army doesnt know what to do with you they make you run. When you are going through basic training with a bunch of 18 year old girls, half of them manage to get notes from their doctors saying they cant run. So they do push ups.

4. After a certain point, it is in fact possible to stop caring about things like whether or not food tastes good, whether you and all your clothing stink, whether you are likely to contract a disease from your army issued blanket, and whether you have to shower naked in front of 20 other girls.

5. M-16 A-1's are incredibly cool to look at and incredibly less cool to have to carry around with you all day. Especially when that means that you have to eat, sleep, and yes, shower with it. Oh and more especially when one of your fellow soldiers gets sick and you have to carry (eat, sleep, and shower with) her gun as well.

6. That being said, taking apart and cleaning an M-16 A-1 is incredibly fun.

7. It is very difficult to answer questions you know the answer to in the wrong language. It is also very embarrassing when you ask whether we have murdered (רצחנו?) instead of whether we have washed (רחצנו?).

8. Most 18 year old girls cannot fathom why a 23 year old American would want to move to Israel, much less join the army. They find this especially hard to understand after we have been given 30 seconds to run back and forth to a stump and line up in the rain. 

9. I now know the Hebrew words for all the M-16 parts, all the bullet parts, bullet wounds, tourniquets, all the parts of your leg, and vomit. Oh and that it is a good thing to be a "shpitz".

I couldnt think of a number 10 so at this point I am going to switch back to paragraphs. All in all, I survived my first week and only have a week and a half to go. I am doing better than most of the girls there because I am used to being without my parents, ok with bad food, and mostly, I chose to be there. I also have a better understanding of guns (thanks Abba) and emergency first aid (thanks Ima) than most of them do. That being said, all the Hebrew tends to even things about a bit, but they are all being very nice to me and making sure I understand and know whats going on. They also let me write things on my arm so I can check when I forget. This week was pretty much split between being yelled at, learning the hard way how to stand in formation, cleaning up our bunks, and sitting through classes and lectures. We learned about the history of the army and how it is set up, we learned about the history of the M-16 and all the gun safety laws we need to know. We learned emergency first aid and how to work as a team. We learned all the things we can and cannot wear and do and finally we had an assembly on all the type of jobs we can have. I was given three job options which I requested in this order, 1. Airplane/helicoptor/bomb technician 2. Assistant to an Aluf (like a general) and 3. Creating mulitmedia educational material on how bombs and guns and planes work. My options might change depending on how well I do in BT, but we will see. 

They gave us off for Shabbat which was a much needed break and I am now dreading going back but at least rejuvenated by all the sleep, good food, and phone time (we only get one hour a night to talk on the phone, shower and get ready for bed). Thank god I am doing the lowest BT and only have to do this for 2 1/2 weeks. I dont know how the combat boys do this for 6 months (and they have to run alot more).

Anyway, we are in for the next Shabbat (which I am a little worried about being the only religious girl in my group) so I will not be able to right again until I finish BT. The good news is by then I will know where I am going. Anyway, wish me luck with this next week and I will talk to you all again when I can. Those of you who can call Israel can feel free to call my cell phone and leave me lovely messages of love and support (011-972-54-695-2703)

I got soul AND Im a soldier

I just want to warn you all that this story is somewhat anti-climactic.

Bright and early Sunday morning my two friends and lovely brother took me to Ammunition Hill and dropped me off with a plethora of teenage recruits. It was typically loud and unorganized (very Israeli). I wasnt really sure what was going on, but I saw my name pop up on an electronic board like a flight number and went through the doors where everything seemed to be happening. My friends took pictures, a strange lady gave me a hug and a lollipop, and some soldier crossed my name off a list. Then I waited (this would happen alot). Eventually they ushered our group of loud obnoxious teenagers onto a bus and we headed to Tel HaShomer, the big army base near Tel Aviv. We got there about 45 min later and waited an hour to get off the bus. The busdriver finally got so annoyed with us he jumped off the bus and started attacking officers until somebody came and told us where to go. We then spent another half hour being told to stand here and then over there and then back over here and "What the hell is wrong with you people? Dont you know how to stand in a line?" (we didnt) until they decided it was lunch time. 

Lunch was actually pretty good and after about 5 minutes of talking, everyone at my table had figured out I was an olah (immigrant) and proceeded to grill me with fascination. Except for one girl, she just kind of stared at me for the rest of the day. 

Anyway, we finished up and then all the processing began. There were about 50 kids on my bus and at least another 5 buses had showed up while we were waiting to get off of ours, so there were alot of obnoxious teens about. (Just to clarify, Israeli teens are like 10x more obnoxious then Americans. I was kind of amazed with the backtalk going on) First we were herded into a room where someone yelled at us (no idea what he said), and then we were shuffled down some hallway and began the process of being sent into various rooms. My teeth were x-rayed and photographed, my hands were rather throughly fingerprinted, my picture was taken (and of course is horrible) and then I was sent to the vampires. First they asked us to "voluntarily" have our blood tested for bone marrow transplant compatibility because, good lord, who wouldnt want to save someones life?! its just one little prick! My next little vampire pricked my finger and had fun drawing on something that said DNA, and the next one gave me immunizations (no idea what kind) while I tried to translate "pincushion".

Then, with blood dripping down my arm because the army has no bandaids, I was sent to some sort of interview. I sat down with this woman, she opened my file, and then proceeded to yell at the guy that walked by- roughly translated- "WHAT THE HELL, DUDE?! THIS IS LIKE THE EIGHTH ONE! CANT THOSE IDIOTS DO ANYTHING RIGHT?!" Still have no idea what that was about but I signed some papers and moved on. 

Next I got my army ID and dogtags and was sent upstairs to talk to someone else. He typed away on his computer for a bit and then told me I was going to the Air Force. This, by the way, is a very good and exciting thing. Not only are our uniforms hotter and our bases better, but they just treat you better and give you cooler job options. So with a big smile on my face, I went back downstairs and somehow managed to skip most of the line of teens waiting to get outfitted. I got my duffel full of fun stuff like socks and undershirts and pepperspray, got my army shoes and sandals -no boots for Kfi :( and three uniforms. I then headed into the giant room of half naked girls and proceeded to make sure everything fit. I couldnt get the pants they gave me up past my knees so I spent the next 40 minutes trading in pants over and over again. And of course everytime I went back to get a bigger pair some tiny ass Israeli girl is standing next to me asking for a size smaller. 

I finally got outfitted and dressed and actually thought I looked pretty cool even though all the other girls were complaining that they looked fat. So we are all sitting outside waiting to be told what base we are going to when I get pulled aside and told I can go home. Apparently the Air Force training doesnt start until next Sunday. So I went home, appreciating the new uniform and the free buses that come with it. Anti-climactic, I told you.

I have to say I am actually glad to have this particular week off. Thank you all for your kind words and prayers, but my grandfather passed away soon after I sent that last email. Barak flew home on Tuesday, and I have spent most of the week on the phone with my family. It is hard not to be home at this time, but I am glad I was given this time to spend with the memory of my grandfather. And knowing that I am following in his footsteps- even if this Air Force is not American- comforts me.

For Zayde

I tried starting this email three or four times. I am starting the army tomorrow and I am pretty nervous and excited and kind of swinging back and forth between freaking out and calming down and seeing it as a grand adventure. But, honestly, that is not what is on my mind right now.

My grandfather is in the hospital, and my family is gathering around him while Barak and I wait by the phone. And I hate that I am not there with them. I hate that, though they are supportive and loving, my friends do not know him.

So what I want to do is tell you about my grandfather. I hope that is okay.

My Zayde is my grandmother's second husband and quite obviously the love of her life. She is his second wife as well and to hear him talk about her, it is hard to imagine he ever saw anyone else. Growing up, calling them was always a group event, as whichever one of them answered the phone, they would yell down to the other to join the conversation as soon as I told them it was me.

My Zayde is an artist. When they moved to New Hampshire, they converted an old slaughterhouse into their studio. Whenever he sent me a letter he would draw pictures of their house or the squirrel that had been feasting at their bird feeder. He once stopped me as I came out of the shower with a towel wrapped around my head. I had reminded him of a Vermeer painting, and he went on to draw me as the Girl with a Pearl Earring. For as far back as I can remember he was teaching me things about art. He taught me to see the purple in shadows and showed me how one line could change the angle of an elbow. He is a brilliant painter.

My Zayde is a World War Two veteran. Growing up in a Jewish day school everyone had stories about where their grandparents were during the Holocaust, how they had escaped the Nazis, when they had come to America. But I always thought my story was better. My grandfather had fought in the American army. He had been the gunner in a B-17 and was shot down over Germany. He was a prisoner of war and weighed 70 lbs when the Russian army finally liberated them. He puts on his uniform every memorial day and participates in the town parade. One year he went and spoke to the veterans in a local jail. He loved having a "captive audience".

My Zayde tells alot of jokes. They are not very good, but they make me laugh. When my Bubbe hears them, her eyes crinkle up and she laughs and says "Oh, Russ!"

My Zayde is a father, a step father, and a grandfather. I was blessed with three grandfathers when I was born, but Zayde is the one that has always been a part of my life. He is the one I have spent my Channukah/Christmases with. He is the one that tells me stories of when I was little, he is the one I danced with at weddings, he is the one I wanted to introduce to the man I marry.
I love you Zayde. ברוך דיין אמת

Home is where the Hut is

So this week was Sukkot, a week-long holiday that Jews spend sitting in Sukkahs, or huts that we build in our backyards, in remembrance of the huts we lived in while traveling through the desert after the Exodus from Egypt. In Israel this translates into- vacation.

I spent Shabbat in Efrat with my brother Barak, and we pretty much spent two whole days sitting in the Sukkah. The sukkah is supposed to be a temporary structure (you have to be able to see the stars through the "roof" of dead branches), yet you are supposed to treat it as your home, eating there, sleeping there, and sitting in it as much as possible. Well, the Auerbachs take this pretty seriously, and moved their whole living room into the sukkah. And I mean the whole living room, the couches, the lamp, the coffee table, and come Saturday night, the TV. On Sunday they moved the network cable into the Sukkah so that they could play Age of Empires on their laptops. I feel that I can safely say I spent more than the required amount of time in the Sukkah.

As for the vacation part, Im pretty sure I got my share of that as well. I spent Sunday lying on the couch (in the Sukkah) reading, went to a free concert on Monday and rocked out to Moshav Band, Shlomo Katz, and Adi Ran (who is an awesomely crazy old man), and then went on a bike hike on Tuesday. While my knees and butt are still recovering from upwards of 5 hours spent on a bike (which is probably more bike time that I have had in the last 5 years),   I got to bike through these old dirt paths away from all people, got to wander through a vineyard, pray in a field, and make friends with cows. And when we finally got back to the moshav (small farming village) where we rented the bikes, I got to meander through their neighborhoods in the quiet of the night (except for that one street where I got chased by dogs). 

I spent most of Wednesday recovering (aka sleeping) and Thursday socializing. There is nothing like happy three hours at my favorite pub IN A SUKKAH.

The only bummer of the week was that I found out that my friend Kieffer will not be going into the army the same day as me. They moved her enlistment date to a month from now, so come next Sunday I will be all alone with a bunch of Israeli teenagers. Oh yay. Anyway, the countdown has begun, and Im kind of nervous about it, which has translated itself into me not thinking about it. But next week is my last week of freedom and I plan on enjoying it to its fullest. 

Now Im off to prep for the next awesome holiday as I will be partying it up with the Torah tonight. Im gonna miss Chabad's dance across campus, but hopefully Jerusalem will have something just as good to offer :)

I am going to live on a hilltop with a shotgun and a giant dog

Ah, my first full week back in Israel and it was soooo good! I got to hang out with my brother, I got to see my closest friends, I got to go hiking, I got to waste hours lounging on my couch reading, and I got to eat sushi :) Oh, and it started with a holiday and is ending with one. I love holiday season!

So starting with the beginning, Shabbat with Barak was chill and nice and I beat him 3 of 5 times at Yaniv. We went out for sushi Saturday night, and oh, how I had missed the restaurants here! Sunday Barak went back to Yeshiva and I slowly realized that throwing together last minute Yom Kippur plans would not be as easy as I had thought. So I went to Efrat and my adopted family welcomed me with open arms and lots of food. Services on Yom Kippur were beautiful. The chazzan (cantor)

sounded like he was in an opera or a musical. And not in an annoying "I wish he would stop trying to show off his voice and let me pray" kind of way. He sang with such feeling that I truly felt like he was leading us, helping us reach inside ourselves for true repentance and send our prayers up to God. It was an uplifting Yom Kippur that left me looking forward to the coming year.

On Tuesday I had a meeting with the army to discuss my financial and familial situation and got to once again straighten out some small clerical errors like, "no, I did not become an Israeli citizen when I was five" and "no, I am not joining the army for two years". Still dont know what I will be doing though.

Wednesday Barak and I headed to Efrat to go hiking with Eli and Judy (from my adopted fam). We had planned on a short morning hike, starting at 10am. Well, we left at 1:30 for Tekoa, a settlement near Efrat, and got back at around 6pm. Our short hike wandered past some old caves from the time of the Chashmonaim (when the Jews were rebelling against the Romans) and we ended up crawling through caves for about 2 1/2 hours. When we had finished the hike we drove through the four neighborhoods in Tekoa, and I have to admit, I fell in love.

Tekoa is a settlement of religious and non-religious Jews that was started in the 70's. The town is small, isolated, and has one pizza store that is open once a week. They are one of the many settlements on the chopping block for disengagement (making it next to impossible to get a mortgage there) and most of the homes are converted caravans and shacks that make it difficult to tell where their house ends and their sukkah begins.

They sit on a hilltop with one of the most beautiful views I have ever seen.

I am going to live there.

Thursday, we spent the morning helping the Auerbach's build their sukkah and then went to a ceremony for their son Shlomo. He just finished his army training and is now officially a paratrooper! The ceremony was on Ammunition Hill in East Jerusalem and Barak and I ran around in the trenches pretending we were fighting Jordanians while someone important droned on in Hebrew. If you count the caves as battlefields (which they were in a way, all twisting and confusing so as to lose the Roman soldiers), that was two battlefields in two days making me an incredibly cool sister for my war-obsessed baby brother.

Sukkot starts tonight and all of Israel will be partying it up in the huts for a week. I have been watching little huts pop up all over Jerusalem- one of my neighbors has built one to perfectly fit in his parking spot, and more than half the restaurants I walk by now have little shacks perched on the sidewalks. Anyway, lots of good things to look forward to next week :)

East Coast Tour Review

Exciting points of my trip:

- Doing the crossword with my Bubbe. (Really, it was exciting!)

- Snuggling with Gypsy and RoPo

- Dancing in the rain with Skversk

- Aharon walking down the aisle at his sister's wedding to the theme song for Darth Vader

- Aunt Z cake at Shabbat dinner

- Catching the (potentially swine) flu from my lovely brother

- Going to the MFA in Boston and the NGA in DC (twice!)

- Having Izzy say my name, even if he doesnt remember the countless hours we spent together

- Visiting my elementary/middle/high school teachers who still love me

- All the cries of "What are you doing here?" when I walked into Hillel

- Explaining Israel to the fourth graders at my Aunt's NH elementary school

- Free tickets to "Taming of the Shrew" at the Shakespeare Theatre in DC

- Driving up and down the east coast

- Grabbing beers in Washington Circle with Shawn and Michael

- Super fancy meat dinner with the ladies

- Rosh Hashana with mi familia

Things in America I had really missed:

- My momma's cooking

- Target

- Nut House Pizza

- The UMD art department

- Maariv behind McKeldin Library

- Snuggling with Gypsy and RoPo

- DC

- Driving up and down the east coast

- How everyone has dogs

- My family

- My friends

- Introducing my friends to the craziness that is my family

Why I am glad to be back in Israel:

- Chummus

- Im home.

Shana Tova!

It has been so long and I hope you all pardon me for replacing my emails with my presence in America (I like to think I am equally entertaining in person). It has been such a wonderful trip and I am so happy I got to see so many of you and catch up on what is going on in your lives! (I have also found it much easier to avoid repeating the same stories as you all have already read them in my emails).
I am still in the States for a few more days, partying it up in the mary land but I wanted to send out a quick word before the Jewish New Year. I personally feel very much on the brink of something new and exciting, a whole new adventure that I am only slightly terrified of. I dont really know much about it or what will come in the next year, but I am ok with that. I know so many of you are going through what I have deemed the pre-life crisis and the coming year is full of uncertainties and worries. And those of you who didnt just graduate into the highest unemployment rate among college grads since 1982 are probably facing uncertainties and worries of your own.
I wish you all a new year where those uncertainties become more eye opening, if not more clear. Where those worries become less prevalent if not less present. Where nervousness becomes excitement and strangers become friends. May you embrace whatever changes life is throwing at you and find happiness in every aspect of your life. And of course may you stay safe and healthy and not contract swine flu.

When I am married and old I will wear ridiculously large hats

This week has been all about enjoying the small pleasures of being an adult with no job. There was alot of dancing around my apartment in my pajamas, alot of sleeping in and staying up late, and alot of cereal because I didnt feel like cooking. Twas wonderful.

I did get out of the house occasionally, and went to the arts and crafts festival outside the old city. They have booths from all over the world selling clothes and art and jewelry (I got to try on some craaazy hats- see attached pic), and performers set up throughout the fair. I got to watch some Korean dancers shake it to "Celebrate", and most importantly, I finally got to go to a fair where I could eat the food. Unfortunately no one in this country has ever heard of funnel cake :( but I had some excellent cotton candy AND I got my face painted :) Yehudit Ravitz was also playing, but I got there too late and couldnt get into the concert, so I had to dance outside with the few hundred other Israelis that didnt make it in.

Today was a day for Israeliness. I spent the morning at the Shuk marvelling at the hairy Israeli men trying to outshout each other and the Bubbe's pushing their carts through the crowd, while loading up on the amazingly fresh veggies. Then I prepared an Israeli salad for 25, cutting all of my vegetables into very tiny pieces (all 11 cucumbers and 9 tomatoes) and eliciting quite a few "my how Israeli of you" compliments during dinner. Why, you ask was I making salad for 25? Well tonight, four friends and I hosted a Sheva Brachot for David and Davida. (The week after a Jewish couple gets married there are seven meals hosted for them, at which, if you have ten men, seven blessings are said for the newlyweds.) Unfortunately, this was a Sheva Brachot for all of Davida's friends, and we ended up with only four men and were not going to be able to say the brachot (blessings). But, as the determined young souls we were, we did not give up. First we called the Rabbi and made sure that we couldnt do it with ten women, and then, we scoured the park where we were eating trying to wrangle up some Jewish men. After about twenty minutes and a slightly awkward interruption of a Tai Chi class, we had gathered the necessary men (we even got one extra!) and were able to say the Sheva Brachot. My favorite part was knowing that we could walk up to strange men in a park and tell them we were trying to make a minyan (a group of ten men), and not only did they know what we were talking about, but they eagerly came to participate.

Anyway, I am headed up north tomorrow to go camp on the beach so I am going to go to bed now. OH! I forgot to tell some of you. I am flying to America next week :) I will be landing in NY on the 20th, and heading to boston for the weekend. I will then be visiting the g'rents up in NH, coming back to NY for shabbat and from then on Im all MD!! Ill be in the DC metropolitan area for about three weeks and would love to see everyone! So email, fb, after the 30th I will have a cell phone. I should warn you, that I cannot plan anything too far in advance. So sorry if that makes me kind of flaky.

David/a's wedding

Was Beautiful!! Check out the pics!

Ding Dong the bells are gonna chime!!

I have found that I am astonishingly busy for a person that is does nothing.

This was the pre-wedding week, and I spent a good amount of time helping Davida out with the various things that she had to get done. I spent one day with Davida and her dad working on the house that she and David are moving into, we had a rather spectacular bachelorette party one night (and I spent the next day recovering from it), I designed a frame for her Ketuba, and spent most of today with her and two other friends. We went Mayan-hopping (a mayan is a natural pool of water), hung out on the Tayelet (park that overlooks most of Jerusalem), and then frantically called around trying to find a notary to sign off on their pre-nup tonight.

The wedding is tomorrow morning and I will be going straight to Efrat afterwards, which is why I am sending this email tonight.

So basically, this was a week for Davida and I have been trying to help in any way I can to alleviate some of the pre-wedding stress. I have never been this up close and personal with a bride (and groom) the week before their wedding, and I have learned that it is both scary and amazing. Everyone is stressed, but it comes out differently. Some people become short and temperamental and fight about small things. Others get quiet and keep it all in until they hit a breaking point. And everyone becomes very self-focused. I guess what amazes me is that through all the fights and stresses and breakdowns, they still want to get married!

I know I am at the age where my friends are going to start getting married, and I am supposed to be thinking about it as well. And while this is not the first wedding of my peers, it is the first where I am so close to the couple and had a chance to witness a relationship develop into a marriage. And I wanted to talk about all I have learned right now, but I am having trouble articulating my thoughts. Unclear whether that is because I am tired or just havent formulated any opinions yet. What I can say is that it amazes me to see two people so committed to being together, that are so happy that even when they are miserable or fighting they still see their future together clearly. I envy that certainty. I am not that sure about anything in life, or rather, any certainty I do feel is tempered by a heart-wrenching fear that I am wrong.

Anyway, that is my thought to ponder. I am going to sleep so that I can fully rejoice in the certainty and love of my two friends tomorrow morning.

Summer Pics!!

Here are some pics of my summer adventures:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2442923&id=5727708&l=b8fa207fdd

השיבינו ה' אליך

Yesterday was Tisha B'Av, the anniversary of the destruction of both the first and second Temples. It is a day where we mourn the destruction of Jerusalem and the Temples and the sins that brought it upon us. We physically mourn, by fasting and not showering, and sitting on the floor. We read Eicha (Lamentations) and are supposed to spend the day feeling sadness for what we have lost.

Wednesday night, I went to the Kotel (the Western Wall) to read Eicah with my roommate, Davida, and her brother, Nadav. Despite this being a sad day, the Kotel tends to be a bit of a social scene the night of Tisha B'Av. There are alot of people there, as it is the closest spot to where the Temple once stood that Jews can go. Some come to mourn, some come to pray, and some come because its what everyone else is doing that night. They extend the mechitzah, the divider between the mens section and the womens section, and the plaza is patrolled by what I like to call the "Mechitzah Police". These are religious individuals who take it upon themselves to ensure that nothing "inappropriate" is happening and that all genders are on their appropriate side. I have encountered them once before, on Yom Yerushalayim, where they were creating physical barriers (Red Rover style) to ensure that women were not dancing with men. To put it simply, they pissed me off then, and I felt no need to listen to a bunch of teenagers that were trying to tell me where to stand. Anyway, Davida, Nadav, and I sat down towards the back of the plaza so that we could read together. Before we could start, we were approached by a woman in a neon vest (Mechitzah Police) and told that we could not sit there together and if we wanted to sit together we would have to leave the plaza area. Pointing out the dozen or so men wandering about the area and clarifying that Nadav was Davidas brother did not seem to help, and as she refused to move until we did, we eventually got up to look for a new spot. I was, shall we say, angry. Which, in turn, upset me because it was Tisha B'Av and I didnt want to be angry at another Jew. Our Sages say that the first Temple was destroyed because of three things: sexual immorality, murder, and idolatry. That lead to 70 years in exile. The second Temple was destroyed for one reason, sinat chinam, baseless hatred. And we are still in exile for that today.

It pained me to fight with another Jew on this night, and as we read Eicha, I struggled with my reactions to this encounter. She upset me because I felt that she did not respect us and the way we connect to Hashem. It upset me that she felt the need to push her religious standard on me. But if I argue with her, if I refuse her request to move, how am I respecting her connection? She is doing what she believes is right, trying to protect the holiness of this evening and this place. I did not want to be angry with her.

We had settled down next to one of the mechitza walls (on the mens side) and after reading Eicha, I went over to the womens section to pray, leaving Nadav and Davida sitting there. When I came back, there was a Mechitza Policeman arguing with Nadav and a woman sitting near them, while Davida was crying. Apparantly Davida had been lying down with Nadav sitting next to her and this man told her to leave because she was being immodest. Now there are hundreds of people walking around, sitting on the ground, and lying on the ground all around us, but, he said, that because Davida was a woman it was not modest for her to be lying on the ground. Davida sat up and said that she wasnt moving, and that she understood that he said what he needed to according to his principles and that she was going to stay there because of her principles. He didnt really like this answer and then turned to Nadav to try to get her to move. I am not sure what happened after that, but when I walked over Davida was crying, Nadav was sitting with her, and a random woman was arguing on Davida's behalf. This was one of those moments where I wished I was more eloquent in Hebrew, but I basically said, "It is Tisha Bav and you are making another Jew cry." to which he replied "It is good to cry on Tisha Bav" and walked away. He later returned to give us flyers about baseless hatred.

We read about all the horrible things that Bnei Yisrael did to Hashem that brought about the first destruction. Our nation is compared to a whore and as I read about the sins we committed and how we turned our backs on God, I understand our punishment. The sins that brought about the second destruction are not as present in our biblical texts, but it is when things like this happen that I see why we are still in galut, in exile.

These past few months at PresenTense we spent alot of time discussing modern day Zionism and how there is still so much that needs to be done. Jews are supposed to be a light unto the nations, and in the modern world, Israel is not. We are not. We are so divided, and so busy fighting with each other, how could we be a light unto others? It was inspiring to see so many individuals coming together and trying to change the face of the Jewish world. These are people that see problems in where we stand as Jews or as Israelis and are working to fix them. That man was right, it is good to cry on Tisha B'Av, because those tears helped me realize what we are mourning. We live in a world where too many people do not respect each other, let alone love each other. Rav Kook teaches that "Ha'ahava tzricha lehiot male balev lakol"- literally, "The love needs to be filling your heart towards everything/one". Baseless hatred can only be fought with baseless love. But how can we learn to love each other when we cannot even respect each other?

Sending my love, and hoping it spreads,

Kfi

Last night I met someone whose last name is Keefer. We immediatly became friends.

Ahhh!

That is my description of the week. It accounts for lovely surprises and overwhelming work and relief and celebrations.

So starting with the first one, this Sunday was my birthday (thanks parents!) and I had to work most of the day. Which was actually more than ok, because the people I work with are awesome. My boss had all the interns sing to me and we ate lots of ice cream and then later the fellows brought in cake and ice cream and sang to me again. The co founder of PresenTense literally skipped down the street singing Happy Birthday when he saw me, and everyone was altogether really nice. Also, my other half/bestest friend sent her gigantically tall brother to presentense bearing cake and flowers embarassing me in that wonderfully birthdayish way(and eliciting an Ahhh!). And I really appreciated all the emails and facebook messages and phone calls throughout the week. I was feeling very loved.

Next Ahhh! was the craziness that was PresenTense this week. This was the last week of the six week institute, culminating in our huge launch night even on Thursday. And, as I have been labeled the second in command of the institute (like spock), I was running around like a crazy person making sure everything was running all week, all the fellows werent freaking out, all the interns were doing what they were supposed to be (I was also put in charge of all the interns when the intern coordinator left last week) and helping plan everything for the final event. Which elicits the third Ahhh! of having it all go well and be amazing. So what happens at Launch Night is that each of the fellows that have been working on 14 different projects all summer have 15 seconds to pitch their projects to a crowd of investors and donators and people who are important to network with and then 45 minutes to talk to people that approach their tables. And it was awesome. I met so many people and was chatting it up all night and everyone was amazing and I had soo much fun. You can look on their website and see the videos of the pitches and of the crowd. Its super cool. www.presentense.org

We all went out and celebrated afterwards, which kept me out until 4 am or so, but was so much fun. We are having out last Shabbaton this weekend and then the Institute is over :( I am excited to have a life back again since I have been working my tush off, but I am going to miss hanging out with these people all the time since they are simply amazing. But all good things must come to an end, and it is about time I got back to figuring out what I am going to be doing for the next year. So next week is devoted to army research and calling lots of people to try and get some information. Which PresenTense has given me alot of experience in so hopefully it will work.

On a non-Ahhh! note, this past Shabbat, Jimmy the sixteen year old non jewish son of Kathie from the art department stayed with me and got a crash course in orthodox Judaism. We had so much fun. Not only is he hilarious, but he was having the time of his life learning about the weird things we do on Shabbat and while we cook and it was really nice to have a fresh face about. I actually took him to work on Sunday morning before we went to wander around the arab shuk for a bit, and everyone there loved him as well.

So its been a really eventful and exciting week and now I am soo excited for Shabbat (and the fact that I dont have to cook anything). So I am going to go shower and relax and sleep :)

"Blast" and other comic book expletives

This morning someone woke me up with a question about scrap metal. I kind of like how I am the go-to person for questions like this.

So this week we went on a field trip with PresenTense up to the Haifa area. We went to the Google center (who, by the way, are going to take over the world and I am totally cool with it), where they gave us a presentation on YouTube and lots of free food. (They had an entire fridge full or Ben and Jerry's- which is even more exciting in Israel). If any of you ever have the opportunity to work for Google- do it.

We also went to Kfar Tikva which is a village for adults with special needs. They have created an entire community there to support adults with special needs but still give them the freedoms that we all deserve when we grow up. It was the first of its kind when it started like 30 years ago, and it is still a unique program today.

And then we went to the Tishbi Winery and got lots of free drinks. Luckily we were headed straight home after that so I didnt have to worry so much about maintaining balance. Or so I thought. On the way home one of the other interns, who is also a certified tour guide, wanted to give an explanation of the area but had no map. So she asked me to stand in. So I got to stand in front of the bus with my hand on my head and one leg crooked and try to maintain balance. It didnt work so well. There were also some awkward moments when we were talking about the mountainous north.

Other than that, my week was really good. I am having a blast hanging out with the fellows. My favorite is a librarian from NY who has an absolutely ridiculous laugh and yells "blast" whenever something goes wrong. Then there is the Israeli boy who still flirts like a 12 year old, and by that I mean we abuse each other at every opportunity and try to trip each other. Then there is the 29 year old working on a follow up program for palestinian-israeli programs who is obsessed with ultimate frisbee and acts like shes 19. Is it weird that all the ones I am making friends with dont act anything close to their age?

The interns are also pretty rockin, both metaphorically and literally. I spent 2-3 hours last night hanging out with some of them while they jammed. I sometimes wish I was musical, but then I dont know if I would appreciate other peoples talent as much.

That was about it for the excitement of the week. Yesterday was a fast day because it is the anniversary of the beginning of the siege of Jerusalem. For the next three weeks Jerusalem fought, inside and out, until the Temple was destroyed. It feels much more real, living in Jerusalem now.

Anyway, my shabbat plans just came together incredibly last minute and I am headed down south to Yerucham to see my friend from high school. So I gotta book it and get my stuff otgether so I dont miss the last bus.

Six Month Marker/ Smile like you mean it

So the past two weeks havent been so exciting, in that I didnt do strange and different things, but have been really busy with the same good things. I have been working my tush off at PresenTense, after falling into a bit of a "why am I here?" slump. They gave me an additional project to work on that involves writing for the magazine and conducting interviews and fun stuff, so that has been exciting. And my boss is putting more things into my hands and giving me some random but exciting responsibilities like preparing news briefs and working with some new computer programs. All in all, the people there are great and its a really good work environment, but I think the main thing I have learned so far is that I am not interested in business. Ah well.

I have also been busy outside of work because so many of my friends are visiting from the states . I realize that its a little sad that I had to wait for people to come from the states to give my social life the kick in the ass it needed, but I think I have rationalized myself out of feeling bad about it. Hanging out with them all again put me back in a situation where I felt comfortable and I realized how quiet and shy and unlike myself I had become as a result of losing all those people I felt safe with. And I realized, I dont really like that shy quiet Kfi, so were sending her back to the depths from which she came and Im going to start feeling like myself again. It is working, as I have been hanging out with quite a few new people as well, and feel like Im making some real friends. Im actually going out with a bunch of them tonight to celebrate my upcoming Hebrew birthday by chilling out in the woods and bonfireing/ bbqing.

This past week also marked my 6 monthiversary and I tried to be all retrospective about it but I really only came up with two things.

1. That was a really long six months.

2. I am happy.

So that is it for now. I have some more thoughts I have been throwing around for the past few weeks that I will probably share at some point, but now I am going to go out and enjoy the night air and the hills outside Yerushalayim.

Peter, Paul and Mary wrote this week's theme song

Sorry Im a little late today (for those of you who were up at like 8 am pacing in front of your computer and waiting for this post), I was busy climbing rooftops and wandering through graveyards.

Anyway, this was a really full week. There were lots of visitors which led to lots of hanging out, hugging, and getting really excited. And a good amount of beer. But it was also the first week of the PresenTense Institute, meaning I got to meet all the fellows and find out all the things I had done wrong. I spent most of the week at work doing everything from fixing closets ( I am now the resident handyman) to setting up for speakers and I got alot of free food. (Actually, I think I only fed myself once this whole week). The fellows who have come into this program are incredibly cool people ranging from Brazilian reporters who live in Bejing to midwestern librarians who want to revolutionize Jewish education. So the up side of work this week was getting to meet all these people, getting to use my tools, and getting to eat out alot. The downside was, being the first week of a program, we realized all that we had done wrong, and all the things that had been lost in translation. They still like me and all, but there were some things that I messed up and some responsibilities that turned out to be too much for me, so that was tough to find out.

So I was feeling kind of bummed out at the end of the week, not to mention burned out from working my tush off, but then I got to go out with all my Maryland visitors and that just made it all better.

Oh, I also had the most amazing moment this week. In fact, none of this other stuff really matters. This was like the highlight of my month and everything else pales in comparison.

So, you know how people sometimes ask you for really random things like a rubber chicken or a television, and your like "Oh yeah, Ive got that right here in my back pocket" because who the hell carries things like that around with them? Well, my secret dream was to be able to say that and actually pull a rubber chicken out of my back pocket. So I used to carry really random things around in my purse like bubbles and clown noses. But my purse started to get heavy and no one was ever asking for anything I had (though I did get to give a little boy a toy once) so I stopped doing it. BUT this week, as I was getting ready to leave work, my boss turned to me and asked if I had a hammer. And I was like "WELL YES I DO, RIGHT HERE IN MY PURSE" and then I pulled a hammer out of my purse and he stared at me like I was Mary Poppins. GREATEST. MOMENT. EVER.

I have nothing else to say.

I am interested in seeing what type of responses this elicits

Wow, this was a really long week! And in the aims of making sure this post is not equally long, I think we are going to go back to the days of lists :)

Random events of the weeks and their corresponding smilies:

 My new bosses love me. They have promoted me to Institute intern, which still doesnt pay, but they assure me that all the other interns will be jealous.

 It is friggin hot here. I am constantly battling dehydration and its ensuing headaches.

 This week was full of lots of long conversations about feelings and political opinions and potential future plans. 

 My last boss from that stupid restaurant in Rehavia is an idiot. I went by to pick up my check and ended up leaving him a note because neither he nor my check were there. He has called me three times since then. Once, to tell me I have to come and fill out some form it didnt occur to him to have me fill out when I was actually working there or in the two weeks since I left. Then to tell me he had lost my hours and see if I still had them. And then the third time to tell me I had to come and fill out this form NOW because he had to fax it in in an hour. This appears to be a headache that will be staying with me for awhile yet. 

 Everyone is coming to Israel for the summer!!

 My health insurance is once again billing me when they shouldnt. When I tried to call and clarify, I put in my ID # and the machine told me they couldnt talk to me now and hung up. 

 I had to pee in a cup. In a very Israeli fashion, they did not give me a lid. And the bathroom was two floors up. 

 I had two job interviews this week. One was for a waitressing job that I dont really want, but also dont think Ill get because they wanted people with more experience. And the other one was for my exciting news.

- I am a little emotionally confused about this.

This week I went in for my Tzav Rishon. This is the first round of tests that you have to go through before joining the Israeli Army. It includes an interview, a medical exam, an intelligence test, and then a test that helps them determine what type of job you would be suitable for. In a few weeks they should send me a list of jobs they think I am suitable for and from there I can apply to whichever ones I want. I am technically on track to join the army now, but because I am volunteering, I can still change my mind without any consequences. 

I am not yet sure if this is what I want to do and alot depends on what type of job I could get. That being said, I think it is something that I will be really happy to have done. I know it will be hard for me, especially the whole independence thing, but I look forward to the challenge and how I will grow as a result. 

I am a little nervous about telling everyone, in case I end up not doing it for some reason, but this is the big thing going on in my life right now, and I guess I want to share that.

Also, just to clarify: I will not be a combat soldier. It is very hard for a woman to get a combat position, and I am too old (remember this is an army of 18 yr olds) and dont have the physical profile. I will also probably be volunteering for a year, two at most. And I have no idea what I will be doing yet. I also do not know when I will go in, though I would guess about 5-8 months. 

Anyway, that is my exciting news. Im sorry if that is not as exciting as a secret engagement or letting you all know that I am actually an alien or something. 

Shabbat Shalom, Happy weekend, and I hope to get lots of responses from this post. Otherwise I will have to start doing something even more drastic then moving across the world and joining the Israeli army.