Shabbat Christmas

Two weeks in America and it still just feels like vacation. It is cold here. And Christmasy. It's funny, I was never anti-Christmas and I still love the lights and going to my Bubbie's for the holiday, but now it feels like from the moment I landed the whole country was shoving its Christmas cheer down my throat. Within two minutes of landing, before the seat belt sign even turned off, there were carols playing on the plane. Everything has Santa on it or fir trees or wreaths. And while there are some nice sales as a result, holy lord its a little overwhelming. But now the holiday is over, and I have to say, I actually enjoyed the day, if not all the hype that led up to it.

My brothers and I drove up to NY last Wednesday, and while the hour long debate they had about Roman warfare while speaking in exaggerated (and bad) Southern accents was annoying to say the least, I have missed them and it was nice to spend time with my little brothers. Barak and I stayed at Shosh and Ez's for a few days while Rafi galavanted around NYC with his friends. I was content to stay in Riverdale and hang out with my nephew and watch Bones (which is my rebound show after two years of watching nothing but Glee). I got to have lunch with one friend, and while it was really nice to catch up I have finally realized that in the past two years my friends have all moved to new places and made new social circles and while they will always be my friends we are now the "grab a coffee and catch up when you are in town" friends and no longer the "Hey, what are you up to tonight?" friends that we used to be. But steering clear of the unknown depths of what my social life is going to look like for the next five months, on Friday Shosh, Ez, and Alon, and Rafi, Barak, and I all headed up to New Hampshire for Shabbat Christmas with Bubbie. We had family dinner on Friday night, which my aunt and uncle had to leave early in order to make it to church, but that was fine. The boys all bickered and Bubbie had fun listening and everyone doted on Alon. It was nice family time. Christmas/Shabbat morning we all got up early and I had enough time to daven before we all had to congregate around the tree to open presents. We were all given our Chrismakkah gifts and lounged around the tree in an overflow of wrapping paper and empty boxes.

We had cholent- our cousins favorite food- for lunch and lounged about reading and napping in typical Shabbat style. We said havdallah an hour before Christmas dinner and whipped up some spaghetti to eat as the main course was a very not kosher deep-fried turkey. Uncle Steve and his moustache were a huge source of entertainment for Alon, and thus for the rest of the family, and all in all it was really nice quality family time. I do understand why this is such a popular holiday. I just think the commercialism is a bit of an overload.

Anyway family time was cut short when my father called with a blizzard warning and we ended up packing up and heading out that night in an attempt to beat the storm home. I am now in NY watching the snow blowing around and looking forward to a few cozy days with my sister's family. Hopefully I will be able to make it to Boston for New Years with my favorite person and after that, well classes, and real life, begins.

All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go

My apartment looks so empty. my room so lonely. Most of the week our apartment looked like it had been raped with trash everywhere, suitcases in piles exploding all over the place and a ridiculous amount of STUFF scattered all over every surface. But now it is Friday, and we are all cleaned up. Still, the walls are bare (as all the art on them belonged to me) me room looks naked and a surprisingly large amount of boxes sit in the corner waiting to be moved to Efrat. Nechama moved out on Sunday and the new roommate, Ilana, moved in on Tuesday. My replacement is coming on Sunday and it very much feels like the end of an era. For two years, this apartment was my home and the people that gathered here became my family.
I am excited to come back to the States, in fact I am more than ready to move on to the next step, thrilled that I am going to get to spend so much time with my family and friends. And kind of hoping for some snow (knowing my luck, there will be none, despite the Snowmageddon of last year). I feel ready for this move, and for that I am glad. I know that I will be coming back soon and five months will fly by, but again, it is this feeling of moving on to something else, of taking the next step that is making me pause, sitting on my couch that will soon no longer be mine, saying goodbye to an apartment that already feels like a memory.
And now I am getting overly poetic which I really shouldn't do, as two years in Israel has severely impaired my vocabulary. So I am going to head out, enjoy my last Shabbat in Israel (for awhile), and I will see you all soon!!

Home for the Holidays

I know it has been awhile, and for that I apologize. It was a combination of lack of time and lack of anything exciting to say. And partially an aversion to having to relive my week and take out the valuable parts.

I find that my mood is fluctuating alot and I am having trouble thinking about why. There are alot of emotions tied to my almost imminent departure, both good and bad. There are days when I cannot believe I am leaving for so long, and others when I cannot wait to get out of here. I am ready for the change that these few months will bring, but I do worry about having to come back and start from scratch in Haifa.

Esti and I

Last night my roommates fiancee, Avi invited us over to sing with him while he lit candles so he wasn't alone. It was only about 20 minutes, and only a few of us, but it was the kind of request that one asks of their "Oleh" family, and it made me smile to be with mine. Tonight was "Family Channukah". It started with a brief visit to the Auerbach Family dinner, to which the invitation alone reminded me how much a part of the family they consider me. I then had to rush home for my "family" as my roommates and a few close friends were planning on lighting together, eating some latkas and exchanging gifts. It was so nice to line up and light with my friends and then sit around youtubing Channukah songs, eating a ridiculous amount of fried food (this is totally a southern holiday) and swapping silly gifts. It really felt like home and made me realize how much of a home this apartment has become. Not just in terms of how comfortable I feel here, but how many of our friends find refuge in our apartment and come to us when life is kicking their ass. More of my friends came over around 8, thankfully bringing some salad to cleanse our palettes before the next round of latkas (these ones were zucchini!) and providing this wonderful comfortable atmosphere of friendship and food. 

I have missed my family on every one of the holidays (especially Thanksgiving), but it was so nice to see all my different families come together with me for this one. It comforts me to know that these people are more than friends or neighbors. They are the you of Israel. These are the people that will miss me when I am gone and welcome me back when I return. Coming back to America is never had because I know my family waits for me and misses me and cares for me. And today was the very necessary reminder that I have managed to build that here as well. 

I wish you all a wonderful Channukah full of light and love and latkas.

Our Chanukayot

Gaf Ohad was in My House!

There were many things that I accomplished this week. Like an expedition to my bank that included lying bus drivers, and driving the wrong way down a one-way street. Like discovering the most disgusting smell in existence because I clean up after lazy rich people. Like seeing Shakespeare at the Jerusalem Theater (Macbeth is totally messed up). BUT the best part of the whole week was my Mesibat Shicrur (Release Party) last night. 

Elodie and I

My friend Elodie and I made aliyah at the same time, went to ulpan together, both decided to volunteer for the army, went through basic training together, and both ended up in the Air Force. So, of course, it was only natural that we throw this socially required party together. We invited our group of lone soldier friends and all my friends from the neighborhood, but it was clearly going to be a very American party. That is until half the guys from my office showed up, including my two commanders! I had invited them, but since they all like almost an hour away and knew this was going to be a very english-speaking party, I did not actually expect anyone to come. 

But come they did, bearing beer and presents (they gave me a big collage of army pictures, and then one of me and Alon, because they know how much I obsess over him). And then, like the wonderful people that they are, they came in and became the life of the party. They heckled Mia all through the embarrassingly sweet speech she gave about me, became best friends with David (Davida's husband) the only other Hebrew speaker there, and had a blast talking to all the different lone soldiers. They are all ridiculous people, and sitting with them in my home as they laughed and joked and did all their usual shtuyot (um, jokes? ridiculousness? I dont know how to translate this word), well they just made the party for me. It meant so much to me that they came.

Gaf Ohad

I am still smiling about it. I know I have said it time and again, but these people really made everything I went through in the past year worth it. I wish y'all could meet these amazing people, and that they could meet you! Guess pictures will have to do though...

The Joys of Being a Civilian

Sorry I am sending this one a little late. I was working on Friday and did not have time.

Did she say working? I thought she was on vacation and enjoying doing nothing!

As it turns out. Doing nothing can get really boring. And it causes your butt to fall asleep. So this past week I found all sorts of wonderful things to DO that I could not/ did not do when I was a soldier. These included:

1. Sleeping In. It only took about two days to untrain my body from getting up at 6:30 am and I can now happily sleep until 11. The only bad side effects are some very weird morning dreams and an occasionally missed morning prayer.
2. Going to see Art. Jojo and I went on a wonderful hike through the concrete jungle of Jerusalem and ended up at the new and improved Israel Museum, where, after a mostly boring "archeological" tour, we got to look at art and have a long heated debate about what that means. It was lovely :)
3. Learn Torah. Not only did I get to have my weekly learning session with my friend Ophra, but we also went to a shiur (lecture) on Abraham and why God chose to speak to him. 
4. Make Money. I have started working as a cleaning lady, and with the three jobs I had this past week, made more money than I made in a month as a soldier. Cleaning is tiring, but I like it well enough and it makes way more money than babysitting. Still a pittance compared to what I would make in America, but it is good enough for me.
5. Enjoy Strange Israeli Cultural Events. Like the Jerusalem Renaissance Festival. As a big fan of the Maryland Renfest, I had high expectations, but aside from the coolness of getting to go through the Christian quarter of the old city, it was mostly a bunch of Israelis dressed up and acting like crazy people. There was a fire-thrower and some contortionists as well as a man with a pretty cool music box. But it is kind of weird to hear knights fake fighting while insulting each other in Hebrew. AND there were NO turkey legs or funnel cakes! What is the point of a Renfest in Israel if they dont have those foods I have been drooling over for years?

Otherwise, it was a pretty chill week. Boris called to tell me he missed me. I got to hang out with alot of different friends, and I am actually enjoying cooking for myself and eating good healthy food! (well maybe not always healthy, but I try sometimes).

One last army story-השחרור

When I came back to Israel after my visit in America, I was met with a stack of paperwork that the army wanted me to sign. Apparently they had written down the date I left America as the date I arrived in Israel and thus had miscalculated my vacation days. I was one day short. So, the army made me sign up for an extra day of service to make up for. Annoying, but okay.

This meant that instead of Sunday, October 17th, I was going to be released on Monday, October 18th. No biggie, right?

Your last day in the army you come in in civilian clothes, bring all the stuff the army has given you, and go through a "check-out" process at all the various offices on base (clinic, field office, education, etc.). Most people host a "shtiya" and bring in some cakes and drinks and have a little goodbye party. I was all set to do these things on Monday.

Well I showed up on Sunday to base, ready to enjoy my last real day in the office, as a soldier, in uniform. Around noon, I was sitting in the canteen enjoying lunch with my friends (compliments of Boris, who was very distraught with the fact that this was my last lunch at the canteen). When we get a call from the Misrad Harishum (sort of like the front office of the base) asking where I was and how come I had not started my clearance ("check-out"). We all kind of laughed, and said "What are you talking about? She gets out tomorrow!". After a lengthy discussion in which they told me that I would be considered a deserter if I did not finish my clearance TODAY, we went to find my commander. 

There was many a phone call, many a "What do you mean she gets out TODAY?", and quite a few moments of laughter and comments on how, of course, this would happen to me, it was discovered that the Misrad Tash, who had made me sign up for an extra day of service, had then forgotten to file the paperwork and it was never processed. So now, I am on base, in uniform with none of my stuff and being told I have to leave the army TODAY or I will be considered a deserter.

There was a brief plan in which we were going to drive back to Jerusalem (a 40 min car ride, 2 hour bus ride) to get my stuff, but by the time 3 o'clock rolled around, we still had no car and there was no way that we would make it back in time. So in one of those amazing feats that my commander can accomplish, they let me sign that I had given back all of my stuff without giving back anything. Boris, the sweetheart, and I then frantically ran around the base getting all the signatures needed for my clearance and by 5 o'clock I was officially no longer a soldier. Though I still left in uniform.

Boris, Roi, and Almog

And then I had to come back the next day, just to give back all my stuff. Although, it did mean I got to sit around in civilian clothes and watch Shachaf work for a change. 

What an incredibly appropriate ending to my army service.

Lihi and I

Home, Alon

Lordy, it has been so long! And so much happened! (Wait, did it? Shoot, how far back do I have to think now?). Okay, we are going to do this in two parts. I will even color code.

I choose this color for America because America is green. It is also big, thus the easy-to-read font size.

America was awesome. Pretty much all of my pictures are of Alon, and I think I could have spent a whole month with just him (and a month's supply of mommy-milk) and been happy. It was a wonderfully family-filled trip, and while I did not get to see all of you (and am kind of bummed out about that) I have to say, it was a much needed vacation with much-missed people. I got to spend a good amount of time with my sister and brother in law (Hey Ez, did I tell you that in Hebrew you are my Geese. Yup, not only is it shorter than the English but it makes you a bird) and got to watch them becoming parents. And I got to spend time with my brothers and participate in their college experience (okay, so its not so different from mine, but still) and I got to spend quality time with both of my parents. I got to do all the family things like fighting and crying and laughing and teasing and shooting and cooking. And I got to finish the painting project I started last year that no one bothered to finish!

So all in all, I had a really good time. Such a good time, in fact, that when the time came to leave I didnt want to. Which kind of worried me. Enough that I stayed awake my whole flight watching movies so I didnt have to think about anything. Also because there were alot of good movies. 

I choose this color for Israel because it is kind of the color that everything is right now. And I have bolded it because people here yell alot. 

Anyway, once I landed in Israel and had a nice fight with the driver that took me home, I started to feel happy to be back. Driving into Jerusalem will always make me happy, even if I have only been away for a few hours. A few of my friends came over to greet me, all the guys from my office called me to welcome me back and I was surrounded by much love and sushi. I had a few days off to unpack and recover from jet lag, and then I went to Kibbutz Ein Tzurim for a very good Yom Kippur. Yes, we prayed for 7 hours, had a 45 min break and then went back for the last 3 hours, but there was so much good energy there. We sang our prayers and everyone was so present! It was more joyful and mournful and I think that is actually okay for the Day of Judgement. Because after all, we are not perfect and we hopefully all just spent ten days thinking about what we did wrong and how we want to be better. And this day, this is the day to tell Hashem how much we love Him and pray for mercy. It was a very loving environment and I had a really meaningful Yom Kippur as a result.

On Sunday I headed back to base for the first time. I was met with big hugs and exclamations of how much they had missed me and then the inevitable annoying paperwork because the army or I confused something along the way. Long story short, I had to sign on to serve one extra day because someone wrote down the dates of my trip wrong.. I then went home to deal with the University where I am trying to take some classes next semester and was met with more incompetence and misunderstandings. I experienced that again when I went to try to get my phone fixed and got home with an overwhelming desire for my mother. 

And this is Israel. This juxtaposition of moments that are so frustrating and hair-wrenching that they make you say "What the hell am I doing here?!?" and moments that are so liberating and exhilarating that you think "Wow, I am so lucky to be a part of this." I got a ride the other day from a woman who made aliyah fourteen years ago and was still overjoyed with the fact that she lives in ISRAEL. I listened to her go on about how lucky and happy she is to be here and I hoped that twelve years from now I will still be that excited. Because it is HARD. It is so freaking hard sometimes when you just cant say what you want to say or do what you need to do because you dont know how or it doesn't exist, or if it does you don't know how to find it! So I don't know why I am still happy to be back. Why, like every Israeli I know, there comes a point after all that frustration and yelling that I can take a deep breath and say "It will all work out" and believe it. 

I think you do have to be crazy to live here. I certainly feel like I am sometimes.

I'M AN AUNT!!!!!

Who cares what else happened this week? MY SISTER HAD A BABY!!!!!

This Wednesday, August 4th (Barack Obama's birthday), my amazing and wonderful sister, Shoshana, gave birth to my brawny (8.4 lbs!) and beautiful new nephew. And she did it without any drugs. (Setting a really high bar for me, but I think I have some time before I have to worry about that one.)
She is understandably exhausted but headed home from the hospital today with the little one. My fantastic brother-in-law, Ez has been fielding all my questions and endless phonecalls and taking amazing care of my sister. My mom is headed up to NY to join them on Sunday and then everyone but me will be there for the Brit Milah (circumcision) and naming on Wednesday. Oh, lordy, I cant wait to meet him!!!

I got home from base on Wednesday and found an email saying that Shosh had gone into labor. My roommate laughed at me as I ran around the apartment screaming for like five minutes and then sat down and start to worry about them. That wasnt so good for me, but thankfully I had plans to go to the wine festival with my friend Elodie. So we headed over to the Israel Museum, bought a 60 shek wine glass, and then proceeded to be really classy and taste all sorts of fancy Israeli wine. Every 30 minutes or so we would try to check my email on Elodie's phone, but not much was happening and I was getting more and more nervous and excited. (A side point about the nervousness: I understand that childbirth these days is pretty safe, and my sister definitely has the hips for it, but there is still so much that can go wrong! And its painful! And I worry. So thus, the nervousness). Anyway, towards the end of the festival I had tried about 8 different Shiraz's (mmm I love that wine) and an excellent Gerwsomethingorother, and, shall we say, a few other wines, and had just run into some friends who were generously sharing their cheese-sampler plate with me when Elodie checked her phone and yelled "Kfi, theres a mail from your mom!". I, in a totally mannerly in polite way, grabbed the phone from her, opened the mail and proceeded to scream like a 13 year old girl. And jump up and down. Alot. Anyway, as soon as my screams became coherent "OH MY GOD IM AN AUNT MY SISTER HAD A BABY BOY!!!!!", my friends started to jump up and down with me, we all refilled our wineglasses and made everyone in the area l'chaim with us to my new nephew :)
At this point I wanted to get home and call my family, so we headed out, stopping at a few booths for some more l'chaims on the way, and then I practically skipped through the park, calling everyone in Israel and forcing them to l'chaim to my new nephew with me. I would like to put in the disclaimer that those calls WERE NOT drunk dials. I was drunk on happiness, I tell you, HAPPINESS!

Anyway, I am not positively ITCHING to get home, I cannot wait to:
1) meet my new nephew,
2) see my sister and tell her in person how amazing it is that she made a little person,
3) Call my parents "Grampa" and "Bubbe"
4) watch my brother-in-law imitate his offspring's "poop-faces"
5) oh just look at him and hold him and touch his tiny little baby hands and feet and fall absolutely and totally in love with him.

I CANT WAIT TO COME HOME!!!!!

Countdown to Vacation

So I realized I have been kind of lame lately and not really putting so much effort into these posts. I mean, I forgot to mention my birthday! Really? Thats just sad. Anyway, I apologize for that and have taken special time today to try to make this email more exciting and interesting than the past few weeks.

 

We'll start with this past Shabbat, which was a flurry of social activity. Rafi was with me for Shabbat and I hosted another 14 people for dinner. It was loud and hot, but the food was great and the company greater. This theme continued Shabbat day when we went to my friend Jay's and had a giant delicious lunch and hung out there most of the rest of the day.

 

Sunday night was Tu B'Av, the Jewish festival in which young single ladies used to dress up in white dresses and go dancing in the hills so that young single Jewish men could grab them and take them home to be their wives (kinda weird story, but have you ever actually read about St. Valentine?). Today it is treated like the Israeli Valentine's Day. So, in very modern fashion, I went out dancing with my single lady friends (no white dresses- I mean really? Who owns a white dress?). Stayed up way too late and was totally pooped the next day, but it was worth it. Or at least it was until Shachaf started arguing politics with me and I was ganged up on my all the crazy-ass leftists in my office. So I spent most of Monday hiding in the computer room so I wouldnt have to go over ONCE AGAIN, why the disengagement from Gaza clearly didnt work.

 

Anyway, Tuesday I got the super exciting job of updating the airplane manuals (read: going thrugh 20+ binders and replacing random pages), which of course I got to do with Shachaf. This man is apparently not used to going to school, because I managed to do 18 binders in the time it took him to do 4. This may be explained by the fact that he was way to busy complaining about the army and saying things that made me want to strangle him.

 

So, needless to say, by Wednesday I needed a vacation, and since Rafi is leaving on Sunday I took the day off to hang out with him. We were planning on hiking from Jerusalem to the neighboring city of Mevasseret Zion (where our family lived when we were little), but ended up not quite making it. This was due to the fact that we started our hike in Lifta, an arab village in the valley next to Jeruslaem that was abandoned in 1948. Today it is sort of a national park, but they havent renovated or restored anything, and the place is kind of a dump. There is a maayan/pool there where lots of people go to swim, but the part that interested me and Rafi was the old houses. There are dozens of old crumbling Arab houses that were clearly beautiful back in the day. Now they are falling apart and have trees growing in the middle (and in some cases homeless people living there), but Rafi and I spent a great 2-3 hours wandering about and exploring the houses. We couldnt stay too long as I had a wedding that night, but it was enough to get a sunburn and some great pictures (which I will have to attach in the next email).

 

 

Thursday was a half-day so again, Rafi and I hung out (the lazy bum slept until 2PM!!). We headed to Efrat to see my fam and stayed up way too late hanging out with them. We are going to Alon Shvut, the neighboring settlement where my friends David and Davida live and spending Shabbat with them.

I wandered through a forest of miniature trees on pedestals (this is not a metaphor)

I was just looking at the list of people I send this to every week and it made me feel and warm and fuzzy inside to think about how you all want to know what is going on in my life, even when it isnt very exciting. So thanks. 

This weeks highlights included:

1. Me actually doing something in the army.

2. Watching F-16's take off. From 30 ft away.

3. Seeing people I have not seen in a long time.

4. Pancakes.

Number 1- On Tuesday, Lihi (the other english teacher) had a doctor's appointment and needed someone to sub for her. So I got to teach her class (of two) for the day. We covered all the material by lunch time and did Wednesday's test- which they both did well on. Lihi was kind of shocked, which was a little insulting, but not worth starting more teenage drama (which is running rampant these days) in the office.

Number 2- On Monday, we sort of snuck Rafi on to my base, dressed him up in a jumpsuit and let him hang out in my office all day. Everyone was kind of scared to take him too close to the planes (since he wasnt really supposed to be there) until my commander came back to the office, shuffled us into his car, drove us out to the runway and let us watch the planes take off. You could feel the heat from the engines. It was super cool. and loud. but mostly cool. Everyone really liked him and wants me to bring him back to visit again. Abba, if you come visit there would be so many cool things they would let you see!!

Number 3- This week I got to go out to dinner with a friend of mine visiting from America (she even brought me a present!) and went to see Toy Story 3 (SOOOO GOOD) with a friend of mine who lives here, but I never see her anyway. So that was lovely.

Number 4- I had pancakes for breakfast today. It was exciting.

I know, I know, Im ranking pancakes next to F-16's. But I stand by them. These were the highlights of my week and sometimes, all you really need to make your day are some damn fine pancakes.

This week I was that person grocery shopping at 11 pm

This week I did not sleep very much. It just seemed like every night there was some other thing that happened or had to be done that kept me up until 1 am. (Oh, how I miss the days of college when I did not consider that late). Among the things that kept me up late this week were:

1. Work. My new job was very demanding this week as they hosted a "Marriage Meltdown" lecture featuring three speakers discussing sex and money and how to handle those issues as a couple. It was a really interesting event and I really enjoyed it, but it required alot of work from me. It is also abundantly clear to me that this job will be more demanding than I expected, which is something I might be okay with. It is good money and it keeps me busy, and as long as every week isnt as demanding as this one I think I will be able to do it.

2. Birthday One. This week was my father's birthday (everyone feel free to send him birthday emails at covel648@cox.net). I called my father and ended up staying up pretty late walking him and my baby brother through the complex process of making a Duncan Hines cake. I still feel pretty bad that I couldnt be there to help make his birthday dinner, but as my other brother and sister failed at that as well, at least I have some company in feeling guilty. Abba, I love you and hope this year is full of new experiences and chocolate cupcakes (and wonderfully lacking in dog hair and bad drivers).

3. Birthday Two. This week was also my Hebrew birthday (feel free to send me birthday emails in Hebrew). There are many people here who celebrate their Hebrew birthday, and many who stick to the english date. I have found the wonderful compromise of celebrating BOTH and challenge anyone who argues that you cant have more than  one birthday. I think that is just silly. Plus, my english birthday falls out on a fast day and that will just not be any fun. Anyway, I wanted to keep the celebrations simple so I was just going to have birthday dinner with my friend Avital. I went over to her place and had a lovely dinner with her, her sister, and her grandmother and headed home afterward to go to sleep. Little did I know how sneaky and planning Avital is. Briks, remember that time I was an hour and half late for my surprise goodbye party? Yeah, I have not gotten any better at picking up on surprises. Avital had made a cake and sent me home to my apartment where my roommates were waiting with presents and decorations. But, I didnt know this, so I called my friend Noam on the way home and then decided to sit outside in the park and chat with him. I did not understand why Mia kept calling and telling me she needed me to check something on the computer when, as I told her, I was not home. Finally Nechama called me and told me she had locked herself out (which I really shouldnt have believed, because I am the only one ever irresponsible enough to do that) and I came to the entrance of our building where Avital and her sister (who had at this point beaten me home), Mia, Nechama, and her boyfriend Avi jumped out from behind a wall and started singing to me. They had decorated the apartment with balloons and signs and bought me a present (a book of hikes in Israel!!!) and were just absolutely wonderful. It was my first ever birthday surprise :)

4. Idan Raichel. In the continuing thread of birthday celebrations, Rafi and I went to an Idan Raichel concert at the Sultan's Pools outside of the Old City. We got to dance at his concert under the stars, in view of the Old City walls for Jerusalem. It was wonderful.

So all in all, it was all worth the loss of sleep. Thats what Shabbat is for, right?

Army Stories for your Entertainment

"How to Maneuver the Fire Swamp of Medical Bureaucracy"

1- Go to the clinic on base.

2- Be seen by a mostly incompetent medic who then sends you into see the doctor.

3- Be seen by the somewhat more competent doctor who gives you a form and tells you to go get a test.

4- Through luck and perserverence, manage to get through the automated machines that answer your phone call and make an appointment.

5- Cancel appointment because you were put on guard duty.

6- Repeat step 4.

7- Two months later, head to appointment at different base. Learn that this involves walking one mile and that your water bottle is not big enough for adventures in this country.

8- Spend ten minutes wandering through a maze of a building trying to figure out where your appointment is.

9- Find the office 2 minutes before your appointment and go check in at the front desk.

10- Try not to explode when they tell you that you do not have an appointment today.

11- Argue. Plead. Cry.

12- Get seen by the doctor.

13- Go upstairs for the second test. Pray that they wrote down that you have an appointment.

14- Cheer when they confirm your appointment.

15- Discover that it is with the wrong doctor.

16- Argue. Plead. Yell.

17- Get sent into the commanders office.

18- Be told there are no more appointments for months. You must go to a civilian doctor. Here is the number. Get a form from your base.

19- Make an appointment with the civilian doctor.

20- Make an appointment with the doctor on base to get permission to see the civilian doctor.

21- Be told that you cannot see Civilian Doctor A. You can only see Civilian Doctors B, E, and G.

22- Get permission slip and go to front desk for the number for Civilian Doctor B.

23- Get back to your office, call the number and discover it is the wrong one.

24- Call the clinic again and ask for the right number.

25- Be told that they do not have it. Figure it out yourself.

26- Argue. Plead. Yell. Get hung up on.

27- Cry.

28- Attract the attention of the men you work with, who through magical telephone skills, get you the number.

29- Express shock and surprise when you get an appointment for the next week.

30- Write a long rant complaining about the army.

"Fun Day for the Lone Soldiers"

This week I was invited to a "Yom Keif" (Fun Day) for the lone soldiers on base. This meant me, a bunch of Russians, and Shachaf (who works in my office). I tried to stay optimistic despite having to rise at 5:45 am in order to get to base on time for the "Yom Keif". We were showered with baked goods, packed on to a bus, and sent to Ra'anana to spend the day at a country club. The only "country" part of this club were the random chickens wandering around the pool. So we spent the morning chilling by the pool wondering why we didnt just do this on base before being invited to the entertainment portion of our day. Which was a magician. Our "Yom Keif" was basically an 8 year old's birthday party. Which of course, I am not one to complain about. Because I love magic (Ari- I have a new trick for you to master) and I love pools, and they even gave us popsicles. We even got goodie bags (though deoderant and socks are NOT as exciting as candy and noisemakers). What I really missed was the part where your parents pick you up at the end of the party. Because it took me 3 hours to get home from Ra'nana, and after 20 minutes at the first bus stop I was really missing that pool. 

Lighthearted and Happy, as promised

Exciting things that happened to me this past week (and their accompanying awesomeness):

1. My brother Rafi came to Israel!!!! Accompanying awesomeness included:

    a) Going to the light festival in the old city (see pics)

    b) Wandering the streets of Efrat for hours catching up

    c) Pizza, ice cream, sushi, and lots of captain crunch being eaten.

    d) I got to once again make fun of his smelly feet.

2. I got my army issued skirt!! Accompanying awesomeness includes an awesome story:

    a) As of last week, they still had no idea when my skirt would get in ("Its out of our hands!"), so I decided on a new course of action. I convinced them (wasn't very hard, they are getting really sick of me there) to give me the skirts that they had (which are too small on me), then went to the base seamstress and convinced her (this one was a little harder, had to pull out the whole sob story about how Im alone and dont really speak hebrew and keep getting jerked around) to try to somehow make this skirt fit me. It took her an hour and pretty much everyone there was staring in awe as she dismantled this skirt and pulled the scraps together to make a lovely new skirt that fit me. It looks so good she actually made me parade around the office and show everyone. I was excited, she was excited, I pranced back into my office and they were all excited. It was wonderful.

An hour later, they storeroom called me and told me that they had gotten my skirts. I laughed. Pretty sure God was laughing too.

    b) I look awesome.

3. This weekend I experienced a victory for Jewish Feminists in the form of Sivan Gordon's bat mitzvah.

    a) Sivan led a women's mincha (afternoon prayer) service and read from the Torah as well. The men in her family went up to the women's balcony to throw candy (the typical women's job) and Sivan's cousins, sister, mother, grandmother, and aunts did all the usual male jobs involved in the prayer service. 

    b) It is really cool to be that close to the Torah and everything going on in synagogue. 

    c) At the kiddush (meal) afterwards Sivan, her mother, and her grandmother all got up and spoke and it was just so cool to see all the female pride going on for this recently proclaimed Jewish woman. Also, her father was practically exploding with pride. It was adorable. 

4. I got a job! (not in the army)

    a) I am the new part-time, work-from-home, administrative assistant to Choice of the Heart, a new company that offers preventative counselling and runs  workshops for young couples to teach them how to deal with the most common problems that married couples face.

    b) They think Im awesome. So far Im liking them too.

5. I bought a ticket to come visit the states!

    a) I am expected to become an aunt on August 7th :)

    b) So I am landing on August 15th (avoiding all the messy birth part) just in time to help out with all the newborn baby part.

    c) I am now being kept busy in the army by all the paperwork I have to fill out in order to leave the country. (This is awesome because it means I have something to do).

Not for the faint of heart

This was a week for rhetoric. As many of you hopefully know, Israel has been heavily abused by the international media this week in wake of the Gaza Flotilla clash.

A little background: This week six ships tried to break through the Israeli blockade to deliver supplies to the Hamas-run Gaza Strip. They were filled with hundreds of people who called themselves peace activists and insisted that they were bringing much needed humanitarian aid to Gaza. Israel allows hundreds of tons of humanitarian aid supplied by the UN, the Red Cross, and other humanitarian organizations into Gaza, but there are certain items (like fertilizer) that can be used to create weapons that Israel does not let into Gaza. This is the blockade that has been present since Hamas came to power in 2007. Israel repeatedly told these ships that they would not be allowed to dock in Israel, but that they could unload the supplies in Ashdod and Israel would transfer them to the Gaza Strip by land. They refused. Upon nearing the Israeli coast, each ship was asked to stop and then told they would be boarded and towed to an Israeli port when they refused. Five of the six ships were boarded and towed without incident. The sixth ship, the Mavi Marma, was full of Turkish and Pakistani "peace activists" that attacked the Israeli soldiers when they boarded the ship. Using metal poles, knives, and stun grenades they beat and stabbed Israeli Navy soldiers going so far as to throw one overboard. They soldiers were armed with paintguns and prepared for only light resistance. The Turkish passengers are claiming that the soldiers attacked first, but the Israelis say (and the footage supports this) that they were attacked when they tried to board. At some point a passenger grabbed the handgun of one of the soldiers and started firing. The soldiers were given permission to shoot to protect themselves and after about 40 minutes of fighting there were 9 dead passengers and numerous wounded on both sides. 

This all happened at about 2 am on Monday morning and the Israeli soldiers have since been labelled murderers and pirates by the international media. No one seems to care that these "peace activists" attacked the soldiers, or that this seems to have been their plan all along. These passengers were preparing for a fight, were looking to cause a violent encounter and have once again succeeded in their plan to turn international feeling against Israel. 

We knew these ships were coming and most Israelis knew how this story would end. Once again, we would be berated and labelled murderers for trying to protect ourselves. Once again, we found ourselves in a situation where we would be berated for our actions no matter how careful we were. We could not let these ships through the blockade, allowing a port to open up in Gaza for weapons shipments to terrorist organizations. We had no option but to stop these ships, and despite going so far as to arm our soldiers with paint-guns, we are once again accused of violently attacking innocents. 

Please, watch some of the footage and tell me how innocent these activists were.

    - Gaza flotilla footage

    - IDF spokespersons channel

All over Israel people are shouting their support, waving flags and hanging signs to show their support for the army's actions. On base we are watching the footage and reading the news disgusted by the international response. You would think we would be used to it by now, but when things like this happen and the truth is so clear, we do not understand why the international media seems set against us, seems determined to present this story in the worst way possible. We do not understand how, no matter how carefully we tread, we somehow always end up the bad guys. Terrorism we can deal with, but changing international regard for Israel feels like fighting a losing battle. 

I took a teaching class on base this week and part of our final exam included preparing a lesson plan and teaching the class for twenty-minutes. I was understandably nervous about having to teach a group of 20 officers in Hebrew, but as we were allowed to teach on whatever topic interested me, I chose to speak about an area where I have some experience- immigration. I discussed the mass immigrations to Israel and the hardships that immigrants face while trying to be absorbed into Israeli society. I discussed the groups that came to live a better life (Russians and Argentinians), those that ran from persecution (Arab Jews and Ethiopians) and anti-semitism (French), and those that left forward-thinking free countries for idealogical reasons (North Americans). I closed my lesson by stressing the importance of being an active part of our Jewish future, the responsibility that each one of us has to be a part of building a better future for Am Yisrael (the Israeli nation).

Israel was created to be a safe haven for Jews everywhere, but today we need to be more. There are so many divisions among us as a nation, whether it is the religious vs the secular, the religious vs the less or more religious, the liberals vs the conservatives and so on. There are times when I feel that we are so divided and so busy fighting each other that we have forgotten why we are here. Because Israel is more than a sanctuary, it is a home for a nation that has been dispersed for almost two thousand years. And a home is not just a place to sleep. It is a place to connect to your family, to prepare yourself for your future, and to find the strength of self to take on the next day. This past week, Israel has felt like a home, because in the face of adversity, we have put aside our differences and stood up to protect our family. 

Whether you are a zionist or not, a Jew or not, an Israeli or not, I hope that you know what sort of future you are helping build. It is so easy to get caught up in the ups and downs of our personal lives. And it is understandable. My life is my world and the things you might deem insignificant can be life-changing for me. But remember that you are a part of a greater world, and that you have a responsibility, as an individual and as a part of humanity, to be actively working towards creating a better future. 

Whew. Sorry about the intensity. It was that kind of week. Ill bring you some light-hearted humor next time.

Brain-tired should be a term

I apologize if I fail to formulate thoughts or sentences. I think my brain has finally stormed out in frustration with the hoops I have made it run through this week.

It started on Sunday, when I went back to my base for the first time since my Shmirot (guard duty). I decided to go and talk to the Rabbi on base about what happened to me on Shabbat. We ended up having a 40-min discussion that upset me for the rest of the day. The argument that he made, which I actually respect, is that just because I don't agree with their interpretation of halacha, does not mean that I cannot respect it. They were not trying to offend me, they were trying to follow the laws as they understand them. My counterargument, which the Rabbi did hear and agree with me, is that the army is not Mea Shearim, and while I might have to live by their standards of halacha when on their territory, their job when they come to base for Shabbat is to bring a Shabbat environment to all the soldiers. And while they were more than willing to accept men at any level of religious observance, they were not accepting of women at all. He agreed with me and said he would talk to the yeshiva that sent them, but there was an attitude of acceptance that really upset me. I remained upset when I returned to my office and ended up getting caught crying by my co-workers. And what I found is that even among the non-religious, there is an attitude of complacence towards the ultra-religious. One of the girls in my office had actually been in a car that had been stoned on Shabbat, and still, she treats me and other religious Jews with respect and understanding. 

When I moved here I thought it would be so much easier to be religious. And in a way, it is. I will never have to worry about working on Shabbat, I will never have to arrange my course schedule's around the Jewish holidays. My children will grow up in an environment where they wont be embarrassed to be shomer negiyah and learning Torah can be cool. But as I learn more and more about the religious world here, I find that it is much harder to accept the religious attitudes and divisions here. Ignoring the stereotypes and misconceptions and negative attitudes dividing the religious and non-religious, the way the religious people turn against each other and judge each other... it embarrasses me. We do not respect each other and we judge others for not practicing Judaism the way that we do. We categorize everyone by the way they dress and how often they pray and what type of kippah they wear. And it pains me. It pains me to be disrespected and it pains me to see how we treat each other. I came to a place where I could raise my children surrounded by their nation, by a Jewish family, and I find myself rejected by the very people that I consider my "family".

Sorry, I have rambled on again about a subject that is important to me, but somewhat dreary and depressing. I will move on to the next obstacle my brain faced this week.

On Tuesday I took an "occupational exam" that tested my strengths and will supposedly tell me what I am good at and where I should work. I mean I could have told them that I am not good at math and physics without sitting through a few hours of testing, but it was kind of fun to challenge my brain. I haven't done arithmetic without a calculator in over 5 years, so that was interesting. Plus there was a fun part of the exam that tested creativity and I enjoyed that part. But it was a full day exam and my brain was hurting by the end.

On Wednesday I went to Haifa to learn more about the creative therapies Master's program I am interested in. I spoke to the not so nice secretary and a few of the students and then embarked on a two-day frenzy in which I attempted to register for four online classes that I need to have finished by October in order to start the program in the fall. It was intense. I failed. So I will now be taking the next year to complete these four classes and apply for Fall 2011. Which means I am going to have to get a job. But Im not there yet. As I said, my brain has retired for the weekend, and there is no bringing her back until she's ready.

Thank God for Shabbat. 

My hairdresser tells me to eat more red meat

It appears that even my most epic emails are small tidbits compared to the novels that Dov Lerner writes. Ah well, Im okay with that. And Im sure y'all prefer the shorter versions. Lucky for you, this week was incredibly uneventful compared to last week.

Basically, there was Shavuot and then a day off where I did not know what to do with myself and then it was Friday. Sweet.

Points of interest included:

1. I sadly said goodbye to my friend Ari who headed back to the States after cruelly allowing me to become accustomed to his presence here. (Ari, I dont really think you are cruel, I am just going to miss having you here with me.) Another one bites the dust (and by "bites the dust" I mean "moves to NY").

2. David and Davida are back!! They ran off to India for like, ever/ five months, but have finally returned home (to a new half caravan in Alon Shvut) and I am happy. 

3. After failing to accomplish anything yesterday, I was feeling drastic and chopped off all my hair. Enjoy the pics.

That was pretty much it. How wonderfully uneventful, right?

Longest week ever or I hate flies and Sephardi men

"Anything one thinks about alot becomes problematic". 

So said Nietzsche, whose name is annoying to pronounce and spell, but was very right in this matter, as I learned this week. Because this week I did alot of thinking. Due to intense and overwhelming boredom. (Boredom, by the way, is one of those words like "eloquent" that fits its definition perfectly). I thought circles around the big problems in my life like grad school and boys. I delved into some more depressing subjects like living the rest of my life in a different country than my family and wondering whether I will ever be able to yell back at people in Hebrew. I pondered on the small pleasures in life like a breeze when its freaking hot and the wonderful canteen worker who brought me treats every time she went through the gate I was guarding. I spent an unusually large amount of time thinking about inane subjects like Oconomowoc, WI (where my magazines are made) and how the reality of ants in your pants is not as funny as it sounds. In fact, it got to the point where I actually ran out of things to space out about. I finally understand what Ari and Ayton were talking about when they told me that sometimes, boys really just aren't thinking about anything at all. 

So why all the free thinking time? Because all I did this week was guard and sleep. Which unfortunately cannot be done at the same time. Other things that you are not allowed to do on guard duty:

- Eat (which I did repeatedly after my first shift when I apparently complained to so many people that I was hungry that the rest of the week they all brought me food.) 

- Talk on the phone (which I also did repeatedly because COME ON! I was guarding from 2-6 am and in clear danger of falling asleep. Plus, it was ideal talking to America time. Shout out to Yael Skversky who once again proved her awesomeness by calling me every night this week)

 -Listen to music (although singing is allowed, as well as listening to the other guards sing) 

- Sitting at the same time that the other guard is sitting (which only ever proved to be a problem with Maxim, who insisted on sitting on the curb/floor/desk and leading me to play this "jump up every time he sits down" game. Which was not fun)

- Reading/writing/praying (all of which I did anyway)

- Smoking (which I did not do, but got on the good side of my fellow guards by covering for them when they did)

(Please dont let this change your opinion of how hard the Israeli army is working. It is obviously a very efficient and well run institution.)

When I wasnt guarding (I did 6 hrs on, 6 hrs off, 4 hrs on, 7 hrs off), it was eat, pray, sleep (less exciting than the more popular "eat, pray, love"). Shabbat was the only change in this. I had to close Shabbat on base (my first since Basic Training) and was less than thrilled about that, but at least I did not have to do the 6 hour day shift, because that gate was closed on the weekend. As I have mentioned before, it is not so easy to be a religious girl in the army, so I was kind of nervous about spending Shabbat on base, but I was going to be able to make it to synagogue and my one friend on base (outside of my office) was also closing Shabbat, so I tried to be optimistic. 

That kinda went down the crapper on Friday when I was called and yelled at because the logic I had been using- my gate is closed, thus I have no guard duty- was wrong. I was supposed to be at the other gate from 12:30 to 6:30 pm. I didnt get in trouble (probably as a result of my fumbling Hebrew as I tried to explain that there were alot of things I had missed in our 20 min "Welcome to Guard Duty" lecture) but this did mean that I was getting off duty 30 min before Shabbat started. I managed to shower, made it to shul, and had the pleasure of company in the women's section. 

Dinner was gross and I got questioned for making my own kiddush, but I sat with my friend Chen and her friends and it wasnt too bad. Then Chen decided to slip off base and go home because she was sick of being on base and I was left alone :( Since I had to wake up at 2am to go guard, I made the best of the situation and went to bed. I read the parsha while I guarded, and went to Shacrit (morning services) afterward. I was the only woman there and after we had finished one of the guys invited me to come with them to say kiddush. It was pretty awkward as I didnt know any of them and no one really talked to me, but I had an impromptu lunch with about ten guys and the two rabbinical students who were brought to the base to bring a Shabbaty-environment with them. After my nap I went back to synagogue for Mincha (afternoon prayer) and planned on staying for Seudah Shlishit (dinner) and Maariv (evening prayer). There was one other woman at Mincha and I asked her to stay with me as lunch was kind of awkward. 

This was the worst part of my entire Shabbat. Long story short, the rabbinical students would not let us sit at the same table as the men for dinner. They claimed that it was immodest for us to eat together, told me that they shouldnt have let me sit with them for lunch, and said that if we wanted to stay, we would have to sit at another table on the side. I would like to say that I argued with them, showing my fluency in the language and my superior knowledge of Halacha, teaching them an important lesson about including women in the community. But what really ended up happening was that I became more angry and more upset, lost all my Hebrew, started crying and couldnt get out anything stronger than "You are wrong. This is wrong". 

I have never, NEVER been asked to eat a different table, and I have eaten with countless Rabbis and even a few Charedim. These men were brought to base to help the soldiers connect with Shabbat and feel the Kedusha (holiness) of the day even when they are surrounded by people who are not keeping Shabbat. I have kept Shabbat in a house full of Christians, in a hotel by myself, and out in the woods. This was by far my worst Shabbat ever. The very people I had been depending on to help me feel Shabbat rejected me and sent me off to the side as if I was something dirty and impure. As if my presence contaminated them. 

I limped through my last two shifts and thanked God when Sunday morning came around and I got to hand in my gun, change out of my stinking uniform and head out on a two day trip with everyone in my office. I was exhausted and emotionally drained, but everyone else was very excited and the feeling spread. I totally failed to sleep in the car on the way north as I sat next to Shachaf, who reminded me oh so much of my little brothers. He tapped me every three minutes because he was bored (Barak), sang the Hebrew version of "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves" (Rafi), tried to get everyone in the car to play a game with him (Barak) and tried to start a fight with me by telling me that we should just kill all the Arabs (Rafi). In fact, he reminded me so much of our old family roadtrips that I just laughed at him and taught him the english version of the song. 

When we got up North it was stiflingly hot but we very quickly changed into swimwear and headed out on a 2 hour inflatable kayaking trip. We were paired into boats and I ended up with Boris. (Not quite sure how this happened, but there is a running joke now that we are going to get married. Im really hoping he doesnt take it too seriously.) I successfully attacked three other boats, but Boris was a very bad partner and kept abandoning me in the water. Its not totally his fault, since I kept launching myself into the water and he doesnt really understand how to row, but still. Came out soaking and exhausted and had a great time.

At this point my mother expects me to insert a long rant about the beach where we (for some god-forsaken reason) decided to spend the night. It was to include a section about disgusting Israelis who leave their garbage everywhere with a special focus on the dried up chicken bones all over the beach, and then lead onto a long winded complaint about the horrible heat and lack of western wimps (I mean wind, but it is a joke for my dad). And I was going to conclude the whole thing with a rant about the flies that almost drove me to insanity (Oh the flies! The flies!!). But soon after I hung up with my mother the sun set, the flies went away and the four bottles of water I had chugged finally fought off the affects of dehydration. Then my commander came back from the hospital (he had jammed his finger kayaking and was afraid it was broken), we started barbequing, setup a generator and a DVD player (because who doesnt bring all the props for karaoke when they go camping on the beach?) and sang and ate and danced into the odd hours of the night. We were all filthy and sweaty and gross, but the flies were gone (seriously, they were ALL OVER us before) and everyone started being their less-exhausted ridiculous selves so we had a good time. I went to bed at 4 after telling Boris I was sorry, but just really couldnt stay up all night with him, and we all woke up around 7. 

We booked it out of there the next morning as the flies had returned and headed out to the next part of our trip- Jeeping. It was kind of cool, but mostly just driving down unnecessarily bumpy roads in a part of Israel that used to be Syria. Lots of driving and waiting for buses later I got home, walked straight into the shower and started the process of feeling like a person again.

I like cashews

This was kind of a random week so, like the good ole days of yore, this will be presented in list form. 

Occurrences of the week that made me smile:

- I was accepted into graduate school!! The college I visited in Tel Aviv called me yesterday to let me know that they would love to have me. I am not yet sure if Im going there, but its nice to know they like me :)

- I got to shoot. We have to go back to the range every six months, (and since I just passed that marker!) I got to hang out on base super late Sunday night and shoot an M-16 in the dark. 

- Boris finally grew a pair and fought back when we ganged up on him and got him soaked while cleaning the office. An amazingly ridiculous water fight ensued.

- I helped build a recyclable bench this week, leaving some stupid boy totally boggled by the sight of a girl using an electric drill. Silly child. 

- There was one day this week where FOUR women were in mincha (afternoon prayer). Mwahaha, we are taking back the women's section!

- On Thursday we had a field trip to Modiin and the graves/memorials of the Maccabees and my team won the treasure hunt. Oh yea!

- I got to talk to my brother.

- I went out for dinner three times. Which, while not fiscally responsible of me, meant I got exclusive time with some really good friends.

- I got to run through sprinklers. 

Occurrences of the week that were incredibly frustrating at the time:

- Boris and Lihi (the english teacher) have been alternating between fighting and not talking ever since Boris told Lihi that he liked her and then Lihi told everyone in the office. This made it really fun to stay late with them on Sunday in order to go to the shooting range. Or to be in the same room with the two of them all week. 

- While I did get to go shooting, I dont know how I did. Because the army apparently doesnt care if you can hit anything, just that you can point your gun in the right direction and shoot it.

- There was a base-wide blood drive this week but they wouldnt let me donate :(

- I realized that in the next two weeks I have to get answers from all the grad schools I applied to and find out which ones the Israeli government will pay for.

- A soldier called me stupid this week which was just mean. He then clarified that he meant I was stupid for joining the army, not for the way I speak or something, but it still wasnt very nice. 

Things that I am looking forward to:

- Bonfires on Saturday night for Lag Ba'Omer.

- My brother is going to be in Israel for SIX WEEKS this summer. 

- Next week I will not be on base because I have some sort of "how to be a person after the army" course. And my friend Elodie is going to be there too :)

- SHABBAT!!!

להיות עם חופשי בארצינו

This week was both Yom HaZikaron (Memorial Day) and Yom Ha'atzmeut (Independence Day), coming one week after Yom HaShoah (Holocaust Memorial Day) and three weeks after Passover. This is my second year here experiencing this transition of holidays as an Israeli, but I think this year was more real for me in many ways.

This Passover involved alot of firsts for me, including being in a completely new environment for Seder. For the first time I was not with my family (or adopted family), and I had never been to such a small Seder before. But it allowed me to share new thoughts, hear new thoughts, and experience Yitziat Mizrayim (the Exodus from Egypt) in a whole new way. The Rabbi on my base also told me something this year that allowed me to look at Passover and Yom Ha'Shoah in a whole new way. We were talking about faith in the truth of the events that are described in the Torah, and he told me the following:

Despite the photographs, the physical evidence, and the recorded testimonies, there are still those that deny that the Holocaust ever happened. There are still survivors of that atrocity alive and yet there are those that say there is no proof that it really happened. What will it be like 50 years from now? 100? Imagine, if each Yom Ha'Shoah, all the Jews in each community gathered in one room, ate some sort of symbolic food like what they had in the camps, and told the story of the Holocaust. They read testimonies from during and after. They told their children the story of the Holocaust and acted out parts of the story using certain foods or symbols to accentuate their points. If we did this every year, the Holocaust would never be forgotten-  but would our children ever reach a point where they thought it was just a weird tradition about a fictional story? When Bnei Yisrael left Egypt there were no photographs, no videos, no paperwork, and the survivors died out long ago. All we have is stories, written testimonies and the tradition to sit and retell our history to our children every year. This is our proof. Believing that Hashem took us out of Egypt does not need to be an act of faith. 

As I stood in silence with the rest of Israel as the sirens went off around the country and we remembered all those who have fallen in the fight for a Jewish homeland, I knew we would never forget what it cost us to be here. And as I wandered the streets of Jerusalem that night, surrounded by Israelis from age 4 to 90, all out celebrating the creation of a Jewish state, I knew that we would never stop appreciating what Hashem has given us. Last month we relived the exodus from Egypt, we remembered what it was to become a free people. Our journey to become a nation was not a simple one. Over a hundred years of slavery followed by a hurried chase to the Red Sea and a spiritually and physically challenging trek to Har Sinai where we recieved the Torah and officially became the Jewish people. But even than, our journey was not over and we had to wander through the desert for 40 more years before we were prepared to start fighting for our country. The Torah describes the generations of trials and difficulties we went through to become a nation. It tells us of the spiritual cleansing we had to go through to earn the Torah, and the battles we had to fight, amongst ourselves as well as with our enemies, before we earned the Land of Israel. It took hundreds of years to become a nation of Israel with the Torah of Israel, in the Land of Israel.

And then our kingdom faltered, our country was conquered, our Temple destroyed, and our nation dispersed. For two thousand years we fought to hold on to our Torah, we fought to hold on to our nation. We survived the Crusades, the Spanish Inquisition, and even the Holocaust. We have lost parts of our nation, and parts of our Torah, but we had lost all of our land. We fought to maintain a presence there, in Jerusalem, and Tzfat, and Hevron. Herzl and the Zionist Congress fought to keep the idea of Jewish homeland alive. And then, 62 years ago, the Jewish people once again had a country. 

I cannot imagine how it felt to celebrate our first Yom Ha'Atzmeut, to commemorate our first Yom Ha'Zikaron. But I do know what it feels like, as a Jew, as an Israeli, and as a soldier in Tzahal, to celebrate our 62nd. And being a part of this nation, being a part of this country, we are never going to forget how we got here and what it means to be a free nation in our land– להיות עם חופשי בארצינו

The future is in my hands

This week I have two stories for your reading enjoyment.

The first, is of the army. I would like to prelude this story by saying that as I was recapping the series of events to my commander he was shocked that getting this simple thing done had become so complicated and convoluted. He told me that the army was not normally like this. I laughed.

About a month ago, I asked my commander if I could switch my uniform and get a skirt. The army does offer religious girls the option of a uniform-skirt, but very few people wear them. I had originally gone with pants because I thought skirts attracted more attention, and I dont think there is a religious issue with women wearing loose pants (and since I am the only girl in the army that didnt take my pants to a seamstress and get them fitted skin-tight, mine are unattractively baggy). This decision was also part of my "I can be religious and still wear pants, you stupid Israelis!" statement. 

I have, however, decided to make a different statement. While it still sort of frustrates me, I realized that wearing a skirt in the army is not just an issue of modesty, but rather a statement of religiosity. While a Jewish man can wear a kippah or tzitzit to show that he is religious, Jewish women dont have those options. Those of who are married can cover their hair, but us single ladies have more limited options. So once it started to get warmer and I didnt have to worry about the practical/warmth side of my decision to wear pants, I decided to ask for a skirt. 

Now, in order to switch to a skirt, you have to get a permission from the Rabbi of the base. This was not a problem for me, as he sees me at Mincha (afternoon prayer) every day. I then took my permission slip to the Afsanoot (store room in charge of distributing uniforms) and handed it to the girl (we will name her Olga) there. She had me try on the two skirts that they had there, and when I told her they were too small (flashback to my first day!) she told me they would have to order it from the Bakoom (the main outfitting-base). She took down my name and number and skirt size and told me I could go. The rabbi had told me it is only supposed to take two weeks, but as Pesach was in the middle, I gave them three before going back to inquire what was going on with my skirt. Olga was there, from what I understood, she told me "Im waiting for the guy to take it to the thing. I did my job, you're just going to have to wait."

So I waited another week and went back. This time the girl was not there, but her commander, Michal, was. So I asked Michal what was going on with the skirt I ordered and she looked at me and said "I have no idea what you are talking about." I told her all that I had done and she told me to come back the next day when Olga would be back. So, I went back the next day, when both Michal and Olga were there. Michal asked me for my permission form from the Rabbi and I told her I had given it to Olga already. Olga then turned to me and said "I have no idea what you are talking about." I attempted to remind her about our previous conversations, but she continued to look at me like I was crazy and insist that we had never spoken. Michal eventually jumped in and told me to just go get another form from the Rabbi, as well as some other form from a different office. 

I got the latter form, but when I went to the Rabbi's office he was not there, and the phone number on the door turned out to be the old rabbi's, who had left more than 6 months ago. So after having a nice awkward conversation with him, I waited an hour for the rabbi to come back. He was pretty pissed that I still hadnt gotten my skirt, so he gave me another form as well as emailing it to the Afsanoot with an angry note that he forwarded to my commander.

I went back to the Afsanoot and they were closed. Figures. So I waited another 20 min, and eventually Olga came back. I went in and she looked at me like she had never seen me before and said "Yea?". So I explained that I had gotten the forms for my skirt and wanted to give them to her. She said I had to give them to Michal, who wasnt going to come back today and whose office was on some other part of the base that I didnt know. Great.

So I went back to my office pissed off and cursing in English. They seemed to pick up that I was upset, so they had me recap my story and then spent the rest of the afternoon cheering me up. Come the next morning, the story has gotten back to my commander who is seriously ticked off on my behalf. So he sent one of the officers to the Afsanoot with me. Olga is there but Michal is not. But voila, Olga suddenly knows how to do her job. She took my forms, filled out a bunch of new ones (that she hadnt had last time) and within five minutes had put in my order and once again told me I just had to wait for the guy to bring it to the thing. Right. 

Anyway, story two is shorter. I went to visit graduate programs in art therapy yesterday in Tel Aviv as I am trying to organize my life a little. The first school I went to was awesome and I have an entrance interview scheduled for next week. I then headed over to this other school that I had found on the internet and had invited me to entrance exams today. It quickly came to my attention upon arrival that this was not an art therapy school, but rather a holistic therapy school. Unfortunately they were waiting for me, knew my name and were just way to friendly and attentive for me to just walk back out the door. They sat me down at a computer and had me answer a list of questions on a scale of 1-4 to see how much I agreed with each statement. Some were all right, like "I believe that people are innately good" or "I believe the things I do can make a difference in this world". But then there were ones like "I would describe myself as tasty" and "I dont like wearing clothes". Again, there was no way out, so I worked my way through the questions, skipping those I did not understand (whether because of the hebrew or because I dont know what it means to think of yourself as tasty). Once I had finished, the director of the program (and founder of the school) invited me into his office for my interview. His office has a massage table, a kabbalah chart on the wall, and pillows all over the floor. There were also two chairs, where we sat and he looked over my test results muttering to himself. He asked me a few questions, but apparently my answers were not quite satisfactory, because he asked me for my hands. Not really knowing what was going on, I put out my hands and he then proceeded to read my palms. 

He was flipping my hands over, looking at the lines and the nailbeds and taking notes. After a few minutes of this, he sat back and began to tell me what he could see, based on my palms and test results. Ill be honest, I was intrigued and there were some things that he got spot on. Plus he said I clearly had an artists hands and that just made me all happy inside. He talked all about my personality and the things I will need to work on in my first year in the program and then he told me he was very excited to have me come to his school and sent me back to the main office to sign papers.

While this had been a fascinating experience, and I am sure there is some truth to the therapy he practices, there is no freaking way I was going to spend four years in this program and pretend its graduate school. Also, no way I will ever be crunchy enough to pull off what this man does. Thankfully, his secretary is the fluffy-type so I said something about having to confirm something something and Ill call them before high-tailing it back to the elevators.

Was an interesting experience either way. Hope yall had a good week, feel free to share your own funny stories with me :)

A Tangential Rant for your Reading Pleasure

I know, Im super late this week. I did it on purpose! Thought I'd spice things up a bit. Keep yall on your toes. Mmhm. Thats what it was.

ANYWAY (I think this is the most frequently appearing word in these emails), last week I learned how much it sucks when vacation ends. I had a really good Pesach and got to do so many of those things that I love doing (excluding eating leaven of course) and then I had to go back to base. I wasnt sure if everyone hates returning to their regular life so much or whether it was just me, but it got me thinking about things I have been avoiding thinking about.

I know I have been avoiding talking about the army. In fact, I have even adopted a new policy and whenever anyone asks me what I do in the army I just say "I dont like to talk about it." Occasionally alternating that with an "I cant talk about it", but Im not a very good liar so I cant keep that up for very long. (Last week someone believed I was a pilot for a whole 2 minutes!). The truth is that nothing has changed, and I just dont know what to do about it. I say that I have called and harassed and begged everyone I could, and I really do feel like I have. Maybe there is more that I could have done, more that I could be doing, but it is really hard for me to be happy when I am spending all my time fighting and pushing and getting nowhere. I went into the army without a plan- or rather with a very Kfi "lets see where this goes" plan. And it did make sense to me, because I have seen so many people plan and plan and go in and end up somewhere they hated. I have friends who delayed going in for months in order to insure that they got into the unit they wanted. And then I have friends who knew what they wanted and cried and kicked and screamed until they got it. And I have friends who cried and kicked and screamed and still got screwed over. 

I know that I have truly lucked out when it comes to the people I work with. I have heard horror stories from other soldiers in addition to the guys in my office repeatedly showing me what amazing people they are. They really watch out for me and help me with every hardship I face. They have even learned to interpret my quiet disappearances and force me to tell them what is wrong so that they can help fix it. Plus they can be alot of fun to work with.

Im nearing my six month mark in the army and dont really think I am any closer to getting a job. There has been alot of talk about making some sort of teaching position for me, but nothing really seems to be happening with it. I still meet people who check with their commanders to see if they can get me a job, but its always the same answer "You arent serving enough time." My commander is still trying to help me out, but I find it hard to stay motivated and ambitious. I worry that I am wasting time and wonder how I can make the best of a bad situation, what I am gaining from this, and how it is helping me.

My days are kept busy for the most part, whether it with field trips or assemblies or random tasks, but none of those things really create a feeling of accomplishment, and I dread ending my service without having actually done anything.

I dont really know why I am telling you all this, but I feel some need to be honest with the 40-odd friends and family who care so much about me that they read these weekly updates. I have been recieving plenty of advice on these issues as I spend way too much time with other lone-soldiers (many of whom are the yelling-fighting type I mentioned before) and I think that that is one of the reasons I stopped talking about it. Frequently the advice is "Yell more, fight harder" and that really just makes me feel like a failure, makes me feel like my yelling and fighting just isnt good enough to change my situation. When I think the truth is, that the army makes no sense. And some people have managed to work through the mess of a system and finagle their way into a job. And some havent. Maybe its a personality thing, maybe its just the luck of the draw, maybe I need to put my ambitious yelling self in charge even if it does make me sort of miserable. I dont really know. I know there needs to be a balance between "seeing how things work themselves out" and "taking charge of my life", but it can be a really fine line to walk sometimes.

So Im trying, so you know. And I do appreciate the support.