This week I was that person grocery shopping at 11 pm

This week I did not sleep very much. It just seemed like every night there was some other thing that happened or had to be done that kept me up until 1 am. (Oh, how I miss the days of college when I did not consider that late). Among the things that kept me up late this week were:

1. Work. My new job was very demanding this week as they hosted a "Marriage Meltdown" lecture featuring three speakers discussing sex and money and how to handle those issues as a couple. It was a really interesting event and I really enjoyed it, but it required alot of work from me. It is also abundantly clear to me that this job will be more demanding than I expected, which is something I might be okay with. It is good money and it keeps me busy, and as long as every week isnt as demanding as this one I think I will be able to do it.

2. Birthday One. This week was my father's birthday (everyone feel free to send him birthday emails at covel648@cox.net). I called my father and ended up staying up pretty late walking him and my baby brother through the complex process of making a Duncan Hines cake. I still feel pretty bad that I couldnt be there to help make his birthday dinner, but as my other brother and sister failed at that as well, at least I have some company in feeling guilty. Abba, I love you and hope this year is full of new experiences and chocolate cupcakes (and wonderfully lacking in dog hair and bad drivers).

3. Birthday Two. This week was also my Hebrew birthday (feel free to send me birthday emails in Hebrew). There are many people here who celebrate their Hebrew birthday, and many who stick to the english date. I have found the wonderful compromise of celebrating BOTH and challenge anyone who argues that you cant have more than  one birthday. I think that is just silly. Plus, my english birthday falls out on a fast day and that will just not be any fun. Anyway, I wanted to keep the celebrations simple so I was just going to have birthday dinner with my friend Avital. I went over to her place and had a lovely dinner with her, her sister, and her grandmother and headed home afterward to go to sleep. Little did I know how sneaky and planning Avital is. Briks, remember that time I was an hour and half late for my surprise goodbye party? Yeah, I have not gotten any better at picking up on surprises. Avital had made a cake and sent me home to my apartment where my roommates were waiting with presents and decorations. But, I didnt know this, so I called my friend Noam on the way home and then decided to sit outside in the park and chat with him. I did not understand why Mia kept calling and telling me she needed me to check something on the computer when, as I told her, I was not home. Finally Nechama called me and told me she had locked herself out (which I really shouldnt have believed, because I am the only one ever irresponsible enough to do that) and I came to the entrance of our building where Avital and her sister (who had at this point beaten me home), Mia, Nechama, and her boyfriend Avi jumped out from behind a wall and started singing to me. They had decorated the apartment with balloons and signs and bought me a present (a book of hikes in Israel!!!) and were just absolutely wonderful. It was my first ever birthday surprise :)

4. Idan Raichel. In the continuing thread of birthday celebrations, Rafi and I went to an Idan Raichel concert at the Sultan's Pools outside of the Old City. We got to dance at his concert under the stars, in view of the Old City walls for Jerusalem. It was wonderful.

So all in all, it was all worth the loss of sleep. Thats what Shabbat is for, right?

Army Stories for your Entertainment

"How to Maneuver the Fire Swamp of Medical Bureaucracy"

1- Go to the clinic on base.

2- Be seen by a mostly incompetent medic who then sends you into see the doctor.

3- Be seen by the somewhat more competent doctor who gives you a form and tells you to go get a test.

4- Through luck and perserverence, manage to get through the automated machines that answer your phone call and make an appointment.

5- Cancel appointment because you were put on guard duty.

6- Repeat step 4.

7- Two months later, head to appointment at different base. Learn that this involves walking one mile and that your water bottle is not big enough for adventures in this country.

8- Spend ten minutes wandering through a maze of a building trying to figure out where your appointment is.

9- Find the office 2 minutes before your appointment and go check in at the front desk.

10- Try not to explode when they tell you that you do not have an appointment today.

11- Argue. Plead. Cry.

12- Get seen by the doctor.

13- Go upstairs for the second test. Pray that they wrote down that you have an appointment.

14- Cheer when they confirm your appointment.

15- Discover that it is with the wrong doctor.

16- Argue. Plead. Yell.

17- Get sent into the commanders office.

18- Be told there are no more appointments for months. You must go to a civilian doctor. Here is the number. Get a form from your base.

19- Make an appointment with the civilian doctor.

20- Make an appointment with the doctor on base to get permission to see the civilian doctor.

21- Be told that you cannot see Civilian Doctor A. You can only see Civilian Doctors B, E, and G.

22- Get permission slip and go to front desk for the number for Civilian Doctor B.

23- Get back to your office, call the number and discover it is the wrong one.

24- Call the clinic again and ask for the right number.

25- Be told that they do not have it. Figure it out yourself.

26- Argue. Plead. Yell. Get hung up on.

27- Cry.

28- Attract the attention of the men you work with, who through magical telephone skills, get you the number.

29- Express shock and surprise when you get an appointment for the next week.

30- Write a long rant complaining about the army.

"Fun Day for the Lone Soldiers"

This week I was invited to a "Yom Keif" (Fun Day) for the lone soldiers on base. This meant me, a bunch of Russians, and Shachaf (who works in my office). I tried to stay optimistic despite having to rise at 5:45 am in order to get to base on time for the "Yom Keif". We were showered with baked goods, packed on to a bus, and sent to Ra'anana to spend the day at a country club. The only "country" part of this club were the random chickens wandering around the pool. So we spent the morning chilling by the pool wondering why we didnt just do this on base before being invited to the entertainment portion of our day. Which was a magician. Our "Yom Keif" was basically an 8 year old's birthday party. Which of course, I am not one to complain about. Because I love magic (Ari- I have a new trick for you to master) and I love pools, and they even gave us popsicles. We even got goodie bags (though deoderant and socks are NOT as exciting as candy and noisemakers). What I really missed was the part where your parents pick you up at the end of the party. Because it took me 3 hours to get home from Ra'nana, and after 20 minutes at the first bus stop I was really missing that pool. 

Lighthearted and Happy, as promised

Exciting things that happened to me this past week (and their accompanying awesomeness):

1. My brother Rafi came to Israel!!!! Accompanying awesomeness included:

    a) Going to the light festival in the old city (see pics)

    b) Wandering the streets of Efrat for hours catching up

    c) Pizza, ice cream, sushi, and lots of captain crunch being eaten.

    d) I got to once again make fun of his smelly feet.

2. I got my army issued skirt!! Accompanying awesomeness includes an awesome story:

    a) As of last week, they still had no idea when my skirt would get in ("Its out of our hands!"), so I decided on a new course of action. I convinced them (wasn't very hard, they are getting really sick of me there) to give me the skirts that they had (which are too small on me), then went to the base seamstress and convinced her (this one was a little harder, had to pull out the whole sob story about how Im alone and dont really speak hebrew and keep getting jerked around) to try to somehow make this skirt fit me. It took her an hour and pretty much everyone there was staring in awe as she dismantled this skirt and pulled the scraps together to make a lovely new skirt that fit me. It looks so good she actually made me parade around the office and show everyone. I was excited, she was excited, I pranced back into my office and they were all excited. It was wonderful.

An hour later, they storeroom called me and told me that they had gotten my skirts. I laughed. Pretty sure God was laughing too.

    b) I look awesome.

3. This weekend I experienced a victory for Jewish Feminists in the form of Sivan Gordon's bat mitzvah.

    a) Sivan led a women's mincha (afternoon prayer) service and read from the Torah as well. The men in her family went up to the women's balcony to throw candy (the typical women's job) and Sivan's cousins, sister, mother, grandmother, and aunts did all the usual male jobs involved in the prayer service. 

    b) It is really cool to be that close to the Torah and everything going on in synagogue. 

    c) At the kiddush (meal) afterwards Sivan, her mother, and her grandmother all got up and spoke and it was just so cool to see all the female pride going on for this recently proclaimed Jewish woman. Also, her father was practically exploding with pride. It was adorable. 

4. I got a job! (not in the army)

    a) I am the new part-time, work-from-home, administrative assistant to Choice of the Heart, a new company that offers preventative counselling and runs  workshops for young couples to teach them how to deal with the most common problems that married couples face.

    b) They think Im awesome. So far Im liking them too.

5. I bought a ticket to come visit the states!

    a) I am expected to become an aunt on August 7th :)

    b) So I am landing on August 15th (avoiding all the messy birth part) just in time to help out with all the newborn baby part.

    c) I am now being kept busy in the army by all the paperwork I have to fill out in order to leave the country. (This is awesome because it means I have something to do).

Not for the faint of heart

This was a week for rhetoric. As many of you hopefully know, Israel has been heavily abused by the international media this week in wake of the Gaza Flotilla clash.

A little background: This week six ships tried to break through the Israeli blockade to deliver supplies to the Hamas-run Gaza Strip. They were filled with hundreds of people who called themselves peace activists and insisted that they were bringing much needed humanitarian aid to Gaza. Israel allows hundreds of tons of humanitarian aid supplied by the UN, the Red Cross, and other humanitarian organizations into Gaza, but there are certain items (like fertilizer) that can be used to create weapons that Israel does not let into Gaza. This is the blockade that has been present since Hamas came to power in 2007. Israel repeatedly told these ships that they would not be allowed to dock in Israel, but that they could unload the supplies in Ashdod and Israel would transfer them to the Gaza Strip by land. They refused. Upon nearing the Israeli coast, each ship was asked to stop and then told they would be boarded and towed to an Israeli port when they refused. Five of the six ships were boarded and towed without incident. The sixth ship, the Mavi Marma, was full of Turkish and Pakistani "peace activists" that attacked the Israeli soldiers when they boarded the ship. Using metal poles, knives, and stun grenades they beat and stabbed Israeli Navy soldiers going so far as to throw one overboard. They soldiers were armed with paintguns and prepared for only light resistance. The Turkish passengers are claiming that the soldiers attacked first, but the Israelis say (and the footage supports this) that they were attacked when they tried to board. At some point a passenger grabbed the handgun of one of the soldiers and started firing. The soldiers were given permission to shoot to protect themselves and after about 40 minutes of fighting there were 9 dead passengers and numerous wounded on both sides. 

This all happened at about 2 am on Monday morning and the Israeli soldiers have since been labelled murderers and pirates by the international media. No one seems to care that these "peace activists" attacked the soldiers, or that this seems to have been their plan all along. These passengers were preparing for a fight, were looking to cause a violent encounter and have once again succeeded in their plan to turn international feeling against Israel. 

We knew these ships were coming and most Israelis knew how this story would end. Once again, we would be berated and labelled murderers for trying to protect ourselves. Once again, we found ourselves in a situation where we would be berated for our actions no matter how careful we were. We could not let these ships through the blockade, allowing a port to open up in Gaza for weapons shipments to terrorist organizations. We had no option but to stop these ships, and despite going so far as to arm our soldiers with paint-guns, we are once again accused of violently attacking innocents. 

Please, watch some of the footage and tell me how innocent these activists were.

    - Gaza flotilla footage

    - IDF spokespersons channel

All over Israel people are shouting their support, waving flags and hanging signs to show their support for the army's actions. On base we are watching the footage and reading the news disgusted by the international response. You would think we would be used to it by now, but when things like this happen and the truth is so clear, we do not understand why the international media seems set against us, seems determined to present this story in the worst way possible. We do not understand how, no matter how carefully we tread, we somehow always end up the bad guys. Terrorism we can deal with, but changing international regard for Israel feels like fighting a losing battle. 

I took a teaching class on base this week and part of our final exam included preparing a lesson plan and teaching the class for twenty-minutes. I was understandably nervous about having to teach a group of 20 officers in Hebrew, but as we were allowed to teach on whatever topic interested me, I chose to speak about an area where I have some experience- immigration. I discussed the mass immigrations to Israel and the hardships that immigrants face while trying to be absorbed into Israeli society. I discussed the groups that came to live a better life (Russians and Argentinians), those that ran from persecution (Arab Jews and Ethiopians) and anti-semitism (French), and those that left forward-thinking free countries for idealogical reasons (North Americans). I closed my lesson by stressing the importance of being an active part of our Jewish future, the responsibility that each one of us has to be a part of building a better future for Am Yisrael (the Israeli nation).

Israel was created to be a safe haven for Jews everywhere, but today we need to be more. There are so many divisions among us as a nation, whether it is the religious vs the secular, the religious vs the less or more religious, the liberals vs the conservatives and so on. There are times when I feel that we are so divided and so busy fighting each other that we have forgotten why we are here. Because Israel is more than a sanctuary, it is a home for a nation that has been dispersed for almost two thousand years. And a home is not just a place to sleep. It is a place to connect to your family, to prepare yourself for your future, and to find the strength of self to take on the next day. This past week, Israel has felt like a home, because in the face of adversity, we have put aside our differences and stood up to protect our family. 

Whether you are a zionist or not, a Jew or not, an Israeli or not, I hope that you know what sort of future you are helping build. It is so easy to get caught up in the ups and downs of our personal lives. And it is understandable. My life is my world and the things you might deem insignificant can be life-changing for me. But remember that you are a part of a greater world, and that you have a responsibility, as an individual and as a part of humanity, to be actively working towards creating a better future. 

Whew. Sorry about the intensity. It was that kind of week. Ill bring you some light-hearted humor next time.

Brain-tired should be a term

I apologize if I fail to formulate thoughts or sentences. I think my brain has finally stormed out in frustration with the hoops I have made it run through this week.

It started on Sunday, when I went back to my base for the first time since my Shmirot (guard duty). I decided to go and talk to the Rabbi on base about what happened to me on Shabbat. We ended up having a 40-min discussion that upset me for the rest of the day. The argument that he made, which I actually respect, is that just because I don't agree with their interpretation of halacha, does not mean that I cannot respect it. They were not trying to offend me, they were trying to follow the laws as they understand them. My counterargument, which the Rabbi did hear and agree with me, is that the army is not Mea Shearim, and while I might have to live by their standards of halacha when on their territory, their job when they come to base for Shabbat is to bring a Shabbat environment to all the soldiers. And while they were more than willing to accept men at any level of religious observance, they were not accepting of women at all. He agreed with me and said he would talk to the yeshiva that sent them, but there was an attitude of acceptance that really upset me. I remained upset when I returned to my office and ended up getting caught crying by my co-workers. And what I found is that even among the non-religious, there is an attitude of complacence towards the ultra-religious. One of the girls in my office had actually been in a car that had been stoned on Shabbat, and still, she treats me and other religious Jews with respect and understanding. 

When I moved here I thought it would be so much easier to be religious. And in a way, it is. I will never have to worry about working on Shabbat, I will never have to arrange my course schedule's around the Jewish holidays. My children will grow up in an environment where they wont be embarrassed to be shomer negiyah and learning Torah can be cool. But as I learn more and more about the religious world here, I find that it is much harder to accept the religious attitudes and divisions here. Ignoring the stereotypes and misconceptions and negative attitudes dividing the religious and non-religious, the way the religious people turn against each other and judge each other... it embarrasses me. We do not respect each other and we judge others for not practicing Judaism the way that we do. We categorize everyone by the way they dress and how often they pray and what type of kippah they wear. And it pains me. It pains me to be disrespected and it pains me to see how we treat each other. I came to a place where I could raise my children surrounded by their nation, by a Jewish family, and I find myself rejected by the very people that I consider my "family".

Sorry, I have rambled on again about a subject that is important to me, but somewhat dreary and depressing. I will move on to the next obstacle my brain faced this week.

On Tuesday I took an "occupational exam" that tested my strengths and will supposedly tell me what I am good at and where I should work. I mean I could have told them that I am not good at math and physics without sitting through a few hours of testing, but it was kind of fun to challenge my brain. I haven't done arithmetic without a calculator in over 5 years, so that was interesting. Plus there was a fun part of the exam that tested creativity and I enjoyed that part. But it was a full day exam and my brain was hurting by the end.

On Wednesday I went to Haifa to learn more about the creative therapies Master's program I am interested in. I spoke to the not so nice secretary and a few of the students and then embarked on a two-day frenzy in which I attempted to register for four online classes that I need to have finished by October in order to start the program in the fall. It was intense. I failed. So I will now be taking the next year to complete these four classes and apply for Fall 2011. Which means I am going to have to get a job. But Im not there yet. As I said, my brain has retired for the weekend, and there is no bringing her back until she's ready.

Thank God for Shabbat. 

My hairdresser tells me to eat more red meat

It appears that even my most epic emails are small tidbits compared to the novels that Dov Lerner writes. Ah well, Im okay with that. And Im sure y'all prefer the shorter versions. Lucky for you, this week was incredibly uneventful compared to last week.

Basically, there was Shavuot and then a day off where I did not know what to do with myself and then it was Friday. Sweet.

Points of interest included:

1. I sadly said goodbye to my friend Ari who headed back to the States after cruelly allowing me to become accustomed to his presence here. (Ari, I dont really think you are cruel, I am just going to miss having you here with me.) Another one bites the dust (and by "bites the dust" I mean "moves to NY").

2. David and Davida are back!! They ran off to India for like, ever/ five months, but have finally returned home (to a new half caravan in Alon Shvut) and I am happy. 

3. After failing to accomplish anything yesterday, I was feeling drastic and chopped off all my hair. Enjoy the pics.

That was pretty much it. How wonderfully uneventful, right?

Longest week ever or I hate flies and Sephardi men

"Anything one thinks about alot becomes problematic". 

So said Nietzsche, whose name is annoying to pronounce and spell, but was very right in this matter, as I learned this week. Because this week I did alot of thinking. Due to intense and overwhelming boredom. (Boredom, by the way, is one of those words like "eloquent" that fits its definition perfectly). I thought circles around the big problems in my life like grad school and boys. I delved into some more depressing subjects like living the rest of my life in a different country than my family and wondering whether I will ever be able to yell back at people in Hebrew. I pondered on the small pleasures in life like a breeze when its freaking hot and the wonderful canteen worker who brought me treats every time she went through the gate I was guarding. I spent an unusually large amount of time thinking about inane subjects like Oconomowoc, WI (where my magazines are made) and how the reality of ants in your pants is not as funny as it sounds. In fact, it got to the point where I actually ran out of things to space out about. I finally understand what Ari and Ayton were talking about when they told me that sometimes, boys really just aren't thinking about anything at all. 

So why all the free thinking time? Because all I did this week was guard and sleep. Which unfortunately cannot be done at the same time. Other things that you are not allowed to do on guard duty:

- Eat (which I did repeatedly after my first shift when I apparently complained to so many people that I was hungry that the rest of the week they all brought me food.) 

- Talk on the phone (which I also did repeatedly because COME ON! I was guarding from 2-6 am and in clear danger of falling asleep. Plus, it was ideal talking to America time. Shout out to Yael Skversky who once again proved her awesomeness by calling me every night this week)

 -Listen to music (although singing is allowed, as well as listening to the other guards sing) 

- Sitting at the same time that the other guard is sitting (which only ever proved to be a problem with Maxim, who insisted on sitting on the curb/floor/desk and leading me to play this "jump up every time he sits down" game. Which was not fun)

- Reading/writing/praying (all of which I did anyway)

- Smoking (which I did not do, but got on the good side of my fellow guards by covering for them when they did)

(Please dont let this change your opinion of how hard the Israeli army is working. It is obviously a very efficient and well run institution.)

When I wasnt guarding (I did 6 hrs on, 6 hrs off, 4 hrs on, 7 hrs off), it was eat, pray, sleep (less exciting than the more popular "eat, pray, love"). Shabbat was the only change in this. I had to close Shabbat on base (my first since Basic Training) and was less than thrilled about that, but at least I did not have to do the 6 hour day shift, because that gate was closed on the weekend. As I have mentioned before, it is not so easy to be a religious girl in the army, so I was kind of nervous about spending Shabbat on base, but I was going to be able to make it to synagogue and my one friend on base (outside of my office) was also closing Shabbat, so I tried to be optimistic. 

That kinda went down the crapper on Friday when I was called and yelled at because the logic I had been using- my gate is closed, thus I have no guard duty- was wrong. I was supposed to be at the other gate from 12:30 to 6:30 pm. I didnt get in trouble (probably as a result of my fumbling Hebrew as I tried to explain that there were alot of things I had missed in our 20 min "Welcome to Guard Duty" lecture) but this did mean that I was getting off duty 30 min before Shabbat started. I managed to shower, made it to shul, and had the pleasure of company in the women's section. 

Dinner was gross and I got questioned for making my own kiddush, but I sat with my friend Chen and her friends and it wasnt too bad. Then Chen decided to slip off base and go home because she was sick of being on base and I was left alone :( Since I had to wake up at 2am to go guard, I made the best of the situation and went to bed. I read the parsha while I guarded, and went to Shacrit (morning services) afterward. I was the only woman there and after we had finished one of the guys invited me to come with them to say kiddush. It was pretty awkward as I didnt know any of them and no one really talked to me, but I had an impromptu lunch with about ten guys and the two rabbinical students who were brought to the base to bring a Shabbaty-environment with them. After my nap I went back to synagogue for Mincha (afternoon prayer) and planned on staying for Seudah Shlishit (dinner) and Maariv (evening prayer). There was one other woman at Mincha and I asked her to stay with me as lunch was kind of awkward. 

This was the worst part of my entire Shabbat. Long story short, the rabbinical students would not let us sit at the same table as the men for dinner. They claimed that it was immodest for us to eat together, told me that they shouldnt have let me sit with them for lunch, and said that if we wanted to stay, we would have to sit at another table on the side. I would like to say that I argued with them, showing my fluency in the language and my superior knowledge of Halacha, teaching them an important lesson about including women in the community. But what really ended up happening was that I became more angry and more upset, lost all my Hebrew, started crying and couldnt get out anything stronger than "You are wrong. This is wrong". 

I have never, NEVER been asked to eat a different table, and I have eaten with countless Rabbis and even a few Charedim. These men were brought to base to help the soldiers connect with Shabbat and feel the Kedusha (holiness) of the day even when they are surrounded by people who are not keeping Shabbat. I have kept Shabbat in a house full of Christians, in a hotel by myself, and out in the woods. This was by far my worst Shabbat ever. The very people I had been depending on to help me feel Shabbat rejected me and sent me off to the side as if I was something dirty and impure. As if my presence contaminated them. 

I limped through my last two shifts and thanked God when Sunday morning came around and I got to hand in my gun, change out of my stinking uniform and head out on a two day trip with everyone in my office. I was exhausted and emotionally drained, but everyone else was very excited and the feeling spread. I totally failed to sleep in the car on the way north as I sat next to Shachaf, who reminded me oh so much of my little brothers. He tapped me every three minutes because he was bored (Barak), sang the Hebrew version of "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves" (Rafi), tried to get everyone in the car to play a game with him (Barak) and tried to start a fight with me by telling me that we should just kill all the Arabs (Rafi). In fact, he reminded me so much of our old family roadtrips that I just laughed at him and taught him the english version of the song. 

When we got up North it was stiflingly hot but we very quickly changed into swimwear and headed out on a 2 hour inflatable kayaking trip. We were paired into boats and I ended up with Boris. (Not quite sure how this happened, but there is a running joke now that we are going to get married. Im really hoping he doesnt take it too seriously.) I successfully attacked three other boats, but Boris was a very bad partner and kept abandoning me in the water. Its not totally his fault, since I kept launching myself into the water and he doesnt really understand how to row, but still. Came out soaking and exhausted and had a great time.

At this point my mother expects me to insert a long rant about the beach where we (for some god-forsaken reason) decided to spend the night. It was to include a section about disgusting Israelis who leave their garbage everywhere with a special focus on the dried up chicken bones all over the beach, and then lead onto a long winded complaint about the horrible heat and lack of western wimps (I mean wind, but it is a joke for my dad). And I was going to conclude the whole thing with a rant about the flies that almost drove me to insanity (Oh the flies! The flies!!). But soon after I hung up with my mother the sun set, the flies went away and the four bottles of water I had chugged finally fought off the affects of dehydration. Then my commander came back from the hospital (he had jammed his finger kayaking and was afraid it was broken), we started barbequing, setup a generator and a DVD player (because who doesnt bring all the props for karaoke when they go camping on the beach?) and sang and ate and danced into the odd hours of the night. We were all filthy and sweaty and gross, but the flies were gone (seriously, they were ALL OVER us before) and everyone started being their less-exhausted ridiculous selves so we had a good time. I went to bed at 4 after telling Boris I was sorry, but just really couldnt stay up all night with him, and we all woke up around 7. 

We booked it out of there the next morning as the flies had returned and headed out to the next part of our trip- Jeeping. It was kind of cool, but mostly just driving down unnecessarily bumpy roads in a part of Israel that used to be Syria. Lots of driving and waiting for buses later I got home, walked straight into the shower and started the process of feeling like a person again.