Gaf Ohad was in My House!

There were many things that I accomplished this week. Like an expedition to my bank that included lying bus drivers, and driving the wrong way down a one-way street. Like discovering the most disgusting smell in existence because I clean up after lazy rich people. Like seeing Shakespeare at the Jerusalem Theater (Macbeth is totally messed up). BUT the best part of the whole week was my Mesibat Shicrur (Release Party) last night. 

Elodie and I

My friend Elodie and I made aliyah at the same time, went to ulpan together, both decided to volunteer for the army, went through basic training together, and both ended up in the Air Force. So, of course, it was only natural that we throw this socially required party together. We invited our group of lone soldier friends and all my friends from the neighborhood, but it was clearly going to be a very American party. That is until half the guys from my office showed up, including my two commanders! I had invited them, but since they all like almost an hour away and knew this was going to be a very english-speaking party, I did not actually expect anyone to come. 

But come they did, bearing beer and presents (they gave me a big collage of army pictures, and then one of me and Alon, because they know how much I obsess over him). And then, like the wonderful people that they are, they came in and became the life of the party. They heckled Mia all through the embarrassingly sweet speech she gave about me, became best friends with David (Davida's husband) the only other Hebrew speaker there, and had a blast talking to all the different lone soldiers. They are all ridiculous people, and sitting with them in my home as they laughed and joked and did all their usual shtuyot (um, jokes? ridiculousness? I dont know how to translate this word), well they just made the party for me. It meant so much to me that they came.

Gaf Ohad

I am still smiling about it. I know I have said it time and again, but these people really made everything I went through in the past year worth it. I wish y'all could meet these amazing people, and that they could meet you! Guess pictures will have to do though...

The Joys of Being a Civilian

Sorry I am sending this one a little late. I was working on Friday and did not have time.

Did she say working? I thought she was on vacation and enjoying doing nothing!

As it turns out. Doing nothing can get really boring. And it causes your butt to fall asleep. So this past week I found all sorts of wonderful things to DO that I could not/ did not do when I was a soldier. These included:

1. Sleeping In. It only took about two days to untrain my body from getting up at 6:30 am and I can now happily sleep until 11. The only bad side effects are some very weird morning dreams and an occasionally missed morning prayer.
2. Going to see Art. Jojo and I went on a wonderful hike through the concrete jungle of Jerusalem and ended up at the new and improved Israel Museum, where, after a mostly boring "archeological" tour, we got to look at art and have a long heated debate about what that means. It was lovely :)
3. Learn Torah. Not only did I get to have my weekly learning session with my friend Ophra, but we also went to a shiur (lecture) on Abraham and why God chose to speak to him. 
4. Make Money. I have started working as a cleaning lady, and with the three jobs I had this past week, made more money than I made in a month as a soldier. Cleaning is tiring, but I like it well enough and it makes way more money than babysitting. Still a pittance compared to what I would make in America, but it is good enough for me.
5. Enjoy Strange Israeli Cultural Events. Like the Jerusalem Renaissance Festival. As a big fan of the Maryland Renfest, I had high expectations, but aside from the coolness of getting to go through the Christian quarter of the old city, it was mostly a bunch of Israelis dressed up and acting like crazy people. There was a fire-thrower and some contortionists as well as a man with a pretty cool music box. But it is kind of weird to hear knights fake fighting while insulting each other in Hebrew. AND there were NO turkey legs or funnel cakes! What is the point of a Renfest in Israel if they dont have those foods I have been drooling over for years?

Otherwise, it was a pretty chill week. Boris called to tell me he missed me. I got to hang out with alot of different friends, and I am actually enjoying cooking for myself and eating good healthy food! (well maybe not always healthy, but I try sometimes).

One last army story-השחרור

When I came back to Israel after my visit in America, I was met with a stack of paperwork that the army wanted me to sign. Apparently they had written down the date I left America as the date I arrived in Israel and thus had miscalculated my vacation days. I was one day short. So, the army made me sign up for an extra day of service to make up for. Annoying, but okay.

This meant that instead of Sunday, October 17th, I was going to be released on Monday, October 18th. No biggie, right?

Your last day in the army you come in in civilian clothes, bring all the stuff the army has given you, and go through a "check-out" process at all the various offices on base (clinic, field office, education, etc.). Most people host a "shtiya" and bring in some cakes and drinks and have a little goodbye party. I was all set to do these things on Monday.

Well I showed up on Sunday to base, ready to enjoy my last real day in the office, as a soldier, in uniform. Around noon, I was sitting in the canteen enjoying lunch with my friends (compliments of Boris, who was very distraught with the fact that this was my last lunch at the canteen). When we get a call from the Misrad Harishum (sort of like the front office of the base) asking where I was and how come I had not started my clearance ("check-out"). We all kind of laughed, and said "What are you talking about? She gets out tomorrow!". After a lengthy discussion in which they told me that I would be considered a deserter if I did not finish my clearance TODAY, we went to find my commander. 

There was many a phone call, many a "What do you mean she gets out TODAY?", and quite a few moments of laughter and comments on how, of course, this would happen to me, it was discovered that the Misrad Tash, who had made me sign up for an extra day of service, had then forgotten to file the paperwork and it was never processed. So now, I am on base, in uniform with none of my stuff and being told I have to leave the army TODAY or I will be considered a deserter.

There was a brief plan in which we were going to drive back to Jerusalem (a 40 min car ride, 2 hour bus ride) to get my stuff, but by the time 3 o'clock rolled around, we still had no car and there was no way that we would make it back in time. So in one of those amazing feats that my commander can accomplish, they let me sign that I had given back all of my stuff without giving back anything. Boris, the sweetheart, and I then frantically ran around the base getting all the signatures needed for my clearance and by 5 o'clock I was officially no longer a soldier. Though I still left in uniform.

Boris, Roi, and Almog

And then I had to come back the next day, just to give back all my stuff. Although, it did mean I got to sit around in civilian clothes and watch Shachaf work for a change. 

What an incredibly appropriate ending to my army service.

Lihi and I

Home, Alon

Lordy, it has been so long! And so much happened! (Wait, did it? Shoot, how far back do I have to think now?). Okay, we are going to do this in two parts. I will even color code.

I choose this color for America because America is green. It is also big, thus the easy-to-read font size.

America was awesome. Pretty much all of my pictures are of Alon, and I think I could have spent a whole month with just him (and a month's supply of mommy-milk) and been happy. It was a wonderfully family-filled trip, and while I did not get to see all of you (and am kind of bummed out about that) I have to say, it was a much needed vacation with much-missed people. I got to spend a good amount of time with my sister and brother in law (Hey Ez, did I tell you that in Hebrew you are my Geese. Yup, not only is it shorter than the English but it makes you a bird) and got to watch them becoming parents. And I got to spend time with my brothers and participate in their college experience (okay, so its not so different from mine, but still) and I got to spend quality time with both of my parents. I got to do all the family things like fighting and crying and laughing and teasing and shooting and cooking. And I got to finish the painting project I started last year that no one bothered to finish!

So all in all, I had a really good time. Such a good time, in fact, that when the time came to leave I didnt want to. Which kind of worried me. Enough that I stayed awake my whole flight watching movies so I didnt have to think about anything. Also because there were alot of good movies. 

I choose this color for Israel because it is kind of the color that everything is right now. And I have bolded it because people here yell alot. 

Anyway, once I landed in Israel and had a nice fight with the driver that took me home, I started to feel happy to be back. Driving into Jerusalem will always make me happy, even if I have only been away for a few hours. A few of my friends came over to greet me, all the guys from my office called me to welcome me back and I was surrounded by much love and sushi. I had a few days off to unpack and recover from jet lag, and then I went to Kibbutz Ein Tzurim for a very good Yom Kippur. Yes, we prayed for 7 hours, had a 45 min break and then went back for the last 3 hours, but there was so much good energy there. We sang our prayers and everyone was so present! It was more joyful and mournful and I think that is actually okay for the Day of Judgement. Because after all, we are not perfect and we hopefully all just spent ten days thinking about what we did wrong and how we want to be better. And this day, this is the day to tell Hashem how much we love Him and pray for mercy. It was a very loving environment and I had a really meaningful Yom Kippur as a result.

On Sunday I headed back to base for the first time. I was met with big hugs and exclamations of how much they had missed me and then the inevitable annoying paperwork because the army or I confused something along the way. Long story short, I had to sign on to serve one extra day because someone wrote down the dates of my trip wrong.. I then went home to deal with the University where I am trying to take some classes next semester and was met with more incompetence and misunderstandings. I experienced that again when I went to try to get my phone fixed and got home with an overwhelming desire for my mother. 

And this is Israel. This juxtaposition of moments that are so frustrating and hair-wrenching that they make you say "What the hell am I doing here?!?" and moments that are so liberating and exhilarating that you think "Wow, I am so lucky to be a part of this." I got a ride the other day from a woman who made aliyah fourteen years ago and was still overjoyed with the fact that she lives in ISRAEL. I listened to her go on about how lucky and happy she is to be here and I hoped that twelve years from now I will still be that excited. Because it is HARD. It is so freaking hard sometimes when you just cant say what you want to say or do what you need to do because you dont know how or it doesn't exist, or if it does you don't know how to find it! So I don't know why I am still happy to be back. Why, like every Israeli I know, there comes a point after all that frustration and yelling that I can take a deep breath and say "It will all work out" and believe it. 

I think you do have to be crazy to live here. I certainly feel like I am sometimes.

I'M AN AUNT!!!!!

Who cares what else happened this week? MY SISTER HAD A BABY!!!!!

This Wednesday, August 4th (Barack Obama's birthday), my amazing and wonderful sister, Shoshana, gave birth to my brawny (8.4 lbs!) and beautiful new nephew. And she did it without any drugs. (Setting a really high bar for me, but I think I have some time before I have to worry about that one.)
She is understandably exhausted but headed home from the hospital today with the little one. My fantastic brother-in-law, Ez has been fielding all my questions and endless phonecalls and taking amazing care of my sister. My mom is headed up to NY to join them on Sunday and then everyone but me will be there for the Brit Milah (circumcision) and naming on Wednesday. Oh, lordy, I cant wait to meet him!!!

I got home from base on Wednesday and found an email saying that Shosh had gone into labor. My roommate laughed at me as I ran around the apartment screaming for like five minutes and then sat down and start to worry about them. That wasnt so good for me, but thankfully I had plans to go to the wine festival with my friend Elodie. So we headed over to the Israel Museum, bought a 60 shek wine glass, and then proceeded to be really classy and taste all sorts of fancy Israeli wine. Every 30 minutes or so we would try to check my email on Elodie's phone, but not much was happening and I was getting more and more nervous and excited. (A side point about the nervousness: I understand that childbirth these days is pretty safe, and my sister definitely has the hips for it, but there is still so much that can go wrong! And its painful! And I worry. So thus, the nervousness). Anyway, towards the end of the festival I had tried about 8 different Shiraz's (mmm I love that wine) and an excellent Gerwsomethingorother, and, shall we say, a few other wines, and had just run into some friends who were generously sharing their cheese-sampler plate with me when Elodie checked her phone and yelled "Kfi, theres a mail from your mom!". I, in a totally mannerly in polite way, grabbed the phone from her, opened the mail and proceeded to scream like a 13 year old girl. And jump up and down. Alot. Anyway, as soon as my screams became coherent "OH MY GOD IM AN AUNT MY SISTER HAD A BABY BOY!!!!!", my friends started to jump up and down with me, we all refilled our wineglasses and made everyone in the area l'chaim with us to my new nephew :)
At this point I wanted to get home and call my family, so we headed out, stopping at a few booths for some more l'chaims on the way, and then I practically skipped through the park, calling everyone in Israel and forcing them to l'chaim to my new nephew with me. I would like to put in the disclaimer that those calls WERE NOT drunk dials. I was drunk on happiness, I tell you, HAPPINESS!

Anyway, I am not positively ITCHING to get home, I cannot wait to:
1) meet my new nephew,
2) see my sister and tell her in person how amazing it is that she made a little person,
3) Call my parents "Grampa" and "Bubbe"
4) watch my brother-in-law imitate his offspring's "poop-faces"
5) oh just look at him and hold him and touch his tiny little baby hands and feet and fall absolutely and totally in love with him.

I CANT WAIT TO COME HOME!!!!!

Countdown to Vacation

So I realized I have been kind of lame lately and not really putting so much effort into these posts. I mean, I forgot to mention my birthday! Really? Thats just sad. Anyway, I apologize for that and have taken special time today to try to make this email more exciting and interesting than the past few weeks.

 

We'll start with this past Shabbat, which was a flurry of social activity. Rafi was with me for Shabbat and I hosted another 14 people for dinner. It was loud and hot, but the food was great and the company greater. This theme continued Shabbat day when we went to my friend Jay's and had a giant delicious lunch and hung out there most of the rest of the day.

 

Sunday night was Tu B'Av, the Jewish festival in which young single ladies used to dress up in white dresses and go dancing in the hills so that young single Jewish men could grab them and take them home to be their wives (kinda weird story, but have you ever actually read about St. Valentine?). Today it is treated like the Israeli Valentine's Day. So, in very modern fashion, I went out dancing with my single lady friends (no white dresses- I mean really? Who owns a white dress?). Stayed up way too late and was totally pooped the next day, but it was worth it. Or at least it was until Shachaf started arguing politics with me and I was ganged up on my all the crazy-ass leftists in my office. So I spent most of Monday hiding in the computer room so I wouldnt have to go over ONCE AGAIN, why the disengagement from Gaza clearly didnt work.

 

Anyway, Tuesday I got the super exciting job of updating the airplane manuals (read: going thrugh 20+ binders and replacing random pages), which of course I got to do with Shachaf. This man is apparently not used to going to school, because I managed to do 18 binders in the time it took him to do 4. This may be explained by the fact that he was way to busy complaining about the army and saying things that made me want to strangle him.

 

So, needless to say, by Wednesday I needed a vacation, and since Rafi is leaving on Sunday I took the day off to hang out with him. We were planning on hiking from Jerusalem to the neighboring city of Mevasseret Zion (where our family lived when we were little), but ended up not quite making it. This was due to the fact that we started our hike in Lifta, an arab village in the valley next to Jeruslaem that was abandoned in 1948. Today it is sort of a national park, but they havent renovated or restored anything, and the place is kind of a dump. There is a maayan/pool there where lots of people go to swim, but the part that interested me and Rafi was the old houses. There are dozens of old crumbling Arab houses that were clearly beautiful back in the day. Now they are falling apart and have trees growing in the middle (and in some cases homeless people living there), but Rafi and I spent a great 2-3 hours wandering about and exploring the houses. We couldnt stay too long as I had a wedding that night, but it was enough to get a sunburn and some great pictures (which I will have to attach in the next email).

 

 

Thursday was a half-day so again, Rafi and I hung out (the lazy bum slept until 2PM!!). We headed to Efrat to see my fam and stayed up way too late hanging out with them. We are going to Alon Shvut, the neighboring settlement where my friends David and Davida live and spending Shabbat with them.

I wandered through a forest of miniature trees on pedestals (this is not a metaphor)

I was just looking at the list of people I send this to every week and it made me feel and warm and fuzzy inside to think about how you all want to know what is going on in my life, even when it isnt very exciting. So thanks. 

This weeks highlights included:

1. Me actually doing something in the army.

2. Watching F-16's take off. From 30 ft away.

3. Seeing people I have not seen in a long time.

4. Pancakes.

Number 1- On Tuesday, Lihi (the other english teacher) had a doctor's appointment and needed someone to sub for her. So I got to teach her class (of two) for the day. We covered all the material by lunch time and did Wednesday's test- which they both did well on. Lihi was kind of shocked, which was a little insulting, but not worth starting more teenage drama (which is running rampant these days) in the office.

Number 2- On Monday, we sort of snuck Rafi on to my base, dressed him up in a jumpsuit and let him hang out in my office all day. Everyone was kind of scared to take him too close to the planes (since he wasnt really supposed to be there) until my commander came back to the office, shuffled us into his car, drove us out to the runway and let us watch the planes take off. You could feel the heat from the engines. It was super cool. and loud. but mostly cool. Everyone really liked him and wants me to bring him back to visit again. Abba, if you come visit there would be so many cool things they would let you see!!

Number 3- This week I got to go out to dinner with a friend of mine visiting from America (she even brought me a present!) and went to see Toy Story 3 (SOOOO GOOD) with a friend of mine who lives here, but I never see her anyway. So that was lovely.

Number 4- I had pancakes for breakfast today. It was exciting.

I know, I know, Im ranking pancakes next to F-16's. But I stand by them. These were the highlights of my week and sometimes, all you really need to make your day are some damn fine pancakes.