In the words of the great sage, Noam

"Nizrom" is one of the most important words I have learned while living in Israel. It means "to flow" but is generally used as "just go with it". It is helpful when you get lost or, more importantly, when you just don't know where you are going. As I nervously await news from U of Haifa and try not to worry about my life plan, I find myself frequently muttering "Nizrom" to myself and trying to shake off my stress. Though really, it is an attitude that is just crucial to living here.

For instance, on Sunday I went hiking in Ein Gedi with my friends Rami and Krystel, who were here on vacation. First we got on a bus with the craziest driver I have ever met. He rushed us all on to the bus as if he wasn't 20 minutes early telling us we could pay him later. Then, when I went up to pay him while he was driving like a maniac through the desert, his bus ticket machine was broken and he took my money without giving me a ticket. I later found out that he overcharged us. We ended up getting off at the wrong stop and found ourselves at a spa next to the Dead Sea- but alright, Nizrom. We caught another bus back and managed to start out hike just as the sun was at it's peak. Now there are two ways (that I know of) to hike Ein Gedi. The first is to go in through the entrance and wander up some waterfalls to more waterfalls and then back again. The second is to climb up the mountain a bit, then some more, then wander through the dry shade-less planes, through the dry boiling wadi and eventually down to those nice fresh waterfalls. We, of course, did the second one. Our hike alternated between near death and amazingness. We climbed up the side of a desert mountain at noon, which wasn't the brightest idea, and I, at least, nearly got heatstroke (do you "get" heatstroke? are there varying levels of heatstroke? I am rather uninformed on this subject). We eventually found some shade and had some lunch and then climbed down the dry wadi to the most beautiful view of the lush waterfalls below and the Dead Sea beyond. However, we could only see the waterfalls, and at about this point, we ran out of water (I know, very bad planning on our part). So we climbed back out of the wadi and eventually stumbled upon a stream which we deemed clean enough to drink from by using the very advanced method of looking at the water. (It's okay, it was totally safe to drink, we found out later.) This got us through the last dry stretch until we got to the waterfalls at the bottom and fell in. That part was heaven. And the truth is, at the end, it was an amazing hike, because I was with two people who just took everything in stride- as American as they may be, they've got the "Nizrom" mentality down pat.

The rest of the week felt wonderfully usual. I worked during the day, hung out with friends at night, got a sufficient amount of things done on my "To Do" list, and had some down time to read my book (it's in Hebrew!). It felt stable, and home-like, which is a really good for me in a time when I feel like my life is so up in the air. But, yalla, Nizrom.

Sometimes I have delayed emotional reactions

Do you ever cruise along on supreme confidence until the moment when you need it most and you suddenly find yourself overwhelmingly nervous?

Well that is pretty much what happened to me when I went to Haifa for my interview this week. Though I have known that nothing was official and keep meaning to come up with a Plan B, I have not actually done that because deep down inside I was pretty confident that I would have no problem getting into this Master's program. I even tried to get nervous the night before because I felt like I should be, but couldn't quite get it. Even though my bus took 45 minutes and I was nearly late, I was still doing okay. That is until I sat down with the other 15 women who had been called for this interview and eavesdropped on their conversation. Which was all about how hard it is to get into the art therapy program and how many of them were there for the second year, having been rejected the year before. Oh, great.

Of course, at the moment the three professors (also women- apparently no men are interested in art therapy) who would be interviewing us came in. The interview would be split into two parts- an individual project and a group project- both with the objective of drawing a picture that represents what art therapy means. I had a pretty good idea for the individual part, creating what is called a "Feelings Map" that allows you to chart out your various emotions and their interactions without having to find the words for it. This is a big part of art therapy- expression without words, so I thought this was a great idea. That is, until we all reconvened to talk about out drawings and I realized I did not have that much to say. This was further aggravated by the fact that I had to go second and had stupidly been thinking in English this whole time. So I fumbled through a short explanation of my drawing and then proceeded to feel more and more stupid as I listened to these Israelis all say things that sounded really smart and well worded in Hebrew. Ugh.

So when we were split into three groups, I was determined to show the professor monitoring us that I was not a total nincompoop and was in fact capable of speaking Hebrew. I think I actually did pretty well on this one, in terms of working with the group and standing out as the spectacular individual that I am. I also approached the professors afterwards to explain that, though my Hebrew may not be perfect, I will work very hard to make sure it is not a problem. They did not seem at all concerned about my Hebrew, but I left feeling rather nervous regardless.

This was the last step to being accepted, so I will hopefully know within a few weeks. I guess I should thank my odd mental state for at least waiting until now to let me get nervous. At least its only a few weeks, right?

I have also started looking for apartments in Haifa. I am at that point where I would really like to unpack. And have a home. And feel grounded. But as that will not be happening for a few more months, I will throw myself into planning my Italy trip as a distraction.

This week I met a man named Nissim Issim and was the only one in the room who thought it was funny

This week I decided to spice things up a bit and went to work in a doctor's office. To be more precise, my adopted dad's secretary was out for the week so I filled in for her. Originally I was a little scared. Mostly of the phone. I developed a serious fear of answering the phone while I was in the army. I was sure that something really important would happen, like us going to war or getting bombed by Iraq, and they would call to tell us to do something really important, and I would answer the phone. But of course, they would talk really fast and then hang up and I wouldn't know what had just happened and other dramatic events would ensue and we would lose the war all because I didn't understand what they said when I answered the phone. Given, this is an eye doctor's office, and not the Israeli Air Force (not that anything that occurred in my office would affect the outcome of a war. I hope.) but I was still rather nervous. But I was bored, unemployed, and he really needed the help. Plus, he believed I could do it, so I had to believe it to. As it turns out, most of his patients speak English. But really, I had 20 or so conversations in Hebrew and I was fine and apparently did not forget everything I know in the 5 months I was in America. Go me!

This was, however, a one week gig. BUT I did get another job working as a full time babysitter starting next week. I am taking over for my friend Shoshana since she is going to America for a month. The kid is adorable (though not as cute as Alon) and about 8 months old. His parents are awesome, and though the days will be rather long I am thinking of it as another opportunity to empathize with my sister. Shosh, we will have to swap "how to entertain a baby in the summer" ideas. (Or "how to entertain myself while watching a baby" ideas.)

I do now feel like my life has returned to the hectic state I prefer. It would be nice if there was some type of middle ground, but it the activity level in my life seems to be on an "all or nothing" scale. In addition to working, I regained my social skills this week and spent some quality time with friends I hadn't seen yet. This included getting spit up on by my friend's son, sitting on a street corner for 3 hours, and discovering that my favorite bar no longer serves all the foods that made it my favorite bar (these events did not occur at the same time), but all in all they were good experiences. I also got to go on an unofficial tour of Ein Kerem which was like discovering this secret little part of Jerusalem. There was bougainvillea everywhere and all these little secret gardens and nooks (I love nooks) interspersed with beautiful churches and cute little cafes. And apparently, in 1948 when all the Arabs left this neighborhood, the government was just giving the houses away to new immigrants. If only, if only!

In other news, my summer trip to Italy plans are actually being planned! (IN YOUR FACE EZ! This is one Kfi plan that will come to fruition!) I have found a farm in Tuscany run by an artist and a balloon pilot and will be there for two weeks at the end of August. I am super psyched because they are awesome. Now I just need to figure out what I will be doing the rest of the time I am in Italy and where I will be staying. All friends who have been to Italy: feel free to advise at this point. Also, there is an open invite out to join me! Art, farming, and Italy! What's not to like??

Anyway I will get going now. I am going to Haifa for Shabbat so that I can meet new people and hopefully find someone looking for a roommate. Still assuming I get in of course. I was called for a first round interview in a few weeks, so lets hope they see how amazing I am.

Life as a lazy bum

It is a good thing that this week contained a Jewish holiday. Otherwise I would have been really bored. Really, I should know this by now, but I don't do well with long transition periods. I much prefer to go directly from one thing to another. However, I forgot this and did not even bother to look for jobs before I got to Israel, telling myself that I would take a week or two to adjust and do my job searching then. Really though, I should only give myself a day or two because after that I start getting antsy.

Given, my summer job options aren't really so hot. Since I am planning on traveling starting mid-August, I am really only looking for work for 2 months. That basically leaves you with waitressing, babysitting, and cleaning. I have already discovered that I do not enjoy working in restaurants. Plus, the only way to make any money doing that is to work for a fancy one and they are unlikely to hire me for such a short time. Babysitting is also problematic. Unlike in America, where I could charge $15-$20 an hour, here the average rate is 25-35 shek- about $6-$8. So we are back to cleaning. A job that is doable for short periods of time and makes twice as much as babysitting. However, I have run into a short hitch. I responded to a few ads on a local craigslist-esque site and have had a few calls in return. Then a man called me asking when I was available etc, normal cleaning questions. Until he asked if I would clean in the nude. (No, it was not a joke). I of course freaked out, yelled, hung up, and then stood in shock for a few minutes before ranting on about disgusting men. And then this creepy image keeps flashing back into my head, and aside from being a totally weird and disgusting request- who the hell would want to clean with no clothes on?!?- it also has made me rather wary about advertising online and having to deal with pervs. So I am going back to babysitting. It may not pay as well, but the chances of being asked to do it naked are nonexistent (I sincerely hope). Also, I have some leads on babysitting jobs so I would not have to advertise online.

Anyway, then Shavuot came around and I could stop worrying about boredom/source of income for a bit. Shavuot is the holiday where we celebrate receiving the Torah. There are two big ways of celebrating: cheesecake and staying up all night learning. I am not really such a fan of either ("She doesn't like cheesecake?!?"), so I was not really sure how I would be celebrating. Luckily my friends Avi and Chama were hosting a small "let's sit around and eat cheesecake and learn for a bit". I much prefer this to the larger shiurim/lectures going on all around Jerusalem which I have tried and failed to get anything out of for the past two years. Also, in addition to cheesecake, they had homemade ice cream which was WAAAAYYYYY more exciting for me. Though they had called it for an hour, we ended up hanging out and talking about the story of Ruth (which is what we read on this holiday) until about 2am, leaving me tired, happy, and satisfied that I had appropriately celebrated receiving the Torah.

And now it is time for Shabbat once again. Hopefully next week will be more productive.

Honey, I'm Home!!

And so we meet again.

I have begun to appreciate some of the mysterious ways that God works. For instance: a few years back, on one of my many trips to Israel, I was officially the cheapest person ever and flew Polish Air. I sat next to a dog. They had no kosher food, so all I could eat was pudding and beer. Which might be okay on your typical 14 hour flight to Israel, but I, of course, has booked a flight with a ten hour layover in Warsaw. Oh, and it was on Christmas Eve. So I landed in Warsaw and discovered that the Polish do not believe in water fountains. I also learned that I do not know how to say "water" in Polish because I bought 3 different types of seltzer before running out of cash and giving up. And by giving up, I mean I spent 30 minutes opening, closing, shaking, opening, closing, shaking, my bottle of seltzer in an attempt to make it flat and more like water. For the record- this does not work. I then decided to take a nap and woke up in the Twilight Zone. Having forgotten that it was Christmas Eve, I was somewhat disturbed to wake up and find myself entirely alone. All the shops were closed. All the people were gone. All was quiet. I literally thought I had been trapped in an airport that I no longer believed had airplanes. I spent three hours wandering the airport looking for other life forms.I did eventually find people, and then a plane, but from that moment on I swore I would never be that cheap again.
Anyway, the point of this story, is that, had I not experienced such a terrible traveling experience, I would no doubt be much angrier about my recent flight home. Which also had no kosher food. And no beer. And my personal TV was broken. And my restless leg syndrome decided to expand to my arms (I do not even know how that is possible). And they lost my bags.

Either my Warsaw experience hardened me, or living in Israel has just left me more laid back, but once I got off the plane, I was just happy to be home. My friends picked me up at the airport bearing flowers and signs. My mostly broken telephone has been ringing with calls from friends excited to welcome me back. And my first full day back was Yom Yerushalayim- Jerusalem Day.

I had of course, fled to Efrat when I realized I had no clothing, and my adopted mother, in a misguided attempt to keep me from getting jetlag, took me to the neighborhood celebration hosted that night. Unfortunately, putting me in a dark room where I get to listen to someone speak in Hebrew is like giving me a sleeping pill and a glass of warm milk. She finally took me home when I started to drool on her shoulder. The following day-time celebrations were much more exciting. I slept late, my bags were delivered, and then I went into Jerusalem to join the thousands of people marching around the old city of Jerusalem waving Israeli flags. Jerusalem Day is the only day of the year when Jews can walk through any gate and any neighborhood in the old city. So of course, we all grab our flags and march through the Arab quarter singing and dancing. I am a little uncomfortable with this, as I understand how offensive the Arab residents find this, but at the same time, I believe in an undivided Jerusalem under Israeli rule. So though I do not sing or wave flags in their faces, I do take advantage of this opportunity to walk through a part of the city that is usually unsafe and closed off to me.

Thursday I woke up at about noon (I failed miserably in the battle against jetlag- though I partially blame the Israeli blinds that shut out all light, air, and noise) and went to the mall to get a new phone and plan. My phone itself is still suffering from a fatal attempt at swimming. And my plan is, well I don't really know what it is but it is not good. I sort of succeeded at both. I have a new phone, but no charger, and a new plan, but it does not come into effect until June 26th. Luckily, I, like my dear mother, am not much of a caller so this shouldn't have too much of an effect on my life.

Anyway I am happy to be back, settling in, and realizing all the things I need to get done in the near future. Let the adventures begin.

For Esther

Firstly, I just have to say, Shawn and Melissa's wedding was by far the greatest party I have ever been to. (Sorry for those of you whose weddings I have attended, but it's true). Anyway, more on that later.

I want to talk about Purim. Purim is the upcoming Jewish holiday in which we read the story of Esther and celebrate not being the objects of genocide. It is a happy holiday. We put on costumes, give out food and charity, host a big meal, and in general drink a lot of wine and make a lot of noise. In addition, the entire month of Adar, in which this holiday falls, is considered a month of joy and pranks. It is like April Fool's Day for a month. This year is especially exciting because, due to the leap year, we have two months of Adar.

I recently received an email from my friend Esti discussing the recent slaughter of the Fogel family that occurred in Israel last Friday night. This, in addition to other tragedies that had occurred in the last two months made her ask "what the hell? what is going on? God, what is happening?". As she described the sorrow and confusion she was feeling, I felt guilty for feeling so happy in my post-wedding euphoria. And yet I understand her. I have experienced heart-wrenching loss in the month of Adar, I have experienced the confusion and pain brought about by senseless tragedy in this "happy, joyous" month. I have had Purims where I simply did not have the strength to dress up, was not in the mood to sing and dance.

Last night my father called Purim a "kid's" holiday. The dressing up, the treats, the noisemakers- I had to admit, it is kind of juvenile. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that Purim is about so much more. Everyone knows the story, and yet do we notice that there is not very much joy in it? Today we are fasting, as all the Jews fasted upon Esther's request before she went to the king to beg him to save the Jews. This is a story of near-destruction. Of a queen that had to hide her heritage out of fear for her life, of a people that were on the brink of being slaughtered by their more-than-willing neighbors. Our "salvation" was the chance to defend ourselves. Yes there is a happy ending, the bad guy gets killed, the good guys get promoted, and the Jews live. Do our celebrations reflect this whole story? Or just the simple happy ending?

I have a professor who keeps telling my class that our twenties are the best years of our lives, that "It's all downhill from here". When I told my nearly-80 year old grandmother this last week, she scoffed. She told me that the best year of her life was 40. At that point she knew who she was, what she wanted, and what she loved. It is the perfect balance of experience and ability. I liked this idea, not only because it gives me another 15 years before I "peak", but because it values a balance.

I think that when we are young, my father is right, Purim is juvenile. It is a chance to get a fun costume and lots of candy. As we get older we get excited about the socially-encouraged drinking aspect. But as we mature, we become more well-acquainted with pain. We begin to understand pessimism and develop our doubts about the goodness of humanity and the reasoning of God. I have seen people lose their faith- in God and in humanity. And this makes me believe that Purim is even more important for adults than it is for children.

This is our chance to feel joy, even if it is senseless. It is a holiday for appreciating the ridiculous, laughing at the silly, and enjoying the simply pleasure of good company and good food. The Jews of Shushan experienced a senseless discrimination, a baseless hatred- something that our history is rife with. And they survived it. As Esti said "death is what makes life worth living". It is the experience of senseless pain and tragedy that makes senseless joy and ridiculousness so much more valuable. Because on Friday a family can be murdered and on Sunday a marriage can begin another one. I don't think Adar is a month of joy, as in every other month, horrible things will keep happening. But it is an opportunity to feel joy, if for no other reason then that we are still alive.

As I said to Esti, I hope you find joy this week, I hope you revel in it and love it and can feel that, in some way, it balances all that pain and hurt.

Halfway Done

Well folks, I have officially reached the halfway point!
Well maybe not officially, I haven't really done the math, but I just finished all my midterms and am now on spring break so it feels like halfway. Plus, in one more week I will be attending the HIGHLIGHT of my time in America, the BEST (okay, well second best, because Alon always comes first) reason to come back to America...(drumroll please).... Shawn and Melissa's WEDDING!!!!!!!!!!

This wedding has been the most exciting thing that I have been looking forward to ever since I knew I was going to be here to make it. It has been my consolation every time I had to sit by my computer waiting for someone to post pictures on Facebook of the weddings I missed in Israel. Now I just have to find something to wear and I can go spend the day in Miami with all my friends from college, some of whom I haven't seen in two years :)

It will also be a lovely way to end my spring break as I am spending most of it in New Hampshire, where spring has very clearly not yet sprung. While DC has been acting like the tease it is, interspersing days of wintery windiness with sunshine and high temperatures, it still made me feel like spring was just around the corner. But as I drove north today the temperature slowly dropped, and the snow began to accumulate. I am now bundled up at my Bubbie's with a few feet of the white stuff outside. Apparently all the flooding roads are a sign of spring here, but it just isn't quite as exciting as reading about the plans for the Cherry Blossom Festival in the morning paper.

 

But no matter what the weather or where I am, the exciting part of this week is where I am not. I am very happy that I have one week in which I do not have to sit in class. While the topics we are covering have become much more interesting- we have moved past Freud, Freud, Freud, to the current generations trend towards later marriage, how a baby learns to speak, and various types of anxiety disorders. We watched video's of Milgram's study, read case studies on people with Disassociative Identity Disorder (Multiple Personality Disorder) and read about an experiment where the doctor checked himself into a mental institute to see if anyone could tell he was sane. The material is all very interesting, but unfortunately, it is mostly not well taught.

Ranging from terrible examples to professors oversharing about their personal life (which leads to students oversharing about their personal life), there have been certain professors that,well, suck. There is one class that I actually think I could teach better than the professor because at least I have read the book. I was given a test this past week and was told that each question was worth 2.4 points and there would be 2 points extra credit because she got a little confused when trying to calculate how many questions to put on the test. I have another teacher who has yet to give us a test, a homework assignment, a reading assignment, or a quiz. It took him a month to give us a syllabus and he has only now realized that he has done nothing in terms of assessment. Oh, and I chewed out one of my professors last week after she went on a rant against alternative therapies. She did send out an apology letter to the class, so I don't think it will badly affect my grade, but there is just only so much stupidity that I can handle.

Which is why I am now going to go back to enjoying my break :)