Wednesday night, I went to the Kotel (the Western Wall) to read Eicah with my roommate, Davida, and her brother, Nadav. Despite this being a sad day, the Kotel tends to be a bit of a social scene the night of Tisha B'Av. There are alot of people there, as it is the closest spot to where the Temple once stood that Jews can go. Some come to mourn, some come to pray, and some come because its what everyone else is doing that night. They extend the mechitzah, the divider between the mens section and the womens section, and the plaza is patrolled by what I like to call the "Mechitzah Police". These are religious individuals who take it upon themselves to ensure that nothing "inappropriate" is happening and that all genders are on their appropriate side. I have encountered them once before, on Yom Yerushalayim, where they were creating physical barriers (Red Rover style) to ensure that women were not dancing with men. To put it simply, they pissed me off then, and I felt no need to listen to a bunch of teenagers that were trying to tell me where to stand. Anyway, Davida, Nadav, and I sat down towards the back of the plaza so that we could read together. Before we could start, we were approached by a woman in a neon vest (Mechitzah Police) and told that we could not sit there together and if we wanted to sit together we would have to leave the plaza area. Pointing out the dozen or so men wandering about the area and clarifying that Nadav was Davidas brother did not seem to help, and as she refused to move until we did, we eventually got up to look for a new spot. I was, shall we say, angry. Which, in turn, upset me because it was Tisha B'Av and I didnt want to be angry at another Jew. Our Sages say that the first Temple was destroyed because of three things: sexual immorality, murder, and idolatry. That lead to 70 years in exile. The second Temple was destroyed for one reason, sinat chinam, baseless hatred. And we are still in exile for that today.
It pained me to fight with another Jew on this night, and as we read Eicha, I struggled with my reactions to this encounter. She upset me because I felt that she did not respect us and the way we connect to Hashem. It upset me that she felt the need to push her religious standard on me. But if I argue with her, if I refuse her request to move, how am I respecting her connection? She is doing what she believes is right, trying to protect the holiness of this evening and this place. I did not want to be angry with her.
We had settled down next to one of the mechitza walls (on the mens side) and after reading Eicha, I went over to the womens section to pray, leaving Nadav and Davida sitting there. When I came back, there was a Mechitza Policeman arguing with Nadav and a woman sitting near them, while Davida was crying. Apparantly Davida had been lying down with Nadav sitting next to her and this man told her to leave because she was being immodest. Now there are hundreds of people walking around, sitting on the ground, and lying on the ground all around us, but, he said, that because Davida was a woman it was not modest for her to be lying on the ground. Davida sat up and said that she wasnt moving, and that she understood that he said what he needed to according to his principles and that she was going to stay there because of her principles. He didnt really like this answer and then turned to Nadav to try to get her to move. I am not sure what happened after that, but when I walked over Davida was crying, Nadav was sitting with her, and a random woman was arguing on Davida's behalf. This was one of those moments where I wished I was more eloquent in Hebrew, but I basically said, "It is Tisha Bav and you are making another Jew cry." to which he replied "It is good to cry on Tisha Bav" and walked away. He later returned to give us flyers about baseless hatred.
We read about all the horrible things that Bnei Yisrael did to Hashem that brought about the first destruction. Our nation is compared to a whore and as I read about the sins we committed and how we turned our backs on God, I understand our punishment. The sins that brought about the second destruction are not as present in our biblical texts, but it is when things like this happen that I see why we are still in galut, in exile.
These past few months at PresenTense we spent alot of time discussing modern day Zionism and how there is still so much that needs to be done. Jews are supposed to be a light unto the nations, and in the modern world, Israel is not. We are not. We are so divided, and so busy fighting with each other, how could we be a light unto others? It was inspiring to see so many individuals coming together and trying to change the face of the Jewish world. These are people that see problems in where we stand as Jews or as Israelis and are working to fix them. That man was right, it is good to cry on Tisha B'Av, because those tears helped me realize what we are mourning. We live in a world where too many people do not respect each other, let alone love each other. Rav Kook teaches that "Ha'ahava tzricha lehiot male balev lakol"- literally, "The love needs to be filling your heart towards everything/one". Baseless hatred can only be fought with baseless love. But how can we learn to love each other when we cannot even respect each other?
Sending my love, and hoping it spreads,
Kfi
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