השיבינו ה' אליך

Yesterday was Tisha B'Av, the anniversary of the destruction of both the first and second Temples. It is a day where we mourn the destruction of Jerusalem and the Temples and the sins that brought it upon us. We physically mourn, by fasting and not showering, and sitting on the floor. We read Eicha (Lamentations) and are supposed to spend the day feeling sadness for what we have lost.

Wednesday night, I went to the Kotel (the Western Wall) to read Eicah with my roommate, Davida, and her brother, Nadav. Despite this being a sad day, the Kotel tends to be a bit of a social scene the night of Tisha B'Av. There are alot of people there, as it is the closest spot to where the Temple once stood that Jews can go. Some come to mourn, some come to pray, and some come because its what everyone else is doing that night. They extend the mechitzah, the divider between the mens section and the womens section, and the plaza is patrolled by what I like to call the "Mechitzah Police". These are religious individuals who take it upon themselves to ensure that nothing "inappropriate" is happening and that all genders are on their appropriate side. I have encountered them once before, on Yom Yerushalayim, where they were creating physical barriers (Red Rover style) to ensure that women were not dancing with men. To put it simply, they pissed me off then, and I felt no need to listen to a bunch of teenagers that were trying to tell me where to stand. Anyway, Davida, Nadav, and I sat down towards the back of the plaza so that we could read together. Before we could start, we were approached by a woman in a neon vest (Mechitzah Police) and told that we could not sit there together and if we wanted to sit together we would have to leave the plaza area. Pointing out the dozen or so men wandering about the area and clarifying that Nadav was Davidas brother did not seem to help, and as she refused to move until we did, we eventually got up to look for a new spot. I was, shall we say, angry. Which, in turn, upset me because it was Tisha B'Av and I didnt want to be angry at another Jew. Our Sages say that the first Temple was destroyed because of three things: sexual immorality, murder, and idolatry. That lead to 70 years in exile. The second Temple was destroyed for one reason, sinat chinam, baseless hatred. And we are still in exile for that today.

It pained me to fight with another Jew on this night, and as we read Eicha, I struggled with my reactions to this encounter. She upset me because I felt that she did not respect us and the way we connect to Hashem. It upset me that she felt the need to push her religious standard on me. But if I argue with her, if I refuse her request to move, how am I respecting her connection? She is doing what she believes is right, trying to protect the holiness of this evening and this place. I did not want to be angry with her.

We had settled down next to one of the mechitza walls (on the mens side) and after reading Eicha, I went over to the womens section to pray, leaving Nadav and Davida sitting there. When I came back, there was a Mechitza Policeman arguing with Nadav and a woman sitting near them, while Davida was crying. Apparantly Davida had been lying down with Nadav sitting next to her and this man told her to leave because she was being immodest. Now there are hundreds of people walking around, sitting on the ground, and lying on the ground all around us, but, he said, that because Davida was a woman it was not modest for her to be lying on the ground. Davida sat up and said that she wasnt moving, and that she understood that he said what he needed to according to his principles and that she was going to stay there because of her principles. He didnt really like this answer and then turned to Nadav to try to get her to move. I am not sure what happened after that, but when I walked over Davida was crying, Nadav was sitting with her, and a random woman was arguing on Davida's behalf. This was one of those moments where I wished I was more eloquent in Hebrew, but I basically said, "It is Tisha Bav and you are making another Jew cry." to which he replied "It is good to cry on Tisha Bav" and walked away. He later returned to give us flyers about baseless hatred.

We read about all the horrible things that Bnei Yisrael did to Hashem that brought about the first destruction. Our nation is compared to a whore and as I read about the sins we committed and how we turned our backs on God, I understand our punishment. The sins that brought about the second destruction are not as present in our biblical texts, but it is when things like this happen that I see why we are still in galut, in exile.

These past few months at PresenTense we spent alot of time discussing modern day Zionism and how there is still so much that needs to be done. Jews are supposed to be a light unto the nations, and in the modern world, Israel is not. We are not. We are so divided, and so busy fighting with each other, how could we be a light unto others? It was inspiring to see so many individuals coming together and trying to change the face of the Jewish world. These are people that see problems in where we stand as Jews or as Israelis and are working to fix them. That man was right, it is good to cry on Tisha B'Av, because those tears helped me realize what we are mourning. We live in a world where too many people do not respect each other, let alone love each other. Rav Kook teaches that "Ha'ahava tzricha lehiot male balev lakol"- literally, "The love needs to be filling your heart towards everything/one". Baseless hatred can only be fought with baseless love. But how can we learn to love each other when we cannot even respect each other?

Sending my love, and hoping it spreads,

Kfi

Last night I met someone whose last name is Keefer. We immediatly became friends.

Ahhh!

That is my description of the week. It accounts for lovely surprises and overwhelming work and relief and celebrations.

So starting with the first one, this Sunday was my birthday (thanks parents!) and I had to work most of the day. Which was actually more than ok, because the people I work with are awesome. My boss had all the interns sing to me and we ate lots of ice cream and then later the fellows brought in cake and ice cream and sang to me again. The co founder of PresenTense literally skipped down the street singing Happy Birthday when he saw me, and everyone was altogether really nice. Also, my other half/bestest friend sent her gigantically tall brother to presentense bearing cake and flowers embarassing me in that wonderfully birthdayish way(and eliciting an Ahhh!). And I really appreciated all the emails and facebook messages and phone calls throughout the week. I was feeling very loved.

Next Ahhh! was the craziness that was PresenTense this week. This was the last week of the six week institute, culminating in our huge launch night even on Thursday. And, as I have been labeled the second in command of the institute (like spock), I was running around like a crazy person making sure everything was running all week, all the fellows werent freaking out, all the interns were doing what they were supposed to be (I was also put in charge of all the interns when the intern coordinator left last week) and helping plan everything for the final event. Which elicits the third Ahhh! of having it all go well and be amazing. So what happens at Launch Night is that each of the fellows that have been working on 14 different projects all summer have 15 seconds to pitch their projects to a crowd of investors and donators and people who are important to network with and then 45 minutes to talk to people that approach their tables. And it was awesome. I met so many people and was chatting it up all night and everyone was amazing and I had soo much fun. You can look on their website and see the videos of the pitches and of the crowd. Its super cool. www.presentense.org

We all went out and celebrated afterwards, which kept me out until 4 am or so, but was so much fun. We are having out last Shabbaton this weekend and then the Institute is over :( I am excited to have a life back again since I have been working my tush off, but I am going to miss hanging out with these people all the time since they are simply amazing. But all good things must come to an end, and it is about time I got back to figuring out what I am going to be doing for the next year. So next week is devoted to army research and calling lots of people to try and get some information. Which PresenTense has given me alot of experience in so hopefully it will work.

On a non-Ahhh! note, this past Shabbat, Jimmy the sixteen year old non jewish son of Kathie from the art department stayed with me and got a crash course in orthodox Judaism. We had so much fun. Not only is he hilarious, but he was having the time of his life learning about the weird things we do on Shabbat and while we cook and it was really nice to have a fresh face about. I actually took him to work on Sunday morning before we went to wander around the arab shuk for a bit, and everyone there loved him as well.

So its been a really eventful and exciting week and now I am soo excited for Shabbat (and the fact that I dont have to cook anything). So I am going to go shower and relax and sleep :)

"Blast" and other comic book expletives

This morning someone woke me up with a question about scrap metal. I kind of like how I am the go-to person for questions like this.

So this week we went on a field trip with PresenTense up to the Haifa area. We went to the Google center (who, by the way, are going to take over the world and I am totally cool with it), where they gave us a presentation on YouTube and lots of free food. (They had an entire fridge full or Ben and Jerry's- which is even more exciting in Israel). If any of you ever have the opportunity to work for Google- do it.

We also went to Kfar Tikva which is a village for adults with special needs. They have created an entire community there to support adults with special needs but still give them the freedoms that we all deserve when we grow up. It was the first of its kind when it started like 30 years ago, and it is still a unique program today.

And then we went to the Tishbi Winery and got lots of free drinks. Luckily we were headed straight home after that so I didnt have to worry so much about maintaining balance. Or so I thought. On the way home one of the other interns, who is also a certified tour guide, wanted to give an explanation of the area but had no map. So she asked me to stand in. So I got to stand in front of the bus with my hand on my head and one leg crooked and try to maintain balance. It didnt work so well. There were also some awkward moments when we were talking about the mountainous north.

Other than that, my week was really good. I am having a blast hanging out with the fellows. My favorite is a librarian from NY who has an absolutely ridiculous laugh and yells "blast" whenever something goes wrong. Then there is the Israeli boy who still flirts like a 12 year old, and by that I mean we abuse each other at every opportunity and try to trip each other. Then there is the 29 year old working on a follow up program for palestinian-israeli programs who is obsessed with ultimate frisbee and acts like shes 19. Is it weird that all the ones I am making friends with dont act anything close to their age?

The interns are also pretty rockin, both metaphorically and literally. I spent 2-3 hours last night hanging out with some of them while they jammed. I sometimes wish I was musical, but then I dont know if I would appreciate other peoples talent as much.

That was about it for the excitement of the week. Yesterday was a fast day because it is the anniversary of the beginning of the siege of Jerusalem. For the next three weeks Jerusalem fought, inside and out, until the Temple was destroyed. It feels much more real, living in Jerusalem now.

Anyway, my shabbat plans just came together incredibly last minute and I am headed down south to Yerucham to see my friend from high school. So I gotta book it and get my stuff otgether so I dont miss the last bus.

Six Month Marker/ Smile like you mean it

So the past two weeks havent been so exciting, in that I didnt do strange and different things, but have been really busy with the same good things. I have been working my tush off at PresenTense, after falling into a bit of a "why am I here?" slump. They gave me an additional project to work on that involves writing for the magazine and conducting interviews and fun stuff, so that has been exciting. And my boss is putting more things into my hands and giving me some random but exciting responsibilities like preparing news briefs and working with some new computer programs. All in all, the people there are great and its a really good work environment, but I think the main thing I have learned so far is that I am not interested in business. Ah well.

I have also been busy outside of work because so many of my friends are visiting from the states . I realize that its a little sad that I had to wait for people to come from the states to give my social life the kick in the ass it needed, but I think I have rationalized myself out of feeling bad about it. Hanging out with them all again put me back in a situation where I felt comfortable and I realized how quiet and shy and unlike myself I had become as a result of losing all those people I felt safe with. And I realized, I dont really like that shy quiet Kfi, so were sending her back to the depths from which she came and Im going to start feeling like myself again. It is working, as I have been hanging out with quite a few new people as well, and feel like Im making some real friends. Im actually going out with a bunch of them tonight to celebrate my upcoming Hebrew birthday by chilling out in the woods and bonfireing/ bbqing.

This past week also marked my 6 monthiversary and I tried to be all retrospective about it but I really only came up with two things.

1. That was a really long six months.

2. I am happy.

So that is it for now. I have some more thoughts I have been throwing around for the past few weeks that I will probably share at some point, but now I am going to go out and enjoy the night air and the hills outside Yerushalayim.

Peter, Paul and Mary wrote this week's theme song

Sorry Im a little late today (for those of you who were up at like 8 am pacing in front of your computer and waiting for this post), I was busy climbing rooftops and wandering through graveyards.

Anyway, this was a really full week. There were lots of visitors which led to lots of hanging out, hugging, and getting really excited. And a good amount of beer. But it was also the first week of the PresenTense Institute, meaning I got to meet all the fellows and find out all the things I had done wrong. I spent most of the week at work doing everything from fixing closets ( I am now the resident handyman) to setting up for speakers and I got alot of free food. (Actually, I think I only fed myself once this whole week). The fellows who have come into this program are incredibly cool people ranging from Brazilian reporters who live in Bejing to midwestern librarians who want to revolutionize Jewish education. So the up side of work this week was getting to meet all these people, getting to use my tools, and getting to eat out alot. The downside was, being the first week of a program, we realized all that we had done wrong, and all the things that had been lost in translation. They still like me and all, but there were some things that I messed up and some responsibilities that turned out to be too much for me, so that was tough to find out.

So I was feeling kind of bummed out at the end of the week, not to mention burned out from working my tush off, but then I got to go out with all my Maryland visitors and that just made it all better.

Oh, I also had the most amazing moment this week. In fact, none of this other stuff really matters. This was like the highlight of my month and everything else pales in comparison.

So, you know how people sometimes ask you for really random things like a rubber chicken or a television, and your like "Oh yeah, Ive got that right here in my back pocket" because who the hell carries things like that around with them? Well, my secret dream was to be able to say that and actually pull a rubber chicken out of my back pocket. So I used to carry really random things around in my purse like bubbles and clown noses. But my purse started to get heavy and no one was ever asking for anything I had (though I did get to give a little boy a toy once) so I stopped doing it. BUT this week, as I was getting ready to leave work, my boss turned to me and asked if I had a hammer. And I was like "WELL YES I DO, RIGHT HERE IN MY PURSE" and then I pulled a hammer out of my purse and he stared at me like I was Mary Poppins. GREATEST. MOMENT. EVER.

I have nothing else to say.

I am interested in seeing what type of responses this elicits

Wow, this was a really long week! And in the aims of making sure this post is not equally long, I think we are going to go back to the days of lists :)

Random events of the weeks and their corresponding smilies:

 My new bosses love me. They have promoted me to Institute intern, which still doesnt pay, but they assure me that all the other interns will be jealous.

 It is friggin hot here. I am constantly battling dehydration and its ensuing headaches.

 This week was full of lots of long conversations about feelings and political opinions and potential future plans. 

 My last boss from that stupid restaurant in Rehavia is an idiot. I went by to pick up my check and ended up leaving him a note because neither he nor my check were there. He has called me three times since then. Once, to tell me I have to come and fill out some form it didnt occur to him to have me fill out when I was actually working there or in the two weeks since I left. Then to tell me he had lost my hours and see if I still had them. And then the third time to tell me I had to come and fill out this form NOW because he had to fax it in in an hour. This appears to be a headache that will be staying with me for awhile yet. 

 Everyone is coming to Israel for the summer!!

 My health insurance is once again billing me when they shouldnt. When I tried to call and clarify, I put in my ID # and the machine told me they couldnt talk to me now and hung up. 

 I had to pee in a cup. In a very Israeli fashion, they did not give me a lid. And the bathroom was two floors up. 

 I had two job interviews this week. One was for a waitressing job that I dont really want, but also dont think Ill get because they wanted people with more experience. And the other one was for my exciting news.

- I am a little emotionally confused about this.

This week I went in for my Tzav Rishon. This is the first round of tests that you have to go through before joining the Israeli Army. It includes an interview, a medical exam, an intelligence test, and then a test that helps them determine what type of job you would be suitable for. In a few weeks they should send me a list of jobs they think I am suitable for and from there I can apply to whichever ones I want. I am technically on track to join the army now, but because I am volunteering, I can still change my mind without any consequences. 

I am not yet sure if this is what I want to do and alot depends on what type of job I could get. That being said, I think it is something that I will be really happy to have done. I know it will be hard for me, especially the whole independence thing, but I look forward to the challenge and how I will grow as a result. 

I am a little nervous about telling everyone, in case I end up not doing it for some reason, but this is the big thing going on in my life right now, and I guess I want to share that.

Also, just to clarify: I will not be a combat soldier. It is very hard for a woman to get a combat position, and I am too old (remember this is an army of 18 yr olds) and dont have the physical profile. I will also probably be volunteering for a year, two at most. And I have no idea what I will be doing yet. I also do not know when I will go in, though I would guess about 5-8 months. 

Anyway, that is my exciting news. Im sorry if that is not as exciting as a secret engagement or letting you all know that I am actually an alien or something. 

Shabbat Shalom, Happy weekend, and I hope to get lots of responses from this post. Otherwise I will have to start doing something even more drastic then moving across the world and joining the Israeli army.

I wish I could build a pool in my bedroom

I HAD A REALLY GOOD WEEK!

I just wanted to let you all know that in the beginning in case you dont have time to read the whole email. Or to catch your attention so that you then WANT to read the whole email. hmmm. (this is where I would insert the smiley that strokes its fake beard if there was one)

First things first, I went to an Israeli office, didnt have to wait in line for an hour, AND I had all the right paperwork!!! I did have to walk around the entire building (which was the size of a city block) before I found the entrance, got inside and found out I needed to photocopy everything in the 15 minutes before the office closed, which forced me to run (which i hate) in the hot summerness, BUT the lady in the office was NICE and let me come in even after she had closed! And once I went in, it took about three minutes and I was done! By next week I should have a paper that tells me my foreign degree has been recognized. Woohoo!

And, in the process of looking for somewhere to photocopy, I found a printshop! Its in this beautiful old arab building and has a gallery upstairs! They only do screenprinting and etching, both of which they offer classes in, and they have open studio hours!! Unfortunatly, I just missed the summer session, but I might be able to take classes in the fall :)

I also started my internship at PresenTense this week and Im really enjoying it. The people there are fun to work with and really love what they are doing. What are they doing, you ask? Well as they like to say, they are giving the next generation of Jewish leaders the tools they need to create social change in the world and in Jewish communities. Basically, every summer, they accept 16 or so fellows with ideas or projects that they want to get off the ground. This years projects vary from integrating arts into education, to compiling your own siddur (prayerbook) online. They have six weeks of training sessions and meetings and then they have a huge event at the end where they pitch thier project to investors. Anyway, I am the event planning intern, but I have a feeling I am going to be helping in alot of different areas.

Other that that, I was pretty lame this week. Its getting really hot, so I find myself limited to about one adventure a day, because by the time I get home from it I am so tired and hot I just want to lay on my cold stone floor and melt. 

I actually did have one exciting adventure- I went with my "lets go visit soldiers" group to deliver popsicles to the boys stationed near Shechem. Unfortunatly, about halfway there, the car broke down. So the only soldiers we got to give popsicles too were the ones that stopped to see why we were stopped on the side of the road. We ended up having to hitchhike back to Jerusalem, and by the time I got home I was in "lay on the floor and melt" mode.

I am going to leave you all with a cliffhanger and tell you that there is a very good chance that I will have very exciting news next week. And no, I am not telling you what it is. Mwahaha.